Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

Ok so I have a SIL who I used to get along with pretty well ( the only reason it's not even better is b/c there is a very large age gap between us and we just have different intrests and very different lives)

So when I was engaged and about to get married and she got engaged we got really close b/c we finally had something in common. At first I helped her with EVERYTHING for her wedding.

Then my day got closer and she stopped talking about her wedding around me. Now that my wedding is over its like everything is a secret. ( as in I walk into my MIL's house and they actually hide box's from me )

To try to make a long story short I worked VERY hard on my wedding.. not to make it "better" then anyone else but to make it Our own. Personalized and Us, and different.

I found out all the things I did to make it personalized, and Us, and Different... my SIL has decided to copy. This actually really hurt me and upset me. Esp. the fact that she didn't talk to me about it first and that she was so sneaky about alot of the things ( as in Emailing my best friend behind my back to "hire" her to copy things from my wedding)

I asked DH to talk to her about this ( It annoyed him as well) and he did. I thought everything was Ok after that but I found out that even after the LONG talk he had with her she still went on to copy more things.

Now she is being very cold twords me like I did something wrong.

I think I also hold it against her that I am her only SIL and she has no sisters and she didn't ask me to be in the BP ( really not a big deal) but what does upset me is that she has 2 brothers. She asked one brother but not my DH!! ( She has the same relationship with both)
DH was really hurt by that and when he confronted her she said b/c hes is " always late" and b/c of the " Money situation"
Ummmm DH makes more then my SIL and BIL COMBINED right now. and she didn't look too upset about our money situation when we spent over $400 on her shower gifts.

Anyway there is nothing I can do about it now b/c the wedding is right around the corner but I need to know if I am being a baby and making a big deal of this for no reason?

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

Personally I don't think you are making too much of this, I would feel the same way.
It sounds like your SIL has some maturity issues. I don't know what I would do if I was in the situation though.

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

That kind of behavior would irritate the hell out of me. I don't blame you for being upset. But you know what- since there will be so many of the same guests, THEY will notice that she COPIED you, not the other way around. She will end up looking foolish, not you. Her sneaky behavior is admitting that she knows she is wrong.

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

I think you're totally justified with how you feel. Copying youis one thing. From what I've seen and heard, your wedding was so beautiful, you really have a gift for that kind of thing, and I may "copy" an idea of two myself. But being sneaky about it is another. That's what bothers me, that' she's going out of her way to hide it. If she was really looking up to you and she said "You know I really loved how you did such and such at your wedding, and I think I'm going to do the same thing" I think you'd feel differently about it. But if she's being sneaky it amkes me think she is trying to copy for the sake of copying and trying to "outdo" you somehow, which is not cool. And I do think it is realy messed up that she didn't ask your DH to be in the BP is the relationship really is the same as with the other brother, and I'm kind of suprised she didn't ask you too if she really is pretty close with you and has no sisters. Maybe she saw your wedding and got jealous and really wants to outdo you and the jealousy is rotting her brain and causing her to act like a fool. You never know.

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

well....i think she was probably hiding things from you because she was going to copy your ideas and was probably embarrassed. And although i would be a little upset by it...i would also be flattered. Her entire side of the family was at your wedding too and will see the similarities. I really won't be bothered by it.

BUT i would not so much be hurt that i wasn't asked to be in the BP but upset that your DH wasn't in it. IMO tha tis WRONG and hurtful...AT LEAST he should have been asked and given the option!
To say that he is always late is a cop out imo

But like you said...at this point the wedding is around the corner and there is nothing to do about it....
I would just try to forget about it

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do. I can understand how hurtful her actions are but take some comfort in the fact that everyone at her wedding will remember that it is a carbon copy of yours!!!

You can even use that to your advantage for example if Aunt Mary comments on the slipper basket that she likes it just say "well Bride saw what a big hit it was at my wedding"

As for the being in BP, just use all the money you're saving by not being in it and use it for a vacation

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

Posted by Redhead

well....i think she was probably hiding things from you because she was going to copy your ideas and was probably embarrassed. And although i would be a little upset by it...i would also be flattered. Her entire side of the family was at your wedding too and will see the similarities. I really won't be bothered by it.

BUT i would not so much be hurt that i wasn't asked to be in the BP but upset that your DH wasn't in it. IMO tha tis WRONG and hurtful...AT LEAST he should have been asked and given the option!
To say that he is always late is a cop out imo

But like you said...at this point the wedding is around the corner and there is nothing to do about it....
I would just try to forget about it

Message edited 8/12/2005 8:53:33 AM.

.

.

Message edited 10/5/2006 5:26:34 PM.

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

Posted by suvenR

just be careful that one of her best friend's friend's doesn't see this thread and report back to her on it.

.

.

Message edited 10/5/2006 5:26:48 PM.

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

I actually feel kind of sorry for her if her prime concern and motivation in planning her wedding is the fear that she will be compared to you. It's sad that she can't just do what she and her FH want, but rather feel that they have to be able to keep up with you. I would be hurt, but also flattered that she thinks you put on such a great wedding.

As far as not asking your DH, I think she either wanted to keep the both of you out of the planning as much as possible, so you wouldn't realize how much she is copying. It is not that expensive for a guy to be in the BP (as opposed to a woman). and, my brother is famously late to everything, and it did cross my mind not to ask him, but I decided he knew how important it was to me for him to be there on time and he would be (and he was...)

Re: Only respond if you will be honest with me! Vent about my SIL ** Warning this is LONG!

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this and you are 150% justified in feeling the way that you do!