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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
x Problem Solved. You never know who's lurking. 
Message edited 1/23/2006 11:00:21 PM.
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Posted 1/22/06 11:01 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
I know what you mean...no...they will not understand until they have kids of their own...
It's a whole different world to them...
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| Posted 1/22/06 11:02 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
I completely agree. They don't get it until they have their own. Which gives you hope that in a year or 2, they'll get a better picture of what having a newborn is like.
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| Posted 1/22/06 11:21 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
You know the HELL I'm going through with my friend for her wedding! So, NO, they don't get it... but when they have a little baby of their own and complain about the same thing, I'm just going to smirk
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| Posted 1/23/06 8:23 AM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
As somebody who was slighted by some already-married and PG friends when I was getting married, I can tell you that I understood where they were coming from, but when it was their turn to go to the altar, the world revolved around them and their upcoming event. Once it was my turn, it was again all bout them and their upcoming event. Every bride wants to feel special and have a big deal made. It was natural for me to feel and treat my friends that way when they were getting married, and then when it was my turn and nobody made a big deal or did anything special for me it was very hurtful. I barely speak to some friends now because all of this has made me see how self-centered they are.
I don't think you should have to make the trip to NY for your friend's shower, considering the expense and that you would have no help from DH, but you do need to still make your friend feel like this is an important time in her life and that you wish you could be there and that you wish her well. If there is anything special you could do for her from where you are, I think she would really like that.
I'm sure she understands how your life has changed, but you also have understand how she feels. Try to think back to when you were getting married and how you wanted to feel special and like people were making a big deal of you. I'm sure you didn't lose sight of reality and the ability to understand another person's position, but you were going through an important time, and just wanted to be made to feel that way. (That's how I felt, anyway).
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| Posted 1/23/06 8:36 AM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
I went threw the same thing....I just had Julia July of 05 and DH and I were invited to my girlfriends wedding in August, so of course it was to early to go to a wedding so we replied saying we cant go our baby will be to small and I'm BF. Well my other girlfriend called me up saying thats not right she went to your wedding, and all your other partys u had bla bla bla....I was like listen I just had a baby and I dont think its right I leave her right now shes way to small and I BF, I'm still trying to get use to my new life, well we ended up getting into this whole argument over it and not speaking for a few weeks.
No one understands till they go threw it themselves, its a shame!
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| Posted 1/23/06 9:32 AM |
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princess99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3944 total posts
Name:
ME
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
Posted by monkeybride
Ugggh. This probably isn't the right board but I guess it kind of is. I just need to vent!!
I am having bridal shower drama because I'm not flying back to NY for the shower. Ummm sorry can't afford it, DH can't get off work and I am not flying with my puking screaming baby for 4 hours. I am in the wedding and that is expense enough right now.
Do friends ever understand before they have kids of their own?
Am I wrong?
I am a lurker on this board, and I am TTC. I completely understand when someone says they cannot go becuase of the new baby etc. I think it takes someone mature enough to understand the situation. I would just send a nice gift and be done with it. It drives me nuts when poeple say " when you have a baby you will understand." They just do not want to understand. Sorry my honest opinion here. Please do not flame me.
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| Posted 1/23/06 10:22 AM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
Sorry you are having this issue. I would send a gift and a card and explain that you can't afford to fly into the shower and the wedding, as your paycheck has been cut-off or is much smaller since you are on maternity leave. It isn't even about the baby as much as the finances. I would hope she could understand that.
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| Posted 1/23/06 12:22 PM |
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twobabies
Praying
Member since 7/05 9662 total posts
Name:
Mrs. Honeybee
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
Posted by Stefanie
I know what you mean...no...they will not understand until they have kids of their own...
It's a whole different world to them...
i completly agree. they wont understand till they have kids of their own. but you cant really blame her. its a world she just doesnt know about yet.
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| Posted 1/23/06 12:29 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
Posted by pharmcat2000
As somebody who was slighted by some already-married and PG friends when I was getting married, I can tell you that I understood where they were coming from, but when it was their turn to go to the altar, the world revolved around them and their upcoming event. Once it was my turn, it was again all bout them and their upcoming event. Every bride wants to feel special and have a big deal made. It was natural for me to feel and treat my friends that way when they were getting married, and then when it was my turn and nobody made a big deal or did anything special for me it was very hurtful. I barely speak to some friends now because all of this has made me see how self-centered they are.
I don't think you should have to make the trip to NY for your friend's shower, considering the expense and that you would have no help from DH, but you do need to still make your friend feel like this is an important time in her life and that you wish you could be there and that you wish her well. If there is anything special you could do for her from where you are, I think she would really like that.
I'm sure she understands how your life has changed, but you also have understand how she feels. Try to think back to when you were getting married and how you wanted to feel special and like people were making a big deal of you. I'm sure you didn't lose sight of reality and the ability to understand another person's position, but you were going through an important time, and just wanted to be made to feel that way. (That's how I felt, anyway).
