Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

interested in how? are they dating? if so, I would not be happy about him still "connecting" w/his ex at all

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

ehh a very gray area--i hate when my boyfriend even mentions his ex, let aloneif he is FRIENDS with her.. i think it depends who ended it, and if either person has feelings for the other...personally i like to leave my past in the past and would hope my boyfriend or future bf would do the same

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

She was invited to our wedding. And she is coming to visit with her husband to see the baby this summer.

I think it depends on the "connecting"? If it's one on one that is wierd, if one is single and one is married or divorced that's wierd, are they doing things in secret or trying to hide things?

We'll go out as a couple and if she calls she speaks to both of us. We look nothing alike but we are similar in many ways so I like her alot.

The only wierd thing is her parents ADORE my husband and I know it makes her husband uncomfortable which I think ***** but he is secure enough to know they love him too. She got a bit wierd when we were getting enagaged but I think that happens to alot of girls when they are single and there friends are proposing. Soon afte she found a great guy and they'll be married a year in a few weeks. We missed their wedding because I was having my son.

We're happy for them and they are happy for us.

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

It depends on how they are connecting, whether they email, call each other or make plans to see one another; whether the other person is in a relationship; how the relationship ended.

If they recently broke up, it would make me uncomfortable, but if they transitioned into friendship, I would be okay with emails/rare phone calls.

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

they are just getting to know each other. they've been out on a few dates, but she can sense that there are still feelings for his ex.

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

Message edited 5/3/2006 10:40:51 AM.

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

okay...it's me...i'm the friend. and now i do feel like *transition girl*. but here's the thing: he's super, duper, uber nice. i haven't met anyone like this in a really long time.

this *connecting* i spoke of is based on the assumption that he still does talk to his ex. there's this myspace thing i'm sure you've all heard of b4. he posts comments on her page. secret giggles. and this upsets me. why? mmm. mostly cuz he intiated it. taking a few retro-steps back to last weekend - in conversation, we are trying to calm down another girlfriend of mine b/c she's upset that her BF is *commenting* on girls pages...this guy i'm seeing said things like -- but he's with you -- myspace isnt real life -- he's with you in real life -- and i agreed with him...but now that it's me, it feel uneasy about it...

in answer to your question why they broke up: he said they didn't mean what they used to to each other...lost their identities...as far as who broke up with whom? i dont know.

my biggest problem is not asking him more about it. it makes him real uneasy to talk about his past relationship with the person who he's interested in now. so i leave it alone...

is it jealousy i feel? maybe not. just selfishness of wanting him all to myself. but alas, i sit here thinking -- am i transitory sally? or could this be real? i'm blinded by the romantic light, unwilling to put up a fight for someone who i barely know, and who i know might still be attached to someone not me.

thanks for listening lifam. and thanks rak, for looking out.

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

That's a tough one, Paige. I guess for me it would depend on how long it's been since the breakup and where it goes from there, if anywhere. Maybe he's sincerely making an effort to be friends with her, and more with you. If he's really nice to you, and he seems into you, I would just wait it out and see how it plays out. So far it hasn't interefered with your relationship, right? And he hasn't said anything inappropriate as far as you know? I mean, for me talking on raises a red flag, but it doesn't HAVE to be that if he shows signs that he's really into you. But until you know for sure, I would be on my guard.

Have you ever point blank asked him if he still has feelings for his ex?

ETA: When my fiance and I started dating almost 7 years ago, I was still in touch with several of my exes. Some of the phone calls and emails dropped off completely, some people I still keep in touch with to say Merry Christmas or How are you, etc. But I've been with FH for 7 years and we're getting married, there's no way I would go back with any of those guys.

Message edited 5/3/2006 11:28:58 AM.

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

Well, if it helps you, when I first met my husband, he was still connecting with his ex, in the sense that, they would call each other once in a while to say hi, say merry christmas etc. At first I was jealous but then I realized 2 things: 1) He had a life before me, and who am I to take that away or be jealous of something or someone that has a history with him 2) He has a very outgoing personality and the more I got to know him, the more I realized it was harmless..that's just how he is. I did ask him at first why he was calling her and he told me flat out...she was a part of my life for a long time and you can't just drop them..I still care what happens to her. This was EARLY on - I'm talking, the first 2 months of our relationship. Their calls, etc gradually dropped off to nothing. But I understood, it took a while for him to move on completely. And when he did move on, it was with me, and now we are married for over 2 years! Does that make sense?

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

that totally makes sense. and i think you are a patient woman. kudos. even better was ending up married. that's awesome!

i never ask about her, cuz then it would bring her into *our* relationship. and i don't think it'd be right to do that.

i like the idea of waiting it out. see what transpires. take it light. keep my guard up. but this staying silent bull...it's killing me. but then i think - am i being too immature? and then i think --just let it go, wait it out & see what happens. then he does all these nice things for me and i can't help but see the falling begin to happen. i'm just a sucka for the romance. he is really into me. it's plain to see.

how do you ask him about his ex without totally buggin him out?

"what we have here...is a failure to communicate"

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

they were together for 5 years...she moved out last december. some of her stuff lingers there still... i dont say a word, because i went through that too. i understand. but it disappoints me anyway...

it did interfere 2 weeks ago. and i was furious..and he knew it, but we never talked about it cuz he thought it was inappropriate. now i'm left to wonder... but he shows me a lot of affection & interest... but there are certain patterns i see begining to emerge. i'd like to take a step back and stop all the kissy-kissy and just get back to the basics of getting to know him more. i think.

Re: Posting this for a friend: how does it make you feel if the person you are interested in is still connecting with his ex?

depends...why did they break things off with the X?

The reason I ask this is becuase I am still friends with someone I dated freshman yr in college....it was nothing serious...but we both realized that we really were just friends...we didn't have any kind of Lust for each other.

DH and him are friends now also, DH helped him pick out an engagement ring for his FH....and his FH asked me to be one of her bridemaids.
I don't have a problem with a friendship like this because we are all friends. When friend calls my house he doesnt need to speak to me....he can tell DH why he is calling....because we all are friends.

however if DH or I had an X that we felt the need to not include in our lives together as a couple....I think there would be a problem with that.


I hope this makes sense...and I didn't runon too much.