Would you be mad

I'm so angry about this I'm like fuming and I'm going to cry, and I'm not a cryer...

and it's like 2 weeks after the fact... but anyway

I had this group of frineds in HS. We did everythign together, we travelled together, we went to the prom together, etc. Once we graduated HS we still kept in touch, some more than others. Now some are in med school, some are working FT jobs, some are teaching overseas. We're all over the place. 3 weeks ago I get an email that since we're all going to be in NY for the first time in years, and probably the last time in years we're going to go out to dinner to celebrate our 10 year anniversary of being friends.

Turns out it's at the exact time of my opening night for my show. It's a short show and I'm like "look that's the one bad night for me...but maybe we can makedinner later. Instead of 9pm, maybe we can have dinner at 10:30, which will give me plenty of tie to get there, and if you want, coming to my show can be part of the GTG."

the response I got was "well this restaurant's kitchen closes at 10:30, so we can't move the time"

I guess moving the restaurant was out of the question.

At the time I kind of shurgged it off, I had too much to do to worry about it, and I do now too, but I get an Fm from a friend who is going back to China and I haven't seen her in years and I won't see her about how she missed me there..and it just set me off.

I'm like really completely ****** about this, and I think my friend at first understood but is now sort of offended at how ****** I actually am. And she said something like "well I guess we got stuck on the restaurant", and I'm like "well I guess the restaurant is more improtant than all of us ebing there" and earleir when i said I didn't know who picked the date because it was the ONE day I couldn't come she was like "well I think it was because we worked around "a,b, c &d's schedules" and I understand it's hard...but no one even asked me ahead of time, just TOLD me about it..and I know they were planning to go out afterward, so it's not like moving it later would have been a big deal. No one even made an effort to let me know where I could meet the to see them after dinner. I am just hurt and sad and mostly ANGRY

Re: Would you be mad

don't blame you for being angry and hurt, I would be too.

the whole point is that you're all together. who cares where it is.

Re: Would you be mad

Re: Would you be mad

That sucks. Couldn't you just have met them after dinner for drinks or whatever?

Re: Would you be mad

Re: Would you be mad

I would be fuming mad and really hurt that they couldn't work with you even a little on the date, time or place.

Re: Would you be mad

HECK YA i would be ******, this is manhattan we are talking about, there must be a million restaurants to choose from, they couldnt wait for you?? yeah i would be real mad.

Re: Would you be mad

Re: Would you be mad

I'm surprised you didn't do more to meet up with them afterwards or to change the plans...I understand you were busy but I can also see how some of them might think - well if she really wanted to be here, she would've made more of an effort.

Not to say that they are right. I totally agree with you and I would be very very p!ssed off too. Especially with that "great idea" reply and nothing else.

Unfortunately this all happened in the past now and the things you could have done differently and that they could have done differently are moot.

What answers or solution are you looking for? You say you are concerned about what this says about the future and the present...does that mean you are questioning continuing your friendship with some of them?

ETA: b/c I'd be very upset about something like this too

Message edited 8/25/2006 1:53:08 PM.

Re: Would you be mad

Well I don't know what I could really have done. I suggested a place for an after dinner meet up, since I knew exactly what time I would get out of my show and I needed them to tell me when they'd get out of dinner I don't know what else I could have done.

I don;t know why I wasn;t consulted BEFORE the fact like everyone else, and why the restaurant was more important.

I went out to dinner with my cast that night instead..apparently some crazy restaurants were still serving at 10;30 on a friday night.

Message edited 8/25/2006 2:03:15 PM.

Re: Would you be mad

Oh so you did offer up a meet up place for afterwards... and their response was "good idea" and then they never confirmed with a time they'd be out?

Then no, there was nothing more you could have done... and yes, they should have consulted with you before the plans were made.

Re: Would you be mad

I am just ****** OFF!

My friend was saying miscommunication and she thought I was busy the whole night. I was like "Do you want me to show you the email? How do you think I know the restaurant stopped serving at 10;30, cause I asked to make it later"

and now she's going back to China.

She's one of my BM, and she feels really bad, but i KNOW she si not the one who planned this... she still feels badly that she didn't raise any objection to the date when she found out I couldn't come

Re: Would you be mad

This is not what you want to hear, but I'm going to say it anyway.

I'm going to offer you some hugs because you definitely had a right to be upset and I would be too.

However, you have to think about whether or not you still want them in your life, and if you do, you need to let it go.

There's no point in crying over spilt milk. I understand if this had just happened, but it happened 2 weeks ago. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it, there's nothing anyone can do about it. It's just messed up and bringing it up is going to make you feel bad, your friends feel bad and it isn't going to help anything.

Planning things when there are a lot of people involved is really hard. I'm sorry that you feel they blew you off. But for your own mental health, let it go if you want to continue being friends with them.

Hope you feel better!

Re: Would you be mad

I would be mad & hurt. They could have at least attempted to change the plans.

Re: Would you be mad

i can't believe they wouldn't go to a diff rest. thats crazy!!!