How do you explain death to a child?

My (almost) 5 year old son has been asking alot about what happens when you die? When do you die? How do you get to heaven? How do you not fall through the clouds? Why are you buried in a cemetery?
It's a constant topic these days, not too sure why, but I'm so confused on how to answer these questions for him without making him scared of death and dying... He even asked me if Daddy was going to die first because he was older It broke my heart!
How did you or how will you explain this to your kids?
ETA - we are not religious so that makes the explanations a little trickier...

Message edited 2/6/2006 6:09:43 PM.

Re: How do you explain death to a child?

I'm not that religious either. One night when Joseph was going to sleep, he asked me why Daddy buried Edna (pet ferret) in the ground & started sobbing uncontrollably. The next day I went out & bought All Dogs Go To Heaven. While I'm not religous, I'll use whatever I can take to get me through pre-school.

I'll try to track down so sites that I found after he asked me & will post them.


Books That Help Kids Cope
I'll Always Love You, by Hans Wilhelm. A boy and his pet dachshund grow up together, but one morning the dog doesn't wake up. This tender book will touch any family who's ever had to say goodbye to an old dog.

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst. After a little boy's cat dies, the family plans a funeral, and the boy is asked to recall ten good things about his pet.

When a Pet Dies, by Fred Rogers. This direct but sensitive book includes color photos of kids and encourages children to share their feelings of loss.


Explaining Death to a 2 Year Old
Explaining Death to a Pre-Schooler
Explaining Death to a Kindergartner

Message edited 2/6/2006 10:05:13 PM.

Re: How do you explain death to a child?

I've been trying to figure that out for a year now. Patrick is always talking about how Grandma, Poppy & Grandad are all in heaven & that they died. But, he doesn't get it. He has a puzzle that's a map of the US & he asked me where heaven is. I am no help because when he asks about my parents I usually end up attempting not to cry. I honestly would love to ask Dr. Phil or a parenting magazine about it.

Jamie Lee Curtis wrote a book Where Do Balloons Go? An Uplifting Mystery It's here way of going about explaining death.

Here is a review from Amazon.com
I received this book as a gift four months ago after the birth of my son. My friend thought it would be perfect for both my son and for me. My dad died three months before my son was born, so this book has an underlying meaning for myself as well. One of the lines: Then does it get quiet? Do the stars give a shove? And send it on high to that place up above? Does it float there forever remembering me? And know that I'm happy that it's floating free? The book reminds me of my dad. But it is also a nicely illustrated book for little children. My baby loves listening to me read this book.

Re: How do you explain death to a child?

I read to my 2nd graders a book called "When Dinosaurs Die" (after we experienced a death of a parent). It's by the same person who does the Arthur books. The dinosaurs are people-like and it tells you how to deal with different situations. I thought it was very helpful.

Re: How do you explain death to a child?

W told our kids when people/ animals get VERY sick or old, their bodies get old or worn too and it turns off. We are very religious so we explained how their spirit goes to heavena dn thy become an angel and they waych over us everyday, but they return to their world above the clouds which is beautiful with flowers and green grass, and flowing rivers and all our loved ones are 2-gether up there, so when our crabs die, my daughter finds great solace knowing they are all together in heaven!
I go to a cemetary weekly with my kids where my uncle- who was more like my brother, is buried and I explain that this is just a place we go to remember him. they like going and we hold hands and talk to him and tell him whats been new, the kids really feel he hears us and they like thinking they have their own special angel. I'm usually a mess each time, but the kids tell me oneday I will be with him again ( hopefully not too soon!
).
Good luck, this is a touh part of parenting.

Re: How do you explain death to a child?

My Uncle who I visited alot w/ Patrick died & I told him that his body was just to tired to fight the illness & I got a zillion whys. It's so heart breaking.
But, I like the whole angel theory. Forgot about that one. (great cathloic that I am! LOL)

My Fathers anniversary is coming up so I'll be sure to remember to tell him that.

Re: How do you explain death to a child?

Thanks for the links Barbara. Very helpful

Re: How do you explain death to a child?

my mom passed away when I was a child, she bought me a book called the fall of freddie the leