Major husband vent

My usually kind and wonderful husband had the audacity today to tell me that I'm not contributing enough to the household chores He just doesn't seem to understand that I didn't feel up to walking Alex and our dog yesterday because, hmmm, maybe because my incision stitches came undone and I was in PAIN. And is it REALLY that important to save the $3 late fee by having me drag my painful body to the video store to return a video??? And have we totally forgotten that while he sleeps a good 8-10 hour stretch every single ****** night that I haven't gotten more than 4 hours in the last six weeks? And what about the fact that I take care of the daughter that he BEGGED me to conceive for years every single day, and every single night. I feed her, rock her, cradle her, soothe her as he sleeps the night away. And I guess he just doesn't seem to notice that while I'm taking care of his daughter I also do the dishes, the garbage, make the bed, do the laundry and tidy the house every ****** day.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY MEN CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS???!!

Re: Major husband vent

omg i went through the same thing and im not looking forward to going through it agian when i have the baby in march .....

Re: Major husband vent

I don't think they realize what comes out of their mouths sometimes!!

Re: Major husband vent

My DH is usually the most supportive (and I have to admit that he does do the majority of chores). That being said, he pulled the "I dont understand what you do all day" on me a couple of weeks ago. It was bad enough that he said it, but the worst part was never in a million years did I ever think he would be "one of those" DH's. That realization hurt 1000x more than the accusation. He apologized a million times that same night and said "I guess I forgot that we're a team"
My point is, I guess all DH's do it at some point and it suc*s, but if he's supportive 99% of the time, dont get too upset. He knows in his heart that you're a fantastic wife and mother. I have to remember that DH has "postpartum" emotions too.

Re: Major husband vent

OOOOOOOOOOOOO I can understand!!! DH just said to me -I can't believe it's only 9:30....what happened to letting daddy sleep in on the weekend ?(first of all, it's not a weekend, just a holiday )......DH had it easy b/c at the beginning I would wake up with the baby in the middle of the night (I still do all the time b/c I'm BFing-I just let him sleep) and in the morning I would take the baby out of the room and let DH sleep b/c I felt guilty that he got up at 5:30 everyday and went to work and I wasn't working...........WELL, that came to a screeching halt when I realized I'm working just as hard as he is . He keeps complaining b/c he only got 3 hours of sleep WELL if he wasn't playing his stupid game until 3am he would have gotten more sleep
. I asked him - when do I get a break and get to sleep- he said -well, you can take a nap...........SO CAN YOU!!!!!!!!!! You know what he said...........Well, I'm UP now....SO AM I STUPID A$$!!!!!!!!!!!

SO I laughed and said lets make a deal.....he could sleep in one weekend day and so can I. I will make bottles for him the night before and he can get up with him in the middle of the night and in the morning. He laughed and hasn't complained since

Re: Major husband vent

Sweetie - I could have written that. I don't think they realize how much OUR lives change when we have a baby. I understand that theirs does also but they aren't the ones up all hours of the night, taking care of the house, cooking, running errands and the other countless things we do that they don't notice.

If it makes you feel better or even makes you smile here is a story for you.........
The other night I was having my wonderful BH contractions and I'm sitting on the floor with tears in my eyes and he turns to me and goes "so what's for dinner"

They're all idiots with the exception of very few. I love DH but sometimes I just wonder what goes through his head.

Re: Major husband vent

Some are better than others but overall their brains were not created to function properly all the time. My DH is great, but sometimes I want to list the things I do around the house everyday and emphasize that it does not include "Oprah" "The View" or any TV. I really wish he could stay home one day and do everything I do....oh...did I mention I also squeeze in 20 hours of work from home every week!!

They just can't help it!

Re: Major husband vent

Beth I feel your pain! I want to kick Dh in the @ss lately- I take care of the baby, do all the bills, deal with his crazy mom, clean the house, and cook dinner every night, and then when I ask him to take out the garbage he gets an attitude

Then when I complain that he does NOTHING... he makes the remark... "well I work all day" grrhhhh nothing annoys me more than those words... what do they really think or days consist of...

The truth is my Dh could not handle being home all day long...As soon as the baby fuss' he gets all stressed at and hands him over to me!

