Re: Need advice re: sharing of responsibilities (sorry long post)

Posted by nrthshgrl

Have you gotten THE smile yet?

Re: Need advice re: sharing of responsibilities (sorry long post)

I am going to be the opposite of everyone and say that DH needs to help. You are not only working from home, but you have another job, a baby. A newborn at that.

DH and I have always shared feedings and night-wakings no matter who was working. And it was usually me. We traded off nights. One night I get to sleep an entire night and the next, I was responsible for all the feedings from 10:30-7 am (usually 1, sometimes 2)

I went back to work FT after 9 weeks, DH watched Bella and worked from home in real estate for an additional 5. I would have never expected him to shoulder the baby's needs and all the household stuff on his own. She was so young and we were both trying to figure out everything as we went along.

No matter how tired I was after a night being awake for the nighttime, I always knew that next night was sweet slumber-time. I was transitioning at work too and trying to fit back into a world that women with children are extremely scarce. I STILL don't have the work-life balance down, but I couldn't have done it without the help of DH. Were there nights I just couldn't do it and had to ask for help, yes! But I always tried to balance it out so we maintained that 50-50...it's not fair to assume that you can do it all...sleep deprivation is the beginning of many mommy meltdowns...

Re: Need advice re: sharing of responsibilities (sorry long post)

I do the nighttime feedings in my house since dh works at 4:00 am, so I do not want him getting up at night and losing sleep. If he is tired he can kill himself or someone else on a forklift. I am lucky though, my boys both starting sleeping thr the night before I went back to work full time, but in the odd instance they wake up, I am the one that goes in.

Seriously, let the house go and take a nap. You need your rest and the house is really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Re: Need advice re: sharing of responsibilities (sorry long post)

I was thinking..you got some great advise, but maybe you can do a few things to help get over this hump. Ask DH to take BOTH feedings on Saturday night..that way you get a good solid 6 hours of sleep (remember those days?), then bring in someone to clean the house every 2 weeks for the next month or so. That could truly ease the burden. Also, ask DH if he can try to come home at normal time once a week during the work week and then work more in the evening hours if needed. Maybe that would be a good comprimse so you both get a bit of help..plus he gets a bit of time at home with his family.

Are you able to get your PT work done at all? If not you might want to look into a mother's helper for the summer. Tons of great college age students are home now and it would not be very expensive. They could play with the baby, throw in a load of her laundry, sweep the kitchen..stuff like that. You could get work done and have help and still have the baby very close by.

Re: Need advice re: sharing of responsibilities (sorry long post)

I too know how you feel. My husband is a detective and he works crazy hours and he plays "the game" for the night time feeding. Sometimes he gets up and sometimes he doesn't. Now that I'm back to work, he most likely grunts but does it and the baby cries because she's not used to his "feeding" style that I end up getting up anyway. (Fortunately, she's pretty much sleeping through the night now so it's more like getting up to put her binky back in her mouth).

But just to let you know, it does get easier. You WILL get sleep and like you, I'm not a napper either. I find that if I clean the house (straighten up) and throw laundry in washer everday, it does make life easier for me. I also have Peapod come to my house. I cannot do it all. Since my husband does work crazy hours, I have to make allowances for myself. Don't feel guilty about it. You'll eventually get in a groove and you'll look back and say what was I so upset about it. Let's face it most of the time it's probably just you and your family at home so if your bed isn't made for one day, let it go. I found that since I now have two kids and I work FT, I can't do it all and I just have to let it go.

Also, I go out walking everyday with the kids and that helps alot! Even though I'm tired, by the end of the walk, my head is clear and I feel more energized!

THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!!!!

Re: Need advice re: sharing of responsibilities (sorry long post)

I am SO in your boat, kind of. DH is in retail, so when he has the closing shift, he gets homea t 10pm and I work PT OUTSIDE The home about 25 hrs a week. I'll get to work 11-12 and come home 5:30ish.

When she was a newborn and no help was around, I let the house go even though it drove me nuts. I felt sleep was so much more important and if DH didn't mind, then so be it. The only thing I did was laundry and cook to the best of my sleep deprived ability (god bless the slow cooker!)

I did nap when she napped and it FELT GREAT. You absolutely MUST do this for YOUR sanity. S C R E W everything else. Do the laundry when you're out of clean underwear! Go buy yourselves enough to last 2 weeks without laundry (I was able to do a color and a white and a baby load once a week--it'd take me a few days to complete the process of wash, dry, fold and put away--still does!)

I feel SO guilty asking him for help and the funny thing is he feels useless in the house...like it's all on me (which it is on all us moms/housewives). He'll keep her home if he is off on a day I go to work.

It gets easier, it does and I bet he'll help when things calm down....but for now, let the house go. Call friends for help if you really can't. Call family for cooking help or to watch the baby while you get 3 hrs during the day!

Re: Need advice re: sharing of responsibilities (sorry long post). UPDATED 6/22

Updated on first post