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Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

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sweetp
LIF Infant

Member since 7/06

304 total posts

Name:
ghfgfgh

Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Need help with an important issue. I was recently home (me and hubby live in Ann Arbor, MI--Home is in Mt. Pleasant where our families are) and my mom called me to come to her house and she means ASAP. So we go over and she tells my DH to go into her office. She then proceeds to tell me my brother is up there (he is addicted to drugs pretty bad). He told her he was at this party and got pretty messed up and he wants to clean up or he will die this way (he has pretty much hit rock bottom). She called us to come over to have DH talk to him, my hubby is the only one he will listen to (he really looks up to Mark, that's DH). Well he told hubby he wants to move down with us to get clean. I think it is a good idea, because we do not tolerate any drugs..Period. I could get him into church and get him straightened out, hubby is an excellent influence on him. He would get a job and go get help. I have three kids and I am scared, but I am more scared that we will get hurt in the end. I am in a pickle here and it is killing me to see my baby brother like this, but I do not want my kids to be exposed to their uncle getting clean, I do not know if it will be ugly, but as emotional as we are I know there will be lots of tears. My hubby said he could move down and I want it more than anything for my brother's sake, but like I said.....Now It is not a financial issue and we have space, I would allow him to stay as long as he likes (which would be a while). We are going to build a house with a basement so he could live there. Does anyone know if there is a thing like alcoholics anonymous for recovering drug addicts, where he could be safe from dealers?? I am letting him move in with me and my family so I don't need advice there, but if anybody can point me in the direction of programs like alanon that could be taken advantage of I would appreciate it. I know all your advice is good and Thank You!!!!

Message edited 8/13/2006 8:59:01 PM.

Posted 8/13/06 8:58 PM
 
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DRMom
Two in Blue

Member since 5/05

20223 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

There is Narcotics Anonymous
NA

I believe it is based on similar principles to AA. Good luck.Chat Icon

Posted 8/13/06 9:43 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

As much as I love my sibling, I couldn't do it at the expense of my children. It's more than just being exposed to him coming off of drugs. DH has a very good friend who got into drugs. The guy is getting kicked out of his apartment. When I said I'm sure he wouldn't hurt anyone, but I wouldn't want him in our house. DH said "Are you nuts? I've known him all of my life and I wouldn't let him here. Yes, *** wouldn't harm a fly, but if he decides to slip back into drugs he's not ***, he's a drug addict."

I would have him check into a rehab facility in Ann Arbor as an in-patient. Once he went through the program, then I'd probably let him live with me while he got his act together.

I'm sorry you're in a tough situation.Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/13/06 9:53 PM
 

MrsPornStar
Partners in crime

Member since 10/05

14656 total posts

Name:
Mama

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

It is wonderful that you want to help your brother. I agree with Barbara that the best help for him right now is an inpatient drug treatment program. The staff at these programs are trained to help your brother through both his physical and emotional withdrawl symptoms. Depending on the drugs he is doing, he could suffer some serious withdrawl symptoms.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your brother is lucky to have you and your DH in his life.Chat Icon

Posted 8/13/06 11:20 PM
 

Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥

Member since 5/06

28918 total posts

Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Posted by hmpena

It is wonderful that you want to help your brother. I agree with Barbara that the best help for him right now is an inpatient drug treatment program. The staff at these programs are trained to help your brother through both his physical and emotional withdrawl symptoms. Depending on the drugs he is doing, he could suffer some serious withdrawl symptoms.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your brother is lucky to have you and your DH in his life.Chat Icon



I agree with both these ladies. Unfortunately alcoholism/drug addiction run in both my and my XH's family.I strongly suggest an in patient treatment program with family participation/support/ before considering bringing him into your home with children. My oldest step son really had a horrible impact on my kids as he refused in patient treatment and it was so hard to deal with even though my X went thru re-hab and relapsed many times. You need to be educated about
how this affects your family as a whole not just your brother whose focus would have to be 100% on helping himself. Have you ever tried Al-Anon for yourself?It's a great place for those that are affected by someone elses addiction.Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon
It's a good sign if he asks for help when he is not under the influence. Good Luck to your whole familyChat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/14/06 12:26 AM
 

klingklang77
kraftwerk!

Member since 7/06

11487 total posts

Name:
Völlig losgelöst

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

an in patient program is probably best. depending on what kind of drug is his choice, withdrawals can be pretty bad. it will be something that NA wont be able to deal with, and he needs professional help. NA will be good for when he gets out of rehab.

Posted 8/14/06 12:29 AM
 

2003fallwedding
SISTERS!!!

Member since 5/05

4317 total posts

Name:
Tracy

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Have him go into a rehab first then move down to live with you. He should look into NA.

Posted 8/14/06 8:34 AM
 

sweetp
LIF Infant

Member since 7/06

304 total posts

Name:
ghfgfgh

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Thank you so much I will show this to DH and see what happens. I just want my brother to be healthy again, I guess i am just hoping for the best no matter what he does. I am checking out the NA program and see what direction to point me in. Again, Thanks and I will try to post an update one of these times.

Posted 8/14/06 11:42 AM
 

lulugrrl
My 3 Blessings

Member since 3/06

6551 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I just wanted to wish you luck. I have watched my ex BIL come of drugs several times throughout his life. It is UGLY and SCAREY. He is a heroine addict. Just be careful, and give him lots of love........Chat Icon

Posted 8/14/06 3:05 PM
 

sweetp
LIF Infant

Member since 7/06

304 total posts

Name:
ghfgfgh

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

He is coming down to my house this week and has agreed to go to both counseling and NA. I have more peace now knowing that he is willing to do more to help himself. I know we will be spending alot of time on tears, and me praying nonstop that he turns his life over for the better. I have some books I am getting from the library about recovering drug addicts. He is addicted to cocaine, I am ready for anything. Hubby and I have told him he slips up once he's out. So he is coming here knowing the ground rules and there will be no surprises I am sure. Once again ladies Thank You.

