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Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

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theanonymous1
LIF Zygote

Member since 3/06

1 total post

Name:
B

Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I am a pretty regular poster here, but did not feel comfortable posting this under an identity where I would be recognized.

This has little to do with me, but it is a strange and confusing situation and I was looking to see how others might perceive this.

Here is the situation:

A girl is dating a guy for nearly a year when a trgedy strikes his family. He changes, the relationship changes. The girl is in denial and wants the relationship to get back to normal. She is very supportive and is just trying to be there. The guy is just not the same person.

One day they are being "intimate", and consentually. At first things seem normal, but suddenly the guy seems to just not "be there"- girl feels that something is just not right- it feels different, does not feel the same and feel no connection. The girl tries to stop the guy from continuing, but there is no response, again like he is just "not there." After several attempts to stop what is happening without success, she just lays there until it is over.

In your opinion, what do you consider what took place in this scenario. It is two people that had been intimate in the past many times and initially it was a consentual situation- then things changed . . .

I would love to hear everyone's thoughts

Posted 3/18/06 12:50 PM
 
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Mushpot
LIF Adolescent

Member since 2/06

846 total posts

Name:
Traci

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I consider that RAPE! If she said no, and tried to stop, and he didn't.. That is rape in every sense of the word. Definitely not consentual anymore!!!

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon my heart goes out to that person...

Posted 3/18/06 1:04 PM
 

Mrs-Boop
My Babies

Member since 5/05

4956 total posts

Name:
Jaime

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

If she told him to stop and he didn't..that rape.Chat Icon

Posted 3/18/06 1:06 PM
 

suvenR
designer mutt

Member since 5/05

4239 total posts

Name:

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I agree with the first 2 posters Chat Icon

Posted 3/18/06 1:14 PM
 

Redhead
You Live, You Learn

Member since 5/05

31871 total posts

Name:
Jennifer

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...

Message edited 3/18/2006 2:23:28 PM.

Posted 3/18/06 2:23 PM
 

PiyoPika566
talk to the hand

Member since 5/05

1436 total posts

Name:
Stephanie

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by Redhead

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...



I agree with Jenn.. I need more info, but I don't see it as rape.

Posted 3/18/06 2:26 PM
 

My2Boys
Love.

Member since 10/05

4796 total posts

Name:

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by PiyoPika566

Posted by Redhead

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...



I agree with Jenn.. I need more info, but I don't see it as rape.



I agree with this as well. What does *she* think it was? Chat Icon

Posted 3/18/06 2:29 PM
 

LAMGAJ28
.

Member since 10/05

6039 total posts

Name:

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by Redhead

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...



I couldn't agree more with the statement above. It seems from what you described that this man is no longer interested in this woman and he is just going through the motions. I think the woman knows what's going on but is still hoping that things will work out..that perhaps this is just a rough time in their relationship and things will be ok again and feelings will be "normal" as they used to be. I think as they are adults they should sit down and have a conversation about the relationship..where it's going and also to see if perhaps his feelings are still there for her but perhaps he's going through so much..or a lot of pain because of the misfortune in the family....I feel personally that only talking and communicating honestly with each other, they will both be able to reach a place where they will both be comfortable to decide what to do next about their relationship and where it's headed....if it is.
If on the other hand, there was a NO...a STOP....some yellling from her and he didn't stop...there's more there and I will have to agree with the poster. Perhaps if you give us more information, we can probably give more objective opinions and advices.
And just some Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon
And think that no matter how bad things seem at the moment, there's light at the end of tunnel.....

Posted 3/18/06 2:38 PM
 

SoinLove
Making big changes

Member since 5/05

16541 total posts

Name:
Kristin

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by MrsFresca
I couldn't agree more with the statement above. It seems from what you described that this man is no longer interested in this woman and he is just going through the motions. I think the woman knows what's going on but is still hoping that things will work out..that perhaps this is just a rough time in their relationship and things will be ok again and feelings will be "normal" as they used to be. I think as they are adults they should sit down and have a conversation about the relationship..where it's going and also to see if perhaps his feelings are still there for her but perhaps he's going through so much..or a lot of pain because of the misfortune in the family....I feel personally that only talking and communicating honestly with each other, they will both be able to reach a place where they will both be comfortable to decide what to do next about their relationship and where it's headed....if it is.
If on the other hand, there was a NO...a STOP....some yellling from her and he didn't stop...there's more there and I will have to agree with the poster. Perhaps if you give us more information, we can probably give more objective opinions and advices.
And just some Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon
And think that no matter how bad things seem at the moment, there's light at the end of tunnel.....



Well put. I completely agree.

Posted 3/18/06 2:44 PM
 

skygirl
Our prayers were answered:)

Member since 6/05

4919 total posts

Name:
Erica

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by My2Boys

Posted by PiyoPika566

Posted by Redhead

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...



