SIL issues AGAIN

I don't know if some of you remember the situation with my SIL "Cathy" so I will give a brief background first. Basically we had issues because we never quite got around to calling her back to have her over after Jake was born (took us about 1 month). Since then she's been avoiding us and ignoring my phone calls and emails.

On Thanksgiving, I spoke to her finally, and invited her over for the following Saturday. She must've called that Friday and we missed her msg. So I emailed her very early (like 6am) Sat morning and called around 9ish. No answer, no reply. Checked my msgs and heard that she wanted to stop by between 12 - 1pm because she was going to breakfast first. So I called her on her cell and left a msg saying that it was fine for her to stop by at that time. She never stopped by or even called back.

My other SIL "D" came up to stay with us over Christmas. So D called Cathy and invited her over for Christmas Eve afternoon. Again, she FLAKED and left a msg for D saying she couldn't make it.

Now what upset me the most was that on her message she never said anything like Tell them sorry I couldn't make it, or even MERRY CHRISTMAS for that matter. Plus, D had specifically told her to call MY house if there was a problem and she couldn't make it.

I don't know what to do with this woman anymore. At what point do I give up? Everyone agrees that she is completely in the wrong at this point (my MIL, both my other SILs) but I am not the type of person to cut off family or not speak to someone for months or years over some stupid little thing.

D spoke to her one more time right in front of me after that. Turns out she got engaged on Christmas Eve. I was sitting right next to D and said "Tell her I said Merry Christmas and Congratulations". She answered back with the bare minimum.

Jake is almost 6 months old and she has not met him yet. She lives FIVE MINUTES away. I refuse to bring him there because her and her Fiance smoke like chimneys in the house and I know that he will not hesitate to light up right in the baby's face.


I feel like maybe I should call once more, leave a message, and just drop the ball in her court. But I also feel like at this point that is being a doormat too. Ugh, this is so frustrating and I am sincerely hurt that she seems to have zero interest in meeting her nephew and appears to be harboring some kind of grudge against me and DH that she is just essentially taking out on Jake.

I don't want this to turn into one of those things where we don't speak to each other for years. This is SO SO SO STUPID. But at the same time, how many times do let her walk all over me before I say enough is enough and stop making the effort?

Any advice please?

Re: SIL issues AGAIN

Sandra,
I hate to say it - but it sounds like she's made her decision for now. From what you're saying, you've more than extended numerous invitations and "held out the olive branch." She sounds like a very immature person and until she's ready to grow up, I don't think anything will change. I would not be surprised though if she suddenly turns nicey nicey as she starts planning a wedding and wants help/involvement from family!

Re: SIL issues AGAIN

I agree, the ball is already in her court. let her decide what to do. Your not cutting her off, she is making that decision. When she comes around, you'll be there, but I dont think you should do anythign else for now.

Re: SIL issues AGAIN

I think you have done a lot to reach out to her. I would let it go for now. Someone I know had a similar thing happen when she had a baby - some of the in laws had no interest in coming to see the baby. It is hurtful, but it is probably not about you guys, but it's probably her own drama or emotions getting in the way.

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Message edited 11/29/2007 4:22:18 PM.

Re: SIL issues AGAIN

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Message edited 11/29/2007 4:21:55 PM.

Re: SIL issues AGAIN

Although it's sad to say it, I think it is time to cut your losses. I'm not saying to disregard her as part of the family, but maybe not to go out of your way for her anymore. I would still be the bigger person and send her a Congrats card for her engagement. She should really be ashamed of herself for not coming to see your son who is now 6 months old. Regardless of whether or not they smoke in their house, you should not be having to bring your son to her. She should have taken the 5 minute trip to your house long ago.

Re: SIL issues AGAIN

Overall, I agree for the most part that she needs to be a little more mature about this bc she is missing out on the babies life and her familes lives. The one thing I keep tossing between is the "after the baby was born" thing. Its totally my opinion but I would personally be livered if my brother and sis n law didnt let me see my new niece/nephew after they were born. Is that the case or did I read that wrong? However, even with that, I would not STOP seeing my neice/nephew as if I disowned my family bc i was angry. Thats just plain ridiculous. Maybe u both need to talk about what has transpired the last few months. Why dont u go over without the baby and talk. I am like you, family is so important to me. I couldnt let someone loose even if they were acting horribly to me. I sense that u want to fix it no matter what cost it is to you. If this is the case, i would sit down and chat.

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That's just horrible. It truly is her loss though. You've done all that you could and I feel that the ball has been in her court for quite some time now. Im sorry to say this, but its really up to her now.

Re: SIL issues AGAIN