Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

OK-to give those who dont already know a quick background...4 months after I got engaged (and booked my wedding) I found out I got pg. even though I was on the pill

FH and I(along with out families) were overjoyed, even though our timing was way off...

Baby Ryan is due this october, while my wedding was booked for October of 06', for bad timing it kinda works out for us.. I still get to have my dream wedding and so forth...

A few months ago we ran into an insurance issue and decided we had to get married before the baby was born..at first it was just gonna be a legal mumbo jumbo..but as time grew on and my hormones began going crazy...it was now important to have his last name and be a family...


We decdied to get married in the town hall on 7/22/05 (wedding rings and all) and then get married in the eyes of god..followed by my fairy tale reception as planned 10/27/06... (Ryan and Marissa 7/22/05 celebrated on 10/27/06)

My question is Fh and I arent really making a big deal out of this... FMIL wants to make all these plans and have flowers and all this crap and him and I just arent into it... She wants us to take pictures and remember this day for no matter what our marriage certificate will always say 7/22/05....

Im happy we are getting married and Im happy with the decision we made to do things this way...but this is not the day I will remember as my wedding day...these are not the "wedding pictures" im gonna hang in my house!

We kinda wish it was just me and him...no one else, but those who have heard stories about FMIL know that could never happen!!

Are we wrong... should we be making a bigger deal out of this... We are very focused on the arrival of our son...plus we just moved in together...so many things happening at once...are we blowing this off????

TIA

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

Okay, I'm going to talk about this a bit, because it's a topic I can totally relate to. I found out that I was pregnant in November 04', which was a complete surprise for DH and I. We had our May 2005 wedding all planned. All the vendors were already booked, but the invitations weren't out yet.
We discussed postponing, because I was worried about getting married being nearly 8 months pregnant. I was worried about how our families would react and how it would look in pictures and things like that.
MIL was adament that we either keep the May 2005 wedding though, or we see about moving the wedding up. We decided (not with much enthusiasm) that we'd keep the May wedding, because moving it up would just add more stress. We knew not all of our original vendors wouldn't be available for a new date and we didn't want to have to go through re-planning.
Near the end of December, the same thing happened to us. We had an insurance issue come up and like you, I was eager to take on his name and be a family. So, we decided to have a very small ceremony with a justice of the peace and our immediate families present. We had the ceremony on January 15th.
After that, we put the May wedding on the back burner. DH and I didn't care about it at all. We had just moved into our new apartment and we were already married. We wanted to focus on the arrival of our little boy and didn't want to be bothered with the remainder of the planning. We desperately wanted to cancel and got into so many arguments with our parents over it. They constantly gave us guilt trips about our family members that didn't get to see us get married in January, how "excited" they were that the May wedding was coming and how "disappointed" they'd be if we cancelled.
So, we half-heartedly went along with the rest of the planning "for our families". Well, let me just say, I am SO INCREDIBLY GLAD that we went through with it.
On May 22nd, 2005 we renewed our vows in front of our families and had our big reception and let me just say, it was one of the best days of my entire life. DH and I had so much fun and it was an amazing feeling seeing our familes come together and have such a great time. When it was all over, I thought I was crazy for not being excited about my "big day".
You don't have to neccessarily make a big deal out of this wedding, but just enjoy it, especially since you'll have your little guy to share the "big day" with you. I can relate to all the feelings of it not feeling like your wedding day and not wanting to go crazy for it, but in the end, trust me, it's completely worth it. I hope I was able to help a bit with my story. Sorry it was so long

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

Thanks for your response... Im glad to be able to hear the story through someone whose already been through it!!

I dont know if im a little confused...or if I didnt explain myself right... or whatever...

Im so excited about the original wedding next year...and totally looking forward to it... I fear that after the baby is here..like you I may not want to go through with it... But as of now its really important to me...and after hearing your story...realize it will always be..

This wedding at the JOP (which is this friday) is important to me ...because I want to be married ...but I dont feel the need to wear white...or make FH wear a suite..or even go out to a fancy restaurant after dinner... to me i just want us to be a family..wedding bands.. the same last name.. Im wearing a pink dress.. i told him just khakis and a button down shirt.. if we're hungry and our parents our hungry then we'll get something to eat..

