What would you do in this case?

My brother who is 37, was chatting w/my son over the weekend and said something that was absolutely horrible and I really don't know how to go about handling this situation..so I'm seeking advice.

My brother lives in Connecticut and hates it and wants to come back to NY. He decides to tell my son how much he hates it over there and as soon as he finds a job he is coming back to NY. Ok fine..no problem. THEN he goes on to say..how he feels so lonely and bored and is thinking about hanging himself. My son calls me over to the computer and says "mom look what Tio (uncle) wrote, I feel like crying". I read it, and got FURIOUS!! Why the hell would 37yr old man be telling this to my son, nephew or not?? Later on my son tells me that my brother told him he was only "joking". I didn't find it funny AT ALL. Especially given the fact that my son went through this last Summer with a girl he knew.

Just a little history..my son is 16 and last Summer (July 18th) had a girlfriend who committed suicide in her house while he was there. I had posted this on LIW and really don't want to get into details of what took place, because it is just so upsetting, but my son was there. Thank god he didn't see it..but he did hear when she pulled the trigger.

What would you do if you were me? My brother and I do not have the "best" relationship and I know if I tell him something he is going to get UPSET. I honestly don't care, but for the sake of getting stressed out (I'm 9 months pregnant), I'm wondering if I should just email him?

Any advice ladies??? TIA!!

Re: What would you do in this case?

I would most certainly say something to him. This is not something he should joke about with ANY child but he should be EXTRA sensitive as to what your poor child has already had to endure and cope with.
If you feel it would be too emotional of a conversation for you to have, would DH perhaps do it for you?

Re: What would you do in this case?

Re: What would you do in this case?

This is just my personal opinion. I would tell him on the phone. It might make it harder and may have more impact on your already delicate relationship. However, I think he needs to hear the tone of your voice about how angry you are and how this is not a topic to joke about.

Re: What would you do in this case?

Re: What would you do in this case?

I wish you the BEST of luck. If you need to vent after or just need a friend/support, feel free to FM me

Re: What would you do in this case?

Posted by DebG

I wish you the BEST of luck. If you need to vent after or just need a friend/support, feel free to FM me

Re: What would you do in this case?

I understand you being upset. I would be upset and pizzed too. With that said, I would be nervous that your brother's words are a cry for help. He probably was kidding but it's difficult to read the tones of any email. I would probably talk to your brother again to make sure he is okay. This is coming from a girl who lost two cousins to suicide one week apart. I wished they had left clues that they were going to commit suicide.

Message edited 7/17/2007 5:59:16 AM.

Re: What would you do in this case?

Are you absolutely sure your brother was just joking? Is there any possibility that this could be a last-ditch cry for help? I'd treat this one with kid gloves - approach it as seriously as it deserves with your brother. That way, if he really WAS joking, he'll see how serious it is, and the tremendous impact it makes on everyone around him. And if he wasn't joking, this your time to be there for him and intervene.

Message edited 7/13/2009 2:15:42 PM.

Re: What would you do in this case?

i agree that you have every right to be angry, especially with that your DS went through last year. suicide is nothing to "joke" about. it is a serious issue. now this is just my opinion, however, i would make sure he was just kidding before slamming him. like some of the other girls here have stated, it could be a cry for help and you just never know. first i'd talk to him and make sure he was just kidding. if he was, then i'd let him have it!!!!!! simply because he deserves it.

good luck. keep us posted.

Re: What would you do in this case?

I agree with the posters above.

Call him and first try to assess/express concern that he could really be having suicidal thoughts.

Then address the issue of him laying it on your son.

And if it were me, I would close by saying that you care about what happens to him and would like him to reach out for help if he was thinking of killing himself.

Good luck and best wishes to you and your family.

Re: What would you do in this case?

Definitely talk to him...he obviously has issues...do it in a delicate way though...and mention to him that next time he needs to talk, he should talk to you about things like that and not your 16 year old son.

Re: What would you do in this case?

I think the bigger issue is your brother thinking about committing suicide. He is reaching out to someone who has had someone close to him do it and he in his own warped way reached out to your young son.

Reach out to your brother about it in a caring non-accusatory way first. See what happens.

It may just save his life.

Re: What would you do in this case?

I think that since you have such a close relationship, you should certainly say something. I think it is safe to assume he was joking but at the same time knowing what your son went through, it is important to remind your brother that he is sensitive to that subject and does not take that lightly. He shouldn't get upset with you at all. You are protecting your son and it is only natural. Don't stress yourself out over this. Your brother messed up and wasn't thinking when he said that. As long as you know he wasn't serious, everything will be ok. Make sure your son knows that.

Re: What would you do in this case?

I don't agree with the assumption that your brother was joking. On the one hand, it was not appropriate for him to reveal this info to your son, but on the other hand, I think it was definitely a cry for help.

Treat this situation carefully, and IF it is the fact that he WAS joking, THEN I'd lay into him. If you have any hint that he's remotely serious, you must then seek professional help for him. You are not a trained professional in this area (or at least you didn't say you were), and you can't assume that "a good talking to" is going to ease his feelings. Take it to the next level and get him help. Willingly or not.

HTH!

Re: What would you do in this case?

First, I just want to thank you all for your input/advice, it really does help. I guess I should have mentioned before that this is not the first time he's mentioned suicide, and that is what gets me the MOST upset. While he's never gone through with anything (thank god) I'm almost positive it was a cry for help. I have been there for him time and time again, but it's beginning to take its toll on me, even more so now. I'm the youngest of us, and somehow I feel like I have had to be the mother and I just can't do it anymore. I did mention it to my mother, since she lives out there with him, so she can watch him. I also left him a message to call me as well without indicating why.

I do love my brother, don't get me wrong, but I just don't have the strength to do this anymore. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I also feel if he hasn't realized all these years that he needs help, my talking to him and telling him once again is not going to do anything to change that. He has to want it and at this point I don't think he does.

I'll keep you all updated on the situation, and again THANKS!