Question for those who babies were in NICU.

Both of my sons spent some time in the NICU, but one of them was in their for a month. He was very small, and then got an intestinal infection and was pulled off food, put on an iv, etc. I feel I handled everything very well, everyone around me was more upset then I was, and I was surprisingly strong.

Now when I look thru pictures I have been getting very upset, they are almost 8 months old, and thier medical issues are behind us, and they are both doing great. I really don't understand why I keep getting so upset about it.

So my question is, is this normal??

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

Emily was in the NICU and her situation certainly wasn't as bad as what other babies go through ... she had some respitory problems for the first 24 hrs then had jaundice and was under the bili lights -- but I couldn't bring her out of the NICU for the 4 days I was in the hospital for and could only visit her every few hours and only for about 10-15 mintes at a time because they didn't want her to be out of the lights for so long.

I wanted to hold my baby SO bad. I had all these ideas about what motherhood would be like and what it would be like when they were born and they all included holding her right away. i also had a hard time getting her to breastfeed because i couldn't just try whenever and they fed her out of IV at first and then gave her bottles because they said that breastfeeding would be too much on her lungs and I feel like I missed out on that experience even thoug hwe tried when we got home.

I do think about it sadly sometimes, and I only had to go through it for 4 days. But I remember being in the room with my roommate that first night and them bringing her baby in a few times and me not even being able to hold my baby yet and it just broke my heart. I was seriously depressed over it for a while in the beginning.

I think it is normal because as wonderful and amazing as things are now you really do have this whole picture painted about what it is going to be like and if it doesn't go that way you really do think about it sometimes and get upset. THat's how it was for me at least, and I can imagine how much harder it was for you since your baby had more problems then Emily did.



Melissa

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

I am sure you are dealing with normal feelings... I get sad that Kevin was in the NICU and it was only 5 days not nearly as long as you had to endure. I don't get too weepy anymore but when I think back how I felt at the time it happened I do get a tear in my eye.

Like Melissa said you have these ideas of how things typically are - like you see in the movies or on tv. Leaving the hopsital without my baby was so hard on me. I thought I should be leaving with flowers, balloons and a baby and never thought it wouldn't be that way. For a week I could barely hold my baby. I had to ask permission to hold him - that was tough. Being in a room with a girl who had her baby all day and I basically had to just visit mine- was very hard on me. I knew he would be fine but it was still hard and emotional. When I think back of him with his tubes and monitors and will pin holes all over from all his needles - I get sad. But now I have a happy and healthy baby and that all that matters but still sometimes - you think back and feel sad about the experience.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

My DD was in NICU for a week and it was hell. I still get VERY weepy and upset when looking at pics. Most are tears of joy that we made it through though i was told the chances were slim. I have been trying to deal with this for now 8 months. I met a friend in the hospital their son was in NICU the same time as Kaylee and she is going through the same thing. Her son was in for a month she too was told her son might not make it and against all odds her son and my daughter are here and play together almost everyday. I have been having a tough time with Kaylee's birth because DH and i have been talking about having another baby in the up coming year. I am sooooo afraid of going through what i went through with my DD. People always tell me "You should be happy, she's fine and you made it through it" to that i say they have never had to go down that road. Yes my DD made it through but every mom (soon to be mom) has this perfect image of the birth of their child (sort of like when you plan your wedding, you picture this perfect day) when that doesn't happen it is totaly overwhelming and heartbreaking. I feel your pain and i send tons of hugs.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

Thanks for your responses, I feel worse about it all now then I did when it was happening. Things defintly didn't go at all like I had planned, but I am very happy with the end result. My boys are both doing great and they are happy and healthy so I know that is all hat should matter.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

Hayley was in NICU for 12 days. I didn't get to hold her as soon as she was born she had to be rushed to NICU. I didn't get to hold her for the first 2 days. It was so hard to only be able to see her a few times a day. They put her through all kinds of tests, she was like a human pin cushion the first week of her life.

Thankfully she is OK now but I do look back at the pictures of her when she was in NICU and I still get upset to see her hooked up to all those machines and monitors. But then I look at her and I get all happy again.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

Its totally normal. Julia was in NICU for a week, it was sooo hard for me and my DH to see her in there. I was in the hospital for 4 days (C-section) so it was great to be able to stay with her some extra days. I had preclamsia so as soon as I had her she had to go right to NICU for tests, and to get on antibiotics since I tested + for strep B. When I look back at the pictures of her in the hospital and all the wires taped on her belly, I still get emotional. She is a normal healthy baby today, and I'm actually happy she stayed their the extra 3 days when I got to go home, so my DH and I knew everything was ok with her.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

I didn't personally have a baby in the NICU but my niece, and two of my nephews have been in. One was in for four months. I think the reason you are having an emotional reaction now is because when the baby (s) were there, you had to be strong and optimistic. You were in the moment, living it and didn't have time for your emotions to catch up with you. Now that (thankfully) the babies are well, you have time to process what they've gone through and the emotional toll it took on you. Very normal

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

my son was in the NICU for 72 days...he is 20 months old....and I still cry just to think what he went through. All the pictures of James on the vent or C-Pap or Nasal Canals I had to pack away....I can't help but cry when I think about it. I know that I am so lucky that he survived all that...and I am so grateful that he is such a happy healthy little boy....but it is still so emotional for me.

My nephew was born 10 month prior to my son...he is also a preemie and stayed in the NICU for 6 weeks. I thought at the time I understood what my sister was feeling and going through....but now I know better. Even though I love my nephew to pieces, and was so worried for him...it doesn't even come close to the fear that you have when its your own child.

I'm just so grateful that medical technology has advanced and made it possible for so many preemies to survive.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

I didn't have any experiences like you all did, but I spiked a fever while in labor, so soon after she was born she was whisked to the NICU and was there for 2 1/2 days...it was so sad to see her in a normal bassinet shoved in the corner because every other baby needed so much more attention.

I have a detached feeling about it, I was in a four person room and the night before I left a woman was wheeled in with her baby right after birth as I was returning from the NICU and she was like--"where is your baby...oh that must be sooo hard for you"--it was, but I never let myself get upset about, it was so weird.

I didn't get to have visitors come up like everyone else because Bella was only allowed 4 designated people to visit her.

I was discharged before her but went back 6 hours later to pick her up when they had the last antibiotics given...thinking about it now, I guess I was less upset than I could have been because I knew she was fine and I couldn't wait to have her home, it was really hard to see all the mommies with babies that had more problems than her.

Hugs to everyone with their NOW healthy babies

Message edited 4/25/2006 2:01:05 PM.

Re: Question for those who babies were in NICU.

Talia was only in the Nicu for 2 days - because I had a fever during delivery. I still want to cry whenever I see the pics of the tubes coming out of her in the pictures...it's disturbing. I would like to think it is my motherly instinct that makes me feel that way.