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40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
So I am hosting a 40th birthday party for my boyfriend. The sorta issue, and I am really looking for ideas on this, is that he is a twin and his twin sister's fiance doesn't want to have a joint party. Which is fine. But I am not going to ignore that is her birthday too.
I am going to get her own cupcakes/cake/things on the candy table. But I'm not sure how to put something in the invitation for people that they both know....I was going to do an insert, but saying....
It would so much easier if he would do a joint party, lol
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Posted 9/11/19 10:34 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
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40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
I don't think you need to add something into the invite since it's not a joint party. I think just acknowledging it is perfect.
And I agree - a joint party would make more sense, especially since there will probably be a lot of guest list overlap.
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| Posted 9/11/19 10:36 AM |
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MarathonKnitter
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Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
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40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
i agree with pp.
i don't think you have to specify anything on the invitation.
what a goof to not want to go in on the party together.
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| Posted 9/11/19 10:52 AM |
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pnbplus1
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
I don't think you should put anything on the invite since it's not a joint party. Having a cake or something for her at the table is a nice thought but I wouldn't do more than that. They're adults so I'd think it wouldn't be an issue to celebrate one and not the other. Definitely weird that he doens't want a joint party but maybe she doesn't really want a party, who knows.
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| Posted 9/11/19 12:02 PM |
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by pnbplus1
I don't think you should put anything on the invite since it's not a joint party. Having a cake or something for her at the table is a nice thought but I wouldn't do more than that. They're adults so I'd think it wouldn't be an issue to celebrate one and not the other. Definitely weird that he doens't want a joint party but maybe she doesn't really want a party, who knows.
I wasn't going to put it ON the invite if that makes, sense, I was going to put, like, an insert for the people who know them both.
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| Posted 9/11/19 12:06 PM |
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klingklang77
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Are you doing the party on the actual birthday?
I’d just include her in the cake, but that’s it. She has made it clear she either doesn’t want a party or she wants to celebrate in her own way.
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| Posted 9/11/19 12:39 PM |
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by klingklang77
Are you doing the party on the actual birthday?
I’d just include her in the cake, but that’s it. She has made it clear she either doesn’t want a party or she wants to celebrate in her own way.
Yes I am
She is pretty pumped about the party, Idk why you'd think she didn't want one.
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| Posted 9/11/19 12:49 PM |
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LuckyStar
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Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by klingklang77
Are you doing the party on the actual birthday?
I’d just include her in the cake, but that’s it. She has made it clear she either doesn’t want a party or she wants to celebrate in her own way.
Yes I am
She is pretty pumped about the party, Idk why you'd think she didn't want one.
It sounds like she doesn’t want a party for herself. I had the same take away.
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| Posted 9/11/19 1:02 PM |
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by klingklang77
Are you doing the party on the actual birthday?
I’d just include her in the cake, but that’s it. She has made it clear she either doesn’t want a party or she wants to celebrate in her own way.
Yes I am
She is pretty pumped about the party, Idk why you'd think she didn't want one.
It sounds like she doesn’t want a party for herself. I had the same take away.
Her fiance doesn't want to do a party.
ETA: in his family they usually do a BBQ for birthdays
Message edited 9/11/2019 1:14:41 PM.
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| Posted 9/11/19 1:12 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by klingklang77
Are you doing the party on the actual birthday?
I’d just include her in the cake, but that’s it. She has made it clear she either doesn’t want a party or she wants to celebrate in her own way.
Yes I am
She is pretty pumped about the party, Idk why you'd think she didn't want one.
It sounds like she doesn’t want a party for herself. I had the same take away.
Her fiance doesn't want to do a party.
Oh, weird. I assumed he was taking direction from her. Hopefully he has something fun up his sleeve for her!
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| Posted 9/11/19 1:14 PM |
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by klingklang77
Are you doing the party on the actual birthday?
I’d just include her in the cake, but that’s it. She has made it clear she either doesn’t want a party or she wants to celebrate in her own way.
Yes I am
She is pretty pumped about the party, Idk why you'd think she didn't want one.
It sounds like she doesn’t want a party for herself. I had the same take away.
Her fiance doesn't want to do a party.
Oh, weird. I assumed he was taking direction from her. Hopefully he has something fun up his sleeve for her!
It was a running joke for a while that me and her 8 year old were hosting this party for them.
