Question for SAHM mom's

I am due in about three months. I have to make a decision this week whether or not I am going to return to work after the baby is born.

I don't *have* to - we can make it on my DH's salary...and I always thought that being a SAHM was wanted I wanted, unconditionally.

But now I am a little nervous about not coming back to work. I feel that I will lost my "identity" a little. Or maybe it's not making money that is freaking me out - I am not sure - But I am a little scared.

I do have my own business on the side that is small but I can work on it to make it something - but I guess it's just such a HUGE life change - I am fearful.

Can you offer me any words of encouragement?

Re: Question for SAHM mom's

To be totally honest with you, it is "Extremely" difficult to feel like you have no money and your stuck at home. I know from experience but think about that beautiful baby who no one could care for better than you. One of my biggest issues was always the fact that I did not want to come home and have someone else tell me the new things that my baby did that day. I plan to go back to work part time in approximately a year. Till then I will just rough it. Knowing that my baby is being taken care the right way and that I'm not missing important milestones is payment enough right now.

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Well, I am not a SAHM but it has always been my dream to be one. I think that since you are a first time mommy it is a little overwhelming and scary going into uncharted territory. If I was able to be a SAHM (which right now I am not) I would want to take advantage of the opportunity because you only have your first baby once and I would want to cherish each moment. Maybe you could see how it goes for a few months and then make a decision.....they say a baby changes everything!

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I'm a SAHM and I love it. There are days when it is hard and you feel very disconnected with the rest of the world but believe me there will be days that you will be so grateful for it too. Ultimately it's a very personal decision and one that only you can make. I know it's hard though so I wish you all the best!

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I had intentions of going back to work but then I gave birth and just couldn't do it. There are days where she drives me insane and then I have a day like today where she makes me laugh all day long and I think that if I was at work I'd miss all this.

Yes, some days are lonely and some days I swear the dog actually talked to me LOL. But other days I go and visit friends or meet up with people I worked with and I treasure the time so much more with them.

If you can afford to stay home do it - you can always go back to work if you want to. I think for most mom's its a decision that is better made after the baby is born. A baby truly changes everything - in a good way

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Posted by lorimarie

I had intentions of going back to work but then I gave birth and just couldn't do it. There are days where she drives me insane and then I have a day like today where she makes me laugh all day long and I think that if I was at work I'd miss all this.

Yes, some days are lonely and some days I swear the dog actually talked to me LOL. But other days I go and visit friends or meet up with people I worked with and I treasure the time so much more with them.

If you can afford to stay home do it - you can always go back to work if you want to. I think for most mom's its a decision that is better made after the baby is born. A baby truly changes everything - in a good way

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It's definitely a very personal decision.
I'm also a sahm for my nine month daughter and I do agree with the other girls, it's hard don't get me wrong but for me the biggest reward is that I get to see her grow up right before my eyes and that's priceless.
If you can do it, go for it but just wait and see when the baby is born.
Good luck.

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It is a very personal decision. I just went thru similar - so feel free to FM me. I always thought I wanted to work and after having the baby I questioned that. I do have the option to stay home if I wanted to - we can make it fine financially. But as time went on during my maternity leave - I really started to miss my "adult" life and my own identity as much as I want to spend every waking moment with my son. I felt like I was losing a huge part of myself. I also worked so hard to get where I am and make a very good salary and to be independent on just my DH's money - just isn't me. My DH let me make my own decision and he actually told me with my personality he couldn't see me staying home and not working. I did go back to work. It has only been a week and it has been hard and great at the same time. I do struggle with guilt for having the option to stay home but going to work and let me tell you people make me feel worse about my personal decision. I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. It is a constant struggle. So right now I am back at work. Will I change my mind in a year, a month, after a second - I don't know - but right now I am going with my gut.

Not sure if that helps but want to let you know that there isnothing wrong with working for whatever reason you choose. It doesn't make you a bad mommy or person. I do believe in the end it will only make you better.

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Thank you all for sharing your personal stories with me - it really means a lot.

It's a really huge decision that I guess I don't want to feel rushed into - but the thing I really realized reading all your advice is - I can change my mind whenever I want! Knowing that does make whatever the decision is easier.

Thank you sooo much!

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I always thought I'd stay at home all the time when our baby comes, and that option is just a thought right now. We haven't played the numbers game yet to see if it will work.....BUT.....I only work PT 9-2 everyday. I sat at home every weekend for so long while DH works (retail) and I HATE it. WE only had 1 car, so I was stranded. The thought of staying at home ALL the time without SOME adult contact frightens me. I'm not sure when I'll go back or IF I will go back after my maternity leave, but if I decide to, it's because I love the people I work with and the job more than the $$.

Now, if I have to go FT to something else....then I might cry.

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Do you qualify for FMLA? If you do, I would take the 12 weeks and decide for yourself if you want to work PT or be a SAHM. Why do you have to give them a decision now? You shouldn't have to at all. I kept telling my company I was coming back until my 10 weeks were up and I gave them 2 weeks notice about working PT.

