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Mother in Law... Question

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july06bride
I'm a mom!

Member since 5/05

3966 total posts

Name:
Nicole

Mother in Law... Question

Does your mother in law call you to ask for favors?

What if there were problems and she needed someone, would she call you?

----------

I am asking this because my DH said something that kind of hurt my feelings...and he just doesn't get it.

As some of you know his grandmother is very ill and in the hospital...we have been back and forth a lot. His mom is very upset of course.

Dh went away on business and wont be back until Thursday. I spoke to him last night and we were chatting about his grandma and I told him: I didnt have a chance to call your mom today (I was feeling sick and I slept a lot yesterday..I was out of it) But I will call tomorrow (meaning today) BUT, if you happen to talk to her, tell that to call me if she needs anything...

He replied with: You call my mother-she is not going to call you to ask you for anything...

I asked why: and he said, she doesnt feel comfortable asking you for favors...

I do not understand where this is coming from considering we have always had a good relationship (despite one stupid incident during wedding planning) I thought we were closer than that and now I feel let down... I tried explaining to DH but he does not get why I am upset...

I probably said the wrong thing today when speaking to him (cause it was brought up again) I said if thats the way your family wants to be than so be it, at least I know where I stand in your family...and he got upset with me saying his mother never said anything to him and his mother doesnt hate me or whatever...

I am upset but dont know if I am overreacting...simply being too sensitive...

I can take the responses..so be honest...if I am wrong, than I am wrong...

Posted 8/29/06 12:19 PM
 
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here

Member since 5/05

12023 total posts

Name:
Sonia

Re: Mother in Law... Question

well, was he ipset because you guys call her every single day & you didn't do it? I don't see how you said or did anything wrong. Chat Icon

Posted 8/29/06 12:22 PM
 

Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!

Member since 7/06

8703 total posts

Name:
STBHC

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I don't know a great way to phrase this so bare with me...

This time is not about you and your feelings. Its about your Dh's grandma, his mom and your Dh. Your feelings can be brought up after this has passed but you have to see the bigger picture, for now.

If his mom does not drive...call her and ask if she needs anything or would like a ride to the hospital. Make sure she is eating and hydrating....etc. It will take a minute out of your day to make your MIL's day.

Sorry if this came out wrong..but I tried. : blush: Chat Icon

Message edited 8/29/2006 12:25:03 PM.

Posted 8/29/06 12:24 PM
 

Stefanie

Member since 5/05

23599 total posts

Name:
Stefanie

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I don't see anything wrong either. Just sounds like someone is being very sensitive with his mom.

Posted 8/29/06 12:25 PM
 

Stefanie

Member since 5/05

23599 total posts

Name:
Stefanie

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by Stefanie

I don't see anything wrong either. Just sounds like someone is being very sensitive with his mom.



And..why would she feel uncomfortable asking you for a favor...you are part of the family now.Chat Icon

duh..I quoted myself...Chat Icon

Message edited 8/29/2006 12:27:15 PM.

Posted 8/29/06 12:26 PM
 

july06bride
I'm a mom!

Member since 5/05

3966 total posts

Name:
Nicole

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Yeah I guess youre right, I did call today...I dont think she is mad at me... I just was hurt by the comment-She doesnt feel comfortable asking for favors from you?

I just thought we were closer...

but in the long run-its not whats important...youre right

Posted 8/29/06 12:27 PM
 

LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here

Member since 5/05

12023 total posts

Name:
Sonia

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Ok, not to play Devils advocate here but I have dealt w/ a motherload of issues w/ my MIL. Now I hope that she's not like my MIL who is obsssed w/ her littrle boy.

I agree that you should not say anything at this time and see how it all plays out. My MIL is very manipulating and plays the victim.

I don't know what would promt him to say she would never ask her for a favor...Chat Icon

Good luck chica!

Posted 8/29/06 12:29 PM
 

munchkinbugs
My little loves!