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| Posted 9/11/19 1:15 PM |
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MarathonKnitter
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Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
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40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
after reading your replies to questions and comments...
i don't think you have to include an insert. the people who know the two of them know they're twins... so it's a given.
eliminate that additional step for yourself.
including/acknowledging her is a very nice consideration and i don't think you need to do anything more than that.
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| Posted 9/11/19 1:21 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1066 total posts
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40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
I realize you want to do something for your boyfriend, but I feel like you have to make it "Jack and Jill's" birthday. It's not like they're cousins and happen to be born on the same day -- they're twins. Everyone knows that it's both of their birthday. I wouldn't invite her friends that are only her friends and not his, but I feel like you have to have her name on the cake, they both cut it, and make it a "joint" party. Otherwise, it's weird, IMO.
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| Posted 9/11/19 1:22 PM |
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klingklang77
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Member since 7/06 11487 total posts
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by klingklang77
Are you doing the party on the actual birthday?
I’d just include her in the cake, but that’s it. She has made it clear she either doesn’t want a party or she wants to celebrate in her own way.
Yes I am
She is pretty pumped about the party, Idk why you'd think she didn't want one.
I guess I thought that because I would hate a party, but that’s just me. You say her fiance doesn’t want to have a party for her. I just ask her straight out if she wants to be included in a cake. I don’t get the whole dynamic, so maybe I’m missing something.
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| Posted 9/11/19 2:02 PM |
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lululu
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Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
I would not include an insert or anything with the invitation. Those that are friends with her too know they are twins and know it's her birthday too. The last thing I would want is for people who aren't friends with her or don't know her to feel obligated to bring two gifts to the party. What else would be the point of mentioning that it's her birthday too? Having a cake for her is more than enough.
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| Posted 9/11/19 3:07 PM |
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NervousNell
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Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by lululu
I would not include an insert or anything with the invitation. Those that are friends with her too know they are twins and know it's her birthday too. The last thing I would want is for people who aren't friends with her or don't know her to feel obligated to bring two gifts to the party. What else would be the point of mentioning that it's her birthday too? Having a cake for her is more than enough.
This 100%
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| Posted 9/11/19 3:15 PM |
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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
No mention is fine & having a cake for her is a nice extra.
I have a twin brother & we did this exact set up for our 30th birthday. Actually we've done this for other years also.
His wife plans the party for him & his friends & I usually stop by with of my friends. There's no issue because we have different groups of friends. I do something on my own another day but it's still fun to go & hang out with them.
Honestly, i wouldn't want a joint party because i'm more lowkey & my brother & his friends like to party.
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| Posted 9/11/19 3:31 PM |
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
I would not include an insert or anything with the invitation. Those that are friends with her too know they are twins and know it's her birthday too. The last thing I would want is for people who aren't friends with her or don't know her to feel obligated to bring two gifts to the party. What else would be the point of mentioning that it's her birthday too? Having a cake for her is more than enough.
This 100%
Oh I would only do the insert for the people who know her too...
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| Posted 9/11/19 3:40 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
as other have said i would not include anything on the invite i wouldn't do an insert just get her cake.
that said i think its pretty shittty of her fiance to not want to do a joint party. is it financial reason he doesn't want to?
I would feel bad not making a joint party on my own. I dont know if financially you can do it but maybe their parents go in on it with you. Esp. since you said she really pumped for the party I would feel bad that it isnt joint.
is it a surprise parry for your bf or does he know? if he does know what does he say about it not being joint.
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| Posted 9/11/19 9:36 PM |
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by blu6385
as other have said i would not include anything on the invite i wouldn't do an insert just get her cake.
that said i think its pretty shittty of her fiance to not want to do a joint party. is it financial reason he doesn't want to?
I would feel bad not making a joint party on my own. I dont know if financially you can do it but maybe their parents go in on it with you. Esp. since you said she really pumped for the party I would feel bad that it isnt joint.
is it a surprise parry for your bf or does he know? if he does know what does he say about it not being joint.
I agree about her fiance, Idk what his deal is, but he has been dead set against it since the beginning.