I agree with Jenn.. I need more info, but I don't see it as rape.



I agree with this as well. What does *she* think it was? Chat Icon





I agree as well - I am not sure what to think ecause I would want more info before I could give you my opinion.

Posted 3/18/06 2:45 PM
 

MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.

Member since 5/05

26170 total posts

Name:
MrsERod™®

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by theanonymous1

One day they are being "intimate", and consentually. At first things seem normal, but suddenly the guy seems to just not "be there"- girl feels that something is just not right- it feels different, does not feel the same and feel no connection. The girl tries to stop the guy from continuing, but there is no response, again like he is just "not there." After several attempts to stop what is happening without success, she just lays there until it is over.




because it started out consentual, this is really a tough call for me. it was only after he had already penetrated her, and they were being "intimate" that she felt the "disconnection" from him and decided to try and stop what was happening. imo, that isn't rape. had she told him no! stop! from the beginning, and attempted to stop him from penetrating her, and he did anyway, then i'd say its rape. jmo


Rape
The crime of rape (or "first-degree sexual assault" in some states) generally refers to non-consensual sexual intercourse that is committed by physical force or threat of injury.



eta: I hope things work out for your friend and her relationship!

Chat Icon

Message edited 3/18/2006 5:45:30 PM.

Posted 3/18/06 4:58 PM
 

BaroqueMama
Chase is one!

Member since 5/05

27530 total posts

Name:
me

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by Redhead

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...



I agree with this.

Posted 3/18/06 5:11 PM
 

rose825
Best Friends

Member since 6/05

10228 total posts

Name:

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

if she tried to stop it there is a strong argument that it is indeed rape: I found this on line:

Rape After Consenting to Sex
Via How Appealing, we learn that the California Supreme Court ruled today that a male commits forcible rape if his female partner consents to intercourse, intercourse begins, and then she changes her mind and wants to stop. Here's the full opinion which begins with:

We granted this case to settle a conflict in Court of Appeal decisions as to whether the crime of forcible rape (Pen. Code, ? 261, subd. (a)(2)) is committed if the female victim consents to an initial penetration by her male companion, and then withdraws her consent during an act of intercourse, but the male continues against her will. (Compare People v. Vela (1985) 172 Cal.App.3d 237 (Vela) [no rape committed] with People v. Roundtree (2000) 77 Cal.App.4th 846 (Roundtree) [rape committed].) We agree with Roundtree and the Court of Appeal in the present case that a withdrawal of consent effectively nullifies any earlier consent and subjects the male to forcible rape charges if he persists in what has become nonconsensual intercourse."

Posted 3/18/06 5:14 PM
 

Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!

Member since 5/05

20046 total posts

Name:
Gerty ®

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I am not sure what to think. You don't say anywhere that he got rough or vicious with her. You also don't mention any kind of force.
You say that he was "not there" and that she decided then that she wanted him to stop. It seems very confused to me. There are a lot of "if" factors here and unless I knew more I wouldn't be able to make any kind of judgement.
BTW, I hope things work out.Chat Icon

Posted 3/18/06 5:24 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

It would depend on what type of attempts were made to stop it, and what type of attempts were made to continue it. I think it's really screwed up, very very sad, but I wouldn't think it was rape unless there was actual force involved.

Regardless of how little it actually has to do with you, it's affected you enough to post it...Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 3/18/06 5:43 PM
 

justme1
Proud SAHM

Member since 5/05

1955 total posts

Name:
Jodi

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

i agree that " im not in the mood, why dont we stop" and STOP, GET OFF, STOP
are 2 different things.

Posted 3/18/06 7:27 PM
 

kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son

Member since 2/06

2747 total posts

Name:
Kelly

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

It doesn't matter if they had been intimate before, no is no. There is no question that if she told him to stop and he didn't, he rapped her.Chat Icon

Posted 3/18/06 7:31 PM
 

Redhead
You Live, You Learn

Member since 5/05

31871 total posts

Name:
Jennifer

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by kms717

It doesn't matter if they had been intimate before, no is no. There is no question that if she told him to stop and he didn't, he rapped her.Chat Icon

See i would tend to agree....BUT
and flame away
i think that if you want someone to stop, FOR REAL. There would be much more involved thana simple "stop"
I would be yelling, kicking, fighting, screaming etc etc....
The poster says it was the impression of this girl that her bf didn't even seem to acknowledge that anything was said to him at all.."he wasn't there"

So if you are realizing this in the moment and you really want the act to stop...we all got lungs to scream, arms to beat him to make sure he "knows"

Message edited 3/18/2006 7:38:20 PM.

Posted 3/18/06 7:37 PM
 
 

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