Member since 1/06

8093 total posts

Name:
Lisa

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Maybe your MIL is the type that never asks for help. I wouldn't take it personal. I would just call her to let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything.

Posted 8/29/06 12:29 PM
 

Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!

Member since 7/06

8703 total posts

Name:
STBHC

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I just called my MIL and left a message on her machine! I am sure this topic will inspire other LIF'ers to do the same! Chat Icon Chat Icon

Message edited 8/29/2006 12:31:11 PM.

Posted 8/29/06 12:30 PM
 

LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here

Member since 5/05

12023 total posts

Name:
Sonia

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by EmilyAKAMrsK

I just called my MIL and left a message on her machine! I am sure this topic will inspire other LIF'ers to do the same! Chat Icon Chat Icon



That was nice of you. Chat Icon

Posted 8/29/06 12:31 PM
 

saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!

Member since 5/05

16555 total posts

Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...

Re: Mother in Law... Question

to answer your question, no, my mil does not call me to ask for favors. not b/c she thinks i won't, more b/c there is not much she needs from me. we are close in the sense that we get along, but we don't talk every day. but i think that she thinks that if something is going on in her family, i should sit by the phone and wait for updates. for example, we saw them on saturday and my fil has to go for blood tests on wednesday. so she tells me that he is going on wed., so she'll have the results on thurds., so she'll call me with them. not for nothing, i care about my il's, but its like i'm going to rush home to get the phone call?

and i don't see where you have done anything wrong.

Posted 8/29/06 12:34 PM
 

july06bride
I'm a mom!

Member since 5/05

3966 total posts

Name:
Nicole

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by LadyLainez

Ok, not to play Devils advocate here but I have dealt w/ a motherload of issues w/ my MIL. Now I hope that she's not like my MIL who is obsssed w/ her littrle boy.

I agree that you should not say anything at this time and see how it all plays out. My MIL is very manipulating and plays the victim.

I don't know what would promt him to say she would never ask her for a favor...Chat Icon

Good luck chica!




She is the type to ask for favors... I guess just not from meChat Icon
and I know this is not the time to bring anything up cause I am going to sound bitc*y, but she is obsessed with her son...and she does play victim sometimes (I found that out during wedding planning) HOWEVER, we get along and I love her alot..they are good people....I know her faults, but love her despite them...hence why I thought we were closer...and why I am upset about her not wanting to ask me for favors..BUT his grandma is so sick..this is nothing I would ever bring up to her right now...
I feel dumb for even posting this... but my feelings were hurt...

I just wanted to know how others were with their MILS

Posted 8/29/06 12:34 PM
 

LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here

Member since 5/05

12023 total posts

Name:
Sonia

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by july06bride

She is the type to ask for favors... I guess just not from meChat Icon
and I know this is not the time to bring anything up cause I am going to sound bitc*y, but she is obsessed with her son...and she does play victim sometimes (I found that out during wedding planning) HOWEVER, we get along and I love her alot..they are good people....I know her faults, but love her despite them...hence why I thought we were closer...and why I am upset about her not wanting to ask me for favors..BUT his grandma is so sick..this is nothing I would ever bring up to her right now...
I feel dumb for even posting this... but my feelings were hurt...

I just wanted to know how others were with their MILS



don't feel dumb. We all have our issues good & bad with our MIL. I'm sure you're showing your support in more than one way. Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/29/06 12:37 PM
 

Stefanie

Member since 5/05

23599 total posts

Name:
Stefanie

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by july06bride

Posted by LadyLainez

Ok, not to play Devils advocate here but I have dealt w/ a motherload of issues w/ my MIL. Now I hope that she's not like my MIL who is obsssed w/ her littrle boy.

I agree that you should not say anything at this time and see how it all plays out. My MIL is very manipulating and plays the victim.

I don't know what would promt him to say she would never ask her for a favor...Chat Icon

Good luck chica!