Posted 8/14/06 3:23 PM
 

Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!

Member since 6/06

14437 total posts

Name:
C

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I would give him a chance I think, but only 1 being you have small children. Allowing him to stay in a basement apt. is a good idea but I would keep your eyes wide open. Many drug addicts dont kick the habit right away for good, it is a constant struggle and you dont want your kids around it or seeing it, that's for sure.

Posted 8/14/06 4:11 PM
 

Sneezy
Thankful for my miracle!

Member since 5/05

1939 total posts

Name:
Jen

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I can't add to the advice already given, but I wanted to wish you and your family (especially your brother) good luck.

You are doing the right thing, though it won't be easy. You are a terrific sister and daughter. DH sounds like a gem.

God bless!Chat Icon

Posted 8/14/06 8:35 PM
 

wowcoulditbe
wow, pic is already 1 yr old!!

Member since 1/06

6689 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Posted by atracinact

Posted by hmpena

It is wonderful that you want to help your brother. I agree with Barbara that the best help for him right now is an inpatient drug treatment program. The staff at these programs are trained to help your brother through both his physical and emotional withdrawl symptoms. Depending on the drugs he is doing, he could suffer some serious withdrawl symptoms.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your brother is lucky to have you and your DH in his life.Chat Icon



I agree with both these ladies. Unfortunately alcoholism/drug addiction run in both my and my XH's family.I strongly suggest an in patient treatment program with family participation/support/ before considering bringing him into your home with children. My oldest step son really had a horrible impact on my kids as he refused in patient treatment and it was so hard to deal with even though my X went thru re-hab and relapsed many times. You need to be educated about
how this affects your family as a whole not just your brother whose focus would have to be 100% on helping himself. Have you ever tried Al-Anon for yourself?It's a great place for those that are affected by someone elses addiction.Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon
It's a good sign if he asks for help when he is not under the influence. Good Luck to your whole familyChat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon



unfortunately I agree, drugs make people do crazy things they will not do when they are not on them...dh's cousin lived with him for a while when she was on drugs and wound up stealing from them, tearing checks out of their checkbooks (from the back so they didn't notice at first until the bank notified them), etc. - it was horrible. She is doing better now and has been in and out of programs for years but it is so hard - since you have 3 kids its a different dynamic. One of our fears with dh's cousin was not her all the time, but her friends too...you don't want your brother to accidentally befriend the wrong person either who thinks you have "great" or nice stuff and endanger your family. its a tough decision but ultimately you will do what it best for you and works for you. good luck! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/15/06 1:02 PM
 

heidla
Me and the guys

Member since 5/05

4024 total posts

Name:
Heidi

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

I think that before you invite him into your home he needs to go to rehab. After he successfully completes a program then you can help him, but I would wait until after that.

Posted 8/16/06 4:33 PM
 

sweetp
LIF Infant

Member since 7/06

304 total posts

Name:
ghfgfgh

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Okay so here is an update. My brother came down Tuesday, spur of the moment I know but, it was either my house or the drug dealers house. He is doing good, and our lines of communication seem to be pretty honest. I trust me brother and love him as well. I will keep yoou updated. BTW...I am proud that he has made this choice. I will do whatever it takes to help

Posted 8/17/06 2:04 PM
 

janet
WITH LOVE MY ANGEL MISS YOU!!!

Member since 5/05

12823 total posts

Name:
janet

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

if you still need any advice please fm me.. i have been thereChat Icon

Posted 8/17/06 4:24 PM
 

ARIELSMOM
Love my Babes

Member since 8/05

5889 total posts

Name:
MEREDITH

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

There are many outpaitent programs. A local church should be able to help too.
Many prayers for the road ahead. Its a very hard thing to overcome.Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 8/18/06 3:21 PM
 

Jagster2000
LIF Adult

Member since 8/06

934 total posts

Name:
Me & My Sis back in the day!~~Jennifer

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

It is wondeful what you are doing. I know when it comes to family there is no second thinkng things- we will always be there for them. Your brother's first step to recovery is saying he wants help.
I have had people close to me go through the same thing and move away from their environment to relatives homes and they have THRIVED!
The withdrawl stage is ROUGH! Being in an inpatient program definetly would be a plus. My Aunt & Uncle went through the withdrawl stage w/ my Uncle and my aunt said if she would of really relaized how bad it was they would of checked him in.
But everyone is different - you and you DH are wondeful people and your support and positive influence and reinforcment will help him overcome this.
NA is a huge part of this. I know someone who goes to meetings 6 days a week and has become a speaker to schools. They were beyond rockbottom ( if there is a place) and now he is influencing other people and sharing his stories. So it proves having the right people around you and being away from the "tempation" in their own environment- they will do well!
Good Luck and please share an update every once and awhile if you can.

Posted 8/21/06 6:14 PM
 

wowcoulditbe
wow, pic is already 1 yr old!!

Member since 1/06

6689 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

so glad to hear its working out! you are a great sister!

Posted 8/21/06 7:17 PM
 

happydays
LIF Adolescent

Member since 8/06

513 total posts

Name:
working my way to 1000 posts!

Re: Okay ladies... need help...LOOONG...

Good luck with all of this! You are a very good sister to support and be there for your brother. Remember to take care of yourself in the process. I have had a similiar situation but not as deep as yours so I feel emphathic to you. Good luck!!

Posted 8/22/06 8:48 AM
 
 

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