I ended up working 20 hours a week (2-10 hour nights) while my husband watched our daughter. We didn't want to pay daycare because it didn't make sense when we calculated out everything. I have since become a SAHM...

I feel a little left out at times, but there are SAHM groups you can join and have plenty of adult interaction. It is an adjustment, but you have to do what's best for your family.

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I will be perfectly honest with you my son is 15 months and I have loved every minute being here to watch him grow but on the other hand it has left me with nothing else to talk about but my son. I go stir crazy most days. but Im forced to stay home my husband works such odd hours and I dont really believe in day care. If I were you I would test it out during your mternity leave and see how you feel about it afterwards but at this point I would love to go back to work and I will as soon as my son and my future child is in school. well good luck with your decision its a tough one but most decisions when you have a child are tough lol

Re: Question for SAHM mom's

I also agree with Lorimarie. We made a lot of big changes in our life to allow me to be a SAHM, and while I love being with my son, and couldn't stand to leave him alone with anyone (not even my mom), it's a lot harder than I thought.
For me, the perfect solution is to build up a part time business. I'm a massage therapist, and I'm working on opening a small studio in my house. Even though we planned for me not having a salary, I feel so guilty spending money and I HATE that.
You said you had a small business that you could work on, I say go for it! That will keep you intellectually occupied and give you some extra mani/pedi/clothes or cleaning lady money.

Re: Question for SAHM mom's

Message edited 5/2/2007 2:48:32 PM.

Re: Question for SAHM mom's

Cassidy is 5 1/2 months and I have been home with her so far. It is great, but it has been "challenging". My DH works long and strange hours, so for right now it would be nearly impossible for me to work, and we don;t want to put her in daycare or with a babysitter...she's just too little.
I love being with her and seeing all the new things that she's doing, but I also worry that she'll be too attached. With Scotty, I went back to work FT when he was 8 weeks (my mom watched him 5 days/week!) and he is so adaptable to any situation. I feel like Cassidy may not have that. I also long for some "adult time". DH works alot, so 90% of the time it's just me and the kids. I do feel like I have lost some of my identity. I would think that I will go back to work p/t...maybe a couple of days a week. We could certainly use the $$, and I think I would be a better mom (not that I'm a bad mother now ) if I got out a little bit.

It's really such a tough decision. I feel guilty for even thinking this way. But then again, don't we moms feel guilty about EVERYTHING??!!

Re: Question for SAHM mom's

I guess I just want to weight in although I am not a SAHM. Daycare does not mean that someone else is raising your child. You need to look into your own situation and do what is best for you and your family. There is NOTHING wrong with NOT wanting to give up your job/career. Many, many wome LOVE work. Many simply want the financial freedom that working bring thems.

Funny that we have to feel so much guilt when no one ever said to my husband, "Oh...you are going back to work...hum...how will you leave your baby?". I never thought that was fair. Scott doesn't feel guilt over having his career, but we are made to feel that way or made to feel that we are allowing "someone else to raise our baby"....just seems like a HUGE double standard.

Re: Question for SAHM mom's

I just assume sometimes the man makes more then the woman, which I know is not always true.
I know so many woman that have wanted to return to there jobs. Its just MY personal feelings.. doesnt make them right but if the mom can afford to stay home and raise her children I believe thats whats best for the child.
I feel "being with mom" is always a better situation then " being in daycare".
Unless you HAVE to go back, why would u want somebody else carring for your child?
Maybe since I bonded so much being a SAHM with my kids that I cant imagine the seperation at this point, maybe If I just went back to work right away I would feel differently.
I think everyone should do whats best for them, I dont think it makes anyone right or wrong or better or worse.
Personally, I dont care what career I had..if I didnt have to go back I would never think twice about it.. There is no job better or more rewarding then being home with your babies everyday
I would be terribly sad if I had to.

Re: Question for SAHM mom's

I was a SAHM until Andrew was 9 months old. I had to go back to work, not for $$$ reasons but for my own mental well being. I know it sounds terrible, but I felt like I was losing a big part of "my" life and my idenity. Please don't get me wrong I ADORE my son and I feel so grateful that I was able to spend every moment with him from his birth until he was 9 months and two weeks old (literally every moment). But I felt isolated, lonely, and unproductive. My husband and I decided that I would go back to work 2 days a week. Andrew is not in daycare nor is he being watched by a babysitter. My husband made arrangements with his employer so he can watch Andrew the 2 days a week while I'm working. Overall it has been a great decision on our part. Rob loves his days with Andrew and I feel much better about myself and the extra income helps tremendously. Andrew now has a significant college fund, if I were not working there is no way we could contribute that amount of money monthly to his college fund.

I know no matter what decision you make it's difficult. But, remember your going to make the right choice for you and your family. Everyone is different.

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Re: Question for SAHM mom's

I wanted to be a SAHM but we can't afford to right now. IT wa very hard to come back to work but at least my Fh is the one taking care of MArissa during the day he works at nite so yeah it is a little difficult since he gets home around 6:30am but we make it work