She is the type to ask for favors... I guess just not from meChat Icon
and I know this is not the time to bring anything up cause I am going to sound bitc*y, but she is obsessed with her son...and she does play victim sometimes (I found that out during wedding planning) HOWEVER, we get along and I love her alot..they are good people....I know her faults, but love her despite them...hence why I thought we were closer...and why I am upset about her not wanting to ask me for favors..BUT his grandma is so sick..this is nothing I would ever bring up to her right now...
I feel dumb for even posting this... but my feelings were hurt...

I just wanted to know how others were with their MILS



I'm sure there are some of us that can go ON and ON about our MILs...

Don't worry, you're not the only one...Chat Icon

Posted 8/29/06 12:37 PM
 

LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis

Member since 8/06

11613 total posts

Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)

Re: Mother in Law... Question

My MIL asks me for favors sometimes, not all the time.

Honestly, I'd call her and say "you know, if you need anything I'm always here for you. I know this is a difficult time and even the most mundane task can take a lot out of you. Please let me help you with things if you need it."

Just simple, and let's her know your door is open and that you want to help.

Posted 8/29/06 12:39 PM
 

july06bride
I'm a mom!

Member since 5/05

3966 total posts

Name:
Nicole

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I called, left a message, saying basically that... Just calling to see if you need anything, see how grandma is doing...etc...

Posted 8/29/06 12:40 PM
 

MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!

Member since 5/05

9941 total posts

Name:
Missy

Re: Mother in Law... Question

my mil is like that too....
you are better off. you dont want her calling you every second for every little thing.

just call her every day if thats what it takes...

i think its nice of you to offer to do things for her! your dh should be happy you at least do that! its more than i do!

Posted 8/29/06 12:54 PM
 

LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here

Member since 5/05

12023 total posts

Name:
Sonia

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by MrsPorkChop

i think its nice of you to offer to do things for her! your dh should be happy you at least do that! its more than i do!



Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/29/06 12:56 PM
 

Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st

Member since 5/05

15287 total posts

Name:

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by babybug631

Maybe your MIL is the type that never asks for help. I wouldn't take it personal. I would just call her to let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything.



This is what I was thinking -- it's hard for a lot of people to ask for assistance. I would give her the benefit of the doubt since she has a lot to deal with right now.

Posted 8/29/06 1:02 PM
 

Summer05
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

2320 total posts

Name:

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I would not worry about it too much Chat Icon Just give her a call and see how she is doing.

Posted 8/29/06 1:04 PM
 

Elbee
Zanzibar

Member since 5/05

10767 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Maybe she doesn't "know" that she can call and ask you for a favor. You are assuming she definitely would and your DH is assuming she definitely wouldn't but the truth is, you don't really know if she would. Instead, I would call her and extend your help in any way possible and remind her that you are there for her and her family with anything they need. Sometimes unspoken words really do have no meaning. Chat Icon

Posted 8/29/06 1:05 PM
 

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Some people just don't like to ask for favors. I don't think its anythign personal, I think its a pride thing on her end. My DH is the same way (not with me of course). He loves my mom and he is very grateful for everything that she has done for us, but I don't know how comfortable he is asking her for a favor.

I would offer to do specific things for her- do you need me to go to the store with you? etc... Or if you know she needs something, just do it or tell her you are doing it.

Posted 8/29/06 1:10 PM
 

DRMom
Two in Blue

Member since 5/05

20223 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by july06bride

Yeah I guess youre right, I did call today...I dont think she is mad at me... I just was hurt by the comment-She doesnt feel comfortable asking for favors from you?

I just thought we were closer...

but in the long run-its not whats important...youre right



I definitely wouldn't take this personally either and I agree with Emily-call her anyway. Also DH's don't know anything! You can not imagine how many times DH has told me something about his mother or sister that is a completely wrong interpretation of what they really said or want.

Posted 8/29/06 2:01 PM
 

jozieb0925
Double Trouble!

Member since 5/05

4358 total posts

Name:
Josie

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I think that my MIL would like it if I reached out and called her...

Message edited 8/29/2006 6:57:12 PM.

Posted 8/29/06 6:55 PM
 
 

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