Men

Re: Major husband vent

Show him this:

My DH cooks every night or we order in, I have no time or energy for cooking.
We grocery shop together or my mom does it for me.
We have a cleaning lady every 2 weeks and DH helps me in between. Occasionally I will vaccuum and try to pick up but most days it doesn't get done unless I tell DH to do it.
My DH walks the dog (its his) but he also feeds my cats and still changes their littler box.
When he comes home he's at my beckon call whether he likes it or not. He makes bottles, gets medicines, bounces the baby, and plays with her at my demand.
He gets up with us every morning and holds her for 30 minutes after she gets her Prilosec while I shower (she can't eat for 30 min after).
I still do the laundry though but that's because I am very picky about my laundry.

The point of this....you do a hell of a lot more than I do so your DH should be totally grateful that you get done all that you do. Taking care of a baby is more than a FT job. I don't care what anyone thinks. Its not a cakewalk where you sit around and eat bon bons all day like some want to believe.



You're doing a great job. Take care of yourself and your incision.

Re: Major husband vent

Posted by monkeybride

Show him this:

My DH cooks every night or we order in, I have no time or energy for cooking.
We grocery shop together or my mom does it for me.
We have a cleaning lady every 2 weeks and DH helps me in between. Occasionally I will vaccuum and try to pick up but most days it doesn't get done unless I tell DH to do it.
My DH walks the dog (its his) but he also feeds my cats and still changes their littler box.
When he comes home he's at my beckon call whether he likes it or not. He makes bottles, gets medicines, bounces the baby, and plays with her at my demand.
He gets up with us every morning and holds her for 30 minutes after she gets her Prilosec while I shower (she can't eat for 30 min after).
I still do the laundry though but that's because I am very picky about my laundry.

Re: Major husband vent

Posted by Princessmaris

Posted by monkeybride

Show him this:

My DH cooks every night or we order in, I have no time or energy for cooking.
We grocery shop together or my mom does it for me.
We have a cleaning lady every 2 weeks and DH helps me in between. Occasionally I will vaccuum and try to pick up but most days it doesn't get done unless I tell DH to do it.
My DH walks the dog (its his) but he also feeds my cats and still changes their littler box.
When he comes home he's at my beckon call whether he likes it or not. He makes bottles, gets medicines, bounces the baby, and plays with her at my demand.
He gets up with us every morning and holds her for 30 minutes after she gets her Prilosec while I shower (she can't eat for 30 min after).
I still do the laundry though but that's because I am very picky about my laundry.

Where is your husband from...where can I find one just like him...???

Re: Major husband vent

I don't know what you guys are talking about. I sit around aaaaall day. Yesterday I painted my nails and let them dry for an hour. Then I ate bon bons while watching the view. Then I took a nice long hot shower, and took a three hour nap. For dinner I made a three course meal. Then I cleaned the house and got dressed up for DH so when he got home I could pamper him and serve his every need.

Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding!!!!!!!!!!

When my husband says what do you do all day - my response is - I have no idea!!!!! I wish I knew what I did all day....I wake up at 6am and before I know it its 10 pm...some days are better than others - some days I actually shower...and on a REALLY good day I have time to pee too.

Re: Major husband vent

Bill is for the most part very supportive -- but I have to admit, he does things that drive me nuts -- and I feel like since I'm doing so much with Emily he should help out more. He NEVER takeso ut the garbage. He'll take the bag out, but leave it in the hallway for days if I don't put it outside. He gets crumbs all over and doesn't even realize it -- and he'll get home from work after I've had a hard day with Emily, and go in the shower first thing even though he just showered that morning and sometimes I hadn't even showered in like 2 days!!!

I think if the tables were turned and they were at home all day taking c are of the newborns, and we were working, they'd be very different. When I go back to work Bill is staying home for a week with her he'll get a good idea of what I was doing for 8 weeks.

Hang in there -- husbands are just frustrating!!! I hope things get better!

Re: Major husband vent

They all go through it every now and then I have to say Anthony is very good He works at nite and takes care of marissa during the day. He does some of the chores of the house. Like keeping it as clean as possible with a 1 year old . Over the weekend we got into it about hte same thing I don't do nearly as much as he does Excuse me I work 9-5 I am up at 6:30am every morning toget ready for work travel into the city and hour each way come home make dinner give the baby a bath spend time with her straighten up the house take ashower get to sleep around 11:30pm then do it all over again and on the weekends I get up with marissa at 7:30am let him sleep in. Go do the laundry and clean. So don't tell me I don 't do I haven't gotten a day to sleep in for quite sometime.