I can't afford - nor can the place we booked accommodate - a 300 person party, so that's out lol. I invited her finance's whole family, and also her friends that I know and we socialize with. Mainly I only didn't invite their sanitation friends (they both are san workers in Brooklyn) because I don't know them. They don't speak to their parents or other siblings
It is not a surprise. He is fine with what we are doing. He said she had a sweet 16 and he could invite 3 friends, so what we are doing is fine  
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| Posted 9/12/19 10:19 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by blu6385
as other have said i would not include anything on the invite i wouldn't do an insert just get her cake.
that said i think its pretty shittty of her fiance to not want to do a joint party. is it financial reason he doesn't want to?
I would feel bad not making a joint party on my own. I dont know if financially you can do it but maybe their parents go in on it with you. Esp. since you said she really pumped for the party I would feel bad that it isnt joint.
is it a surprise parry for your bf or does he know? if he does know what does he say about it not being joint.
I agree about her fiance, Idk what his deal is, but he has been dead set against it since the beginning.
I can't afford - nor can the place we booked accommodate - a 300 person party, so that's out lol. I invited her finance's whole family, and also her friends that I know and we socialize with. Mainly I only didn't invite their sanitation friends (they both are san workers in Brooklyn) because I don't know them. They don't speak to their parents or other siblings
It is not a surprise. He is fine with what we are doing. He said she had a sweet 16 and he could invite 3 friends, so what we are doing is fine
ok with all this information I think its fine and IMO its basically a joint party and plus the whole sweet 16 im with your SO and think its fine 
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| Posted 9/12/19 3:56 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
I feel like I am missing something. IF she knows about the party why dont you just ask her if she wants a joint party? Who cares what her fiance says? Anyway it sounds like you are inviting her friends and acknowledging her anyway so you sort of are already making it a joint party. At this point I would either include her name in the actual invite like its a party for both of t hem or not include her name at all (no insert). I don't understand the rationale behind the insert-- its necessary at best and seems like a gift grab at worse.
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| Posted 9/12/19 6:06 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1066 total posts
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by Budjeg11
I feel like I am missing something. IF she knows about the party why dont you just ask her if she wants a joint party? Who cares what her fiance says? Anyway it sounds like you are inviting her friends and acknowledging her anyway so you sort of are already making it a joint party. At this point I would either include her name in the actual invite like its a party for both of t hem or not include her name at all (no insert). I don't understand the rationale behind the insert-- its necessary at best and seems like a gift grab at worse.
That's what I think. It already IS a joint party, IMO. If you want your BF to feel more "special" , you could word it as "Join us for the birthday of Jack and his twin Jill". That has a little bit of a different nuance than "Join us for the birthday of Jack and Jill" IMO.
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| Posted 9/13/19 7:59 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by Budjeg11
I feel like I am missing something. IF she knows about the party why dont you just ask her if she wants a joint party? Who cares what her fiance says? Anyway it sounds like you are inviting her friends and acknowledging her anyway so you sort of are already making it a joint party. At this point I would either include her name in the actual invite like its a party for both of t hem or not include her name at all (no insert). I don't understand the rationale behind the insert-- its necessary at best and seems like a gift grab at worse.
I think it’s weird not to have a joint party at this’s point lol.
OP ask if she wants the joint party. If she says no, just add her name to the cake so it doesn’t seem like she is ignoring you. Is the fiancé planning something separate? I want to know more about why he doesn’t want a party lol
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| Posted 9/13/19 10:25 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: 40th Birthday party for my boyfriend...need some ideas
Posted by Mrs213
Posted by Budjeg11
I feel like I am missing something. IF she knows about the party why dont you just ask her if she wants a joint party? Who cares what her fiance says? Anyway it sounds like you are inviting her friends and acknowledging her anyway so you sort of are already making it a joint party. At this point I would either include her name in the actual invite like its a party for both of t hem or not include her name at all (no insert). I don't understand the rationale behind the insert-- its necessary at best and seems like a gift grab at worse.
I think it’s weird not to have a joint party at this’s point lol.
OP ask if she wants the joint party. If she says no, just add her name to the cake so it doesn’t seem like she is ignoring you. Is the fiancé planning something separate? I want to know more about why he doesn’t want a party lol
I agree. It sounds like there will be tons of mutual friends there. It will basically be a party for both of them regardless so why not just include her in everything as is? If you’re not inviting more people the cost won’t change. It’s annoying that the fiancé won’t contribute financially but at this point what does it matter if you’re spending the same amount anyway? You’re a great SIL!
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| Posted 9/13/19 10:29 AM |
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