By no means have I done anything to not make her feel special. IMO I have offered here more help (although from afar) and shown more interest than she showed in my wedding.
If the roles were reversed I'm sorry but I would completely understand and would NEVER make a statement like that to a friend who recently had a baby.
Of course I will send a gift and a card and call her but to say you'll be ****** is so immature. Now this statement came from her sister so I am trying to get to the bottom of it before things get out of hand.
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| Posted 1/23/06 3:30 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
I am not a parent yet, but I will be in April. I have a similar situation- I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in California in Sept. The shower/bachelorette party is in Las Vegas in June. I will have a newborn and there is no way I am going. My friend, the bride, is totally understanding. My daughter is welcome at the wedding too.
When I was a bride I didn't expect anyone to make any cross country trips - or fly anywhere - for my shower. One of my bridesmaids couldn't make it in from Boston for my shower because she was job hunting and broke and not American so she doesn't understand that this stuff can be a big deal.
Every bride deserves to feel special and have her day- but all this wedding stuff is getting out of hand IMO. Now with the engagement party, the shower, bachelorette party and the wedding- its gettign to be too much (and very expensive). Your wedding is your day. You don't get 4 times a year for it to be YOUR DAY for your wedding.
You can make someone feel special and not go to every event. My friend couldn't even make her own sister's wedding because it was a destination wedding and didn't want to fly and pump- even though she planned to stop breastfeeding a month later. However, she still made her sister feel special about the wedding- even though she couldn't be there.
A true friend will understand.
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| Posted 1/23/06 3:39 PM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by pharmcat2000
As somebody who was slighted by some already-married and PG friends when I was getting married, I can tell you that I understood where they were coming from, but when it was their turn to go to the altar, the world revolved around them and their upcoming event. Once it was my turn, it was again all bout them and their upcoming event. Every bride wants to feel special and have a big deal made. It was natural for me to feel and treat my friends that way when they were getting married, and then when it was my turn and nobody made a big deal or did anything special for me it was very hurtful. I barely speak to some friends now because all of this has made me see how self-centered they are.
I don't think you should have to make the trip to NY for your friend's shower, considering the expense and that you would have no help from DH, but you do need to still make your friend feel like this is an important time in her life and that you wish you could be there and that you wish her well. If there is anything special you could do for her from where you are, I think she would really like that.
I'm sure she understands how your life has changed, but you also have understand how she feels. Try to think back to when you were getting married and how you wanted to feel special and like people were making a big deal of you. I'm sure you didn't lose sight of reality and the ability to understand another person's position, but you were going through an important time, and just wanted to be made to feel that way. (That's how I felt, anyway).
By no means have I done anything to not make her feel special. IMO I have offered here more help (although from afar) and shown more interest than she showed in my wedding.
If the roles were reversed I'm sorry but I would completely understand and would NEVER make a statement like that to a friend who recently had a baby.
Of course I will send a gift and a card and call her but to say you'll be ****** is so immature. Now this statement came from her sister so I am trying to get to the bottom of it before things get out of hand.
If that remark came from her sister, I would just disregard it. Your friend knows that you have an infant, and even though she doesn't have a baby yet, I'm sure she can understand how tough it is for you. Once you talk to her, I'm sure everything will be fine.
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| Posted 1/23/06 5:41 PM |
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anon
where's winter?
Member since 11/05 2209 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
Message edited 2/8/2007 11:06:48 AM.
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| Posted 1/23/06 9:59 PM |
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anon
where's winter?
Member since 11/05 2209 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
Message edited 2/8/2007 11:07:12 AM.
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| Posted 1/23/06 10:09 PM |
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preciouslove
I love my DS!!!
Member since 5/05 9340 total posts
Name:
Blank
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Re: Why are friends weddings so much drama!!
I can understand how as a bride you want the whole world catering to you, it is your once in a lifetime opportunity to be a celebrity...LOL But the day after your wedding you are back to being just plain old you again...LOL But I agree that they should be more understanding of someone who cannot attend cuz they have a newborn. Just like I expect it from people I would do the same. DH's cousin's baby shower is tomorrow, mine is in April and I know for a fact that she is not coming to mine cuz that's when she is due and will have a newborn. There is no way I would expect her to come.
My brother got married the same year I did, in fact it was 2 months after mine. They were both born and raised in the US but decided to get married in Rome, Italy. There was no way we could go after our just getting married too and with the expenses of everything. We couldn't afford a second trip after paying for our honeymoon and plus I used all my vacation time for the honeymoon. My brother and his wife totally understood and never gave us a hard time. I called them both on their wedding day and we gave them a gift before they left. When they came back home they had a small reception party which we attended.
I am due at the end of May and I already know that I'll be missing my godson's birthday party, DH's nephew's 1st birthday party and one of my niece's birthday party. I expect my friend and DH's family to understand since they all have kids themselves.
The way I see it is if they don't understand then they were not the true friends that you thought they were.
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| Posted 1/27/06 11:29 AM |
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