This all happend on Friday and I had 2 parties on saturday and didn't talk to him at all. Now he wantsto make it up to me to give me a baby free weekend and him and the baby are going to g o to his parents next weekend. I told him he should go and leave the baby with me. They are all a pain in the @ss at times but we love them

Re: Major husband vent

I hear you ladies, loud and clear!! I work two jobs (one full, one part) and I still get pushback when I ask him to do something We took the baby to the doctor last night and while I was at the desk filling out forms, he decides to step out and call one of his friends. Where was the baby?? Running amuck in the waiting room. I guess he assumed I should have pulled the third arm out of my a$$ to keep a hold of her. When I turned around and realized what was going on, I banged on the glass and gave him the finger in front of the entire waiting room. The Receptionist broke out I said to her "What the F do I need a man for??" I swear some days it's like being a single parent around my place. I'm just so sick of it!!

Re: Major husband vent

That is all that I can give since I can't get my hubby to do more, so I can't give out advice, Last night was the first time my hubby ever bathed our kids, EVER! My oldest will be 6!!! And the only reason he did this was because they were finger painting and I was on t ephone with my patient so he had to get the paint off of them quick befire it got everywhere! It won't change, I have just learned to live with the fac that he goes to work and does the facelifts to the house, but anything else is my responsibility.

Message edited 11/8/2005 10:52:57 AM.

Re: Major husband vent

Rob was the same way!!!!!!!!! Until I went back to work (9 mths later). I started a new job that required me to go in for orientation m-f 9-5. So, Rob had to take a week off of work to watch Andrew. By tuesday he was soooooo happy to hand off the baby as soon as I walked in the door!!!!! That Friday night he apologized for complaining about the house for the last 7+ mths. He said he never realize how time consuming an infant is. I think most men won't get it until they have a similiar experience and I think it has to be for more than 1 day in a row.

Re: Major husband vent

Posted by MrsR

I don't know what you guys are talking about. I sit around aaaaall day. Yesterday I painted my nails and let them dry for an hour. Then I ate bon bons while watching the view. Then I took a nice long hot shower, and took a three hour nap. For dinner I made a three course meal. Then I cleaned the house and got dressed up for DH so when he got home I could pamper him and serve his every need.

Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding!!!!!!!!!!

When my husband says what do you do all day - my response is - I have no idea!!!!! I wish I knew what I did all day....I wake up at 6am and before I know it its 10 pm...some days are better than others - some days I actually shower...and on a REALLY good day I have time to pee too.

Re: Major husband vent

I have to say my husband is great and helps out a lot, never got up during the night but I'll take what I can get. Anyway, he usually wakes up on the early side. Saturday morning, I look over at my husband and he is wide awake (6:15) Then we hear the baby wake up so he says he'll get her. Great so I sleep for another 45 minutes tops. I come out and he says look at sleeping beauty!!!!!!!!!! It must be nice to sleep in! I really wanted to punch him..HARD!

Re: Major husband vent

It's simple, I'm convinced that MEN ARE STUPID!

Re: Major husband vent

Thanks everyone!!! Glad to hear I'm not the only one with a periodic jerky hubby! And of course, he's SO stubborn and self righteous that he will simply not see my side or apologize, so now we're in a "cold war" so to speak. Just what I need at the end of a day with a fussy baby! We SO need an icon with smoke blowing out of ears!

Re: Major husband vent

Posted by ambersmom

When I turned around and realized what was going on, I banged on the glass and gave him the finger in front of the entire waiting room. The Receptionist broke out I said to her "What the F do I need a man for??" I swear some days it's like being a single parent around my place. I'm just so sick of it!!

Re: Major husband vent

I have been on bedrest.. my DH complains that he does most of it, but actually HAS an excuse.. tell your DH that if he keeps complaining you will go on strike!

Re: Major husband vent

I know how you feel. My son is three and I am pregnant with my second - due in Februaury. Anyway, I just cant do the heavy cleaning anymore and he said dont worry he will do it. Well a week goes by and the bathroom was not cleaned so I sarted doing it, As he is lying in bed he is like I told you Ill do it. OH pleasethe why wasnt it done. today for example, he got home from work before me, I asked him to put the dishes away from the dishwasher - he never did , even worse there were left over dishes in the sink. Yes, he does the fixing around the house but what about the things like putting things away he has to do that to.
We all have the same problem.