Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Need help with an important issue. I was recently home (me and hubby live in Ann Arbor, MI--Home is in Mt. Pleasant where our families are) and my mom called me to come to her house and she means ASAP. So we go over and she tells my DH to go into her office. She then proceeds to tell me my brother is up there (he is addicted to drugs pretty bad). He told her he was at this party and got pretty messed up and he wants to clean up or he will die this way (he has pretty much hit rock bottom). She called us to come over to have DH talk to him, my hubby is the only one he will listen to (he really looks up to Mark, that's DH). Well he told hubby he wants to move down with us to get clean. I think it is a good idea, because we do not tolerate any drugs..Period. I could get him into church and get him straightened out, hubby is an excellent influence on him. He would get a job and go get help. I have three kids and I am scared, but I am more scared that we will get hurt in the end. I am in a pickle here and it is killing me to see my baby brother like this, but I do not want my kids to be exposed to their uncle getting clean, I do not know if it will be ugly, but as emotional as we are I know there will be lots of tears. My hubby said he could move down and I want it more than anything for my brother's sake, but like I said.....Now It is not a financial issue and we have space, I would allow him to stay as long as he likes (which would be a while). We are going to build a house with a basement so he could live there. Does anyone know if there is a thing like alcoholics anonymous for recovering drug addicts, where he could be safe from dealers?? I am letting him move in with me and my family so I don't need advice there, but if anybody can point me in the direction of programs like alanon that could be taken advantage of I would appreciate it. I know all your advice is good and Thank You!!!!

Message edited 8/13/2006 8:59:01 PM.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

There is Narcotics Anonymous
NA

I believe it is based on similar principles to AA. Good luck.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

As much as I love my sibling, I couldn't do it at the expense of my children. It's more than just being exposed to him coming off of drugs. DH has a very good friend who got into drugs. The guy is getting kicked out of his apartment. When I said I'm sure he wouldn't hurt anyone, but I wouldn't want him in our house. DH said "Are you nuts? I've known him all of my life and I wouldn't let him here. Yes, *** wouldn't harm a fly, but if he decides to slip back into drugs he's not ***, he's a drug addict."

I would have him check into a rehab facility in Ann Arbor as an in-patient. Once he went through the program, then I'd probably let him live with me while he got his act together.

I'm sorry you're in a tough situation.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

It is wonderful that you want to help your brother. I agree with Barbara that the best help for him right now is an inpatient drug treatment program. The staff at these programs are trained to help your brother through both his physical and emotional withdrawl symptoms. Depending on the drugs he is doing, he could suffer some serious withdrawl symptoms.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your brother is lucky to have you and your DH in his life.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Posted by hmpena

It is wonderful that you want to help your brother. I agree with Barbara that the best help for him right now is an inpatient drug treatment program. The staff at these programs are trained to help your brother through both his physical and emotional withdrawl symptoms. Depending on the drugs he is doing, he could suffer some serious withdrawl symptoms.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your brother is lucky to have you and your DH in his life.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

an in patient program is probably best. depending on what kind of drug is his choice, withdrawals can be pretty bad. it will be something that NA wont be able to deal with, and he needs professional help. NA will be good for when he gets out of rehab.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Have him go into a rehab first then move down to live with you. He should look into NA.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Thank you so much I will show this to DH and see what happens. I just want my brother to be healthy again, I guess i am just hoping for the best no matter what he does. I am checking out the NA program and see what direction to point me in. Again, Thanks and I will try to post an update one of these times.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I just wanted to wish you luck. I have watched my ex BIL come of drugs several times throughout his life. It is UGLY and SCAREY. He is a heroine addict. Just be careful, and give him lots of love........

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

He is coming down to my house this week and has agreed to go to both counseling and NA. I have more peace now knowing that he is willing to do more to help himself. I know we will be spending alot of time on tears, and me praying nonstop that he turns his life over for the better. I have some books I am getting from the library about recovering drug addicts. He is addicted to cocaine, I am ready for anything. Hubby and I have told him he slips up once he's out. So he is coming here knowing the ground rules and there will be no surprises I am sure. Once again ladies Thank You.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I would give him a chance I think, but only 1 being you have small children. Allowing him to stay in a basement apt. is a good idea but I would keep your eyes wide open. Many drug addicts dont kick the habit right away for good, it is a constant struggle and you dont want your kids around it or seeing it, that's for sure.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I can't add to the advice already given, but I wanted to wish you and your family (especially your brother) good luck.

You are doing the right thing, though it won't be easy. You are a terrific sister and daughter. DH sounds like a gem.

God bless!

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Posted by atracinact

Posted by hmpena

It is wonderful that you want to help your brother. I agree with Barbara that the best help for him right now is an inpatient drug treatment program. The staff at these programs are trained to help your brother through both his physical and emotional withdrawl symptoms. Depending on the drugs he is doing, he could suffer some serious withdrawl symptoms.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your brother is lucky to have you and your DH in his life.

I agree with both these ladies. Unfortunately alcoholism/drug addiction run in both my and my XH's family.I strongly suggest an in patient treatment program with family participation/support/ before considering bringing him into your home with children. My oldest step son really had a horrible impact on my kids as he refused in patient treatment and it was so hard to deal with even though my X went thru re-hab and relapsed many times. You need to be educated about
how this affects your family as a whole not just your brother whose focus would have to be 100% on helping himself. Have you ever tried Al-Anon for yourself?It's a great place for those that are affected by someone elses addiction.
It's a good sign if he asks for help when he is not under the influence. Good Luck to your whole family

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I think that before you invite him into your home he needs to go to rehab. After he successfully completes a program then you can help him, but I would wait until after that.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Okay so here is an update. My brother came down Tuesday, spur of the moment I know but, it was either my house or the drug dealers house. He is doing good, and our lines of communication seem to be pretty honest. I trust me brother and love him as well. I will keep yoou updated. BTW...I am proud that he has made this choice. I will do whatever it takes to help

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

if you still need any advice please fm me.. i have been there

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

There are many outpaitent programs. A local church should be able to help too.
Many prayers for the road ahead. Its a very hard thing to overcome.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

It is wondeful what you are doing. I know when it comes to family there is no second thinkng things- we will always be there for them. Your brother's first step to recovery is saying he wants help.
I have had people close to me go through the same thing and move away from their environment to relatives homes and they have THRIVED!
The withdrawl stage is ROUGH! Being in an inpatient program definetly would be a plus. My Aunt & Uncle went through the withdrawl stage w/ my Uncle and my aunt said if she would of really relaized how bad it was they would of checked him in.
But everyone is different - you and you DH are wondeful people and your support and positive influence and reinforcment will help him overcome this.
NA is a huge part of this. I know someone who goes to meetings 6 days a week and has become a speaker to schools. They were beyond rockbottom ( if there is a place) and now he is influencing other people and sharing his stories. So it proves having the right people around you and being away from the "tempation" in their own environment- they will do well!
Good Luck and please share an update every once and awhile if you can.

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

so glad to hear its working out! you are a great sister!

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Good luck with all of this! You are a very good sister to support and be there for your brother. Remember to take care of yourself in the process. I have had a similiar situation but not as deep as yours so I feel emphathic to you. Good luck!!