I understand this is our wedding date and will be the date will celebrate forever...but I dont want to take away from my BIG wedding next year!

FMIL is making me feel like im not giving this wedding(the JOP) enough attention.. For instance shes mad that I dont wanna wear a corsage...or take millions of pictures!

this is what am I asking am I wrong for feeling this way?>?? should i be giving this wedding more attention???

ETA: I appreciate this so much




Sorry if Im just slow and didnt get it the firt time lol

Message edited 7/17/2005 1:19:33 PM.

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

I was in a similar situation - we were scheduled to get married 10/31/04 but instead of getting pregnant, we ran into Visa issues (DH is Israeli). His visa was going to expire before the wedding date, so instead of moving up the date, we decided to get married at City Hall. I also wanted it to be nothing, and to keep the focus on the 10/31 date, but my mom was insistent on coming, as well as some of my friends. But, it really was tremendously informal... I walked over to City Hall from work wearing just a suit - DH showed up in Khaki's and a button down. We didn't exchange rings and only have a few pictures on a digital camera. I agree with you, I don't think it has to be a big deal, especially if you want to keep the focus on the big reception. And even though it wasn't a big deal, that day is such a fond memory for me - waiting for an hour with my closest friends to get into the judge's chambers, joking around about everyone else in the waiting room. Having champagne in City Hall right after the ceremony, and then going to a nice, private, intimate dinner to celebrate with just me and DH... you'll always remember that day as something special, but IMO, it doesn't have to be made into something huge...

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

princessmaris,

I think you should take some pics of the day, because you are after all getting married. Don't do a professional or anything but make sure someone takes some pics or a video to remember it. Someday your kids will want to know why you have 2 anniversaries!

The important thing is that you will be married, whether civilly or religiously, and you are a family. That's what kept me going with my one wedding...that in the end, it didn't matter what went wrong or who got ticked off, but at the end of the day-I married my best friend and it was us against the world and no one can take that away.

Get a small bouquet, take some pics, go to dinner.....it is a special day worthy of a celebration!

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

I honestly think you should take pics of that day. It is an important milestone for you, and its always a beautiful thing to have in your album - even if you aren't going to put them in frames or hang them later.

You wedding will be another wonderful experience for you but that doesn't mean you should ignor the legal union between you.

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

I most certainly do not want to ignore it...however I fear that if we make this a HUGE deal... I look at my october wedding and be like...why bother now... does that sound silly???

This is special to us..hence the reason we decided to buy rings and use this date as our anniversary date...

Also...this is gonna prob sound silly...and maybe even vain..and its not meant that way at all... maybe its just these raging hormones... but even when I was picking out a dress...there wasnt anything I put on and said "Wow I look great and feel like a million bucks" .... maybe im just uncomfortable in general...

I def. will do dinner afterwards...I def. will take some pictures... however Im not going crazy to make reservations..or have someone be there professionally....do you know what I mean??

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

totally know what you mean.

Can you designate one person to take photos or video?

When your MIL wants flowers...to what extent? Several brides that did the JOP still had a small bouquet.

I don't think this warrants a professional photographer or anything....

and dinner reservations MAY be needed depending on how many people you are having witness your event and want to celebrate with you.

IT could be nerves, raging hormones, or just the "fear" that this will overshadow your Wedding Celebration next year. Let it be what it is, your wedding day. Try to compromise as best you can, maybe the MIL fears that you'll let the "big deal" next year fall to the wayside with the new baby and all.

Can't wait to see some pics!!

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

Message edited 1/30/2009 9:39:29 AM.

Re: Repost from LIW~ Want your opinions ...

I don't think anything can take away from your big wedding in October, plus you'll always treasure photos f this day, even if you don't hang them up you can keep them in a private album. If your FMIL wants to have a few flowers and some photos she can. Your guests won't see it and think you had two big receptions, they'll be there to celebrate in october 06 with you and the baby! I think you should let FMIL make a big deal out of it. it IS a big deal You're getting married. Enjoy it. Congrats!