Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

Ok so here's a little background-my brother is getting married in July and I was asked to be a bridesmaid which I of course said yes to. About a month ago I received an email (it was an email sent to all the bridesmaids) about planning the shower. I wrote back and told them that I would love to help plan and that I was available to help out with anything. Fast forward to this evening where I receive another email telling me that the maid of honor and another bridesmaid went and found a place got the OK from the mother of the bride and booked the place and the date. Well it turns out the date they picked is my grandmothers 85th birthday and while there was no party set up for that day-there definately are plans (nothing set in stone since everyone figured they had a lot of time). I contacted my mother who was never asked if this day was ok or anything and she asked if I could please email the bridal party back just informing them of the conflict and ask if the date was set in stone as it would probably mean that most of my brothers side of the family wouldn't be able to attend (there isn't a way to do both due to the time the party was booked for). So i did just sent a few lines informing them that it was my brothers grandmothers birthday and it probably would be a conflict. My Dh thinks I should've just told my brother of the conflict and stayed out of it but both my mother and I did not. I did wind up calling my brother who knew nothing of the date or anything but he didn't really seem to have an opinion on the subject either way. So now I'm worried that I'm going to appear as the B*@%chy Bridesmaid or that I might have caused some kind of problem. What do you guys think?

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

You were probably right to let them know. If they are counting on a certain # and many members of the family will not be able to make it, they need to know. Better now than after the fact when they didn't make the minimum for the place (if there is a minimum).

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

I think if your email was worded carefully you won't come across as a bi@tch. Maybe you can ask your brother for the MOH's phone number and give her a quick call. Just let her know how important your FSIL's shower is to you and your family and how unfortunate it would be if some people couldn't be there to help celebrate.

Message edited 2/20/2006 8:50:04 PM.

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

My bridal shower was not a surprise and I cleared the date with all of my BMs before we booked the place.

It's the right thing to do.

They should have certainly checked the date with your mom and that side of the family-- that is what weddings are all about.

BUT- if that is the date-- does the birthday party have to happen on the exact birthday? Or is there some flexibility?

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

They were wrong for booking the shower without making sure the date was good for your family. IMO, you are not a *****- you are right! Especially being that your grandmother is getting up in years, it is just not another birthday. Maybe you can celebrate her birthday on the other day that weekend? My mother made sure that the date of my shower was ok for my husband's immediate family. I think that is just the respectful thing to do.

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

It's possible that we could celebrate her birthday on the other day of that weekend only problem is it isn't up to me and my mom she comes from a family of 11 children and many live out of state so they may be planning a trip down (most live within driving distance and come down on weekends for her b'days) and that's just it I feel like they should've checked with someone, my brother, my mother or me?! My brothers side of the family was a complete after thought (if even that!) I don't want to have them change things for a maybe but I just felt like they should know so that in the event they dont change the date there may not be a showing on my brothers side which wouldn't be right! If it was just a birthday I dont think it would matter as much but its her 85th and not to be morbid she is getting up there so who knows! My husband just had me a little worried since he felt I should try to stay out of it and let my brother handle it.

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

I think you should have let your brother handle it.

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

I feel that out of courtesy, they should have checked with your brother's side of the family. If your email was worded properly as someone mentioned, I don't think you will be seen as bit%$.
It's really hard when planning these events as everyone lives such busy lives but at least they would have known about this date if they had at least checked beforehand.

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

I think they should have consulted your family before picking a date in the first place. I don't think you did anything wrong and as long as your email was worded correctly I don't think any drama will start up.

Good luck!

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

I think that it was fine to let them know that it is your grandmother's birthday. All of the bridesmaids should have been consulted before a date for the shower was chosen. I think that it was very inconsiderate for the MOH and BM to book the date without checking the date out with you and your mother. As long as your e-mail was worded nicely, I don't think you will come off like a b*tch.

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

Re: Do you think I was wrong? Need Opinions!

Posted by Jax430

I think that it was fine to let them know that it is your grandmother's birthday. All of the bridesmaids should have been consulted before a date for the shower was chosen. I think that it was very inconsiderate for the MOH and BM to book the date without checking the date out with you and your mother. As long as your e-mail was worded nicely, I don't think you will come off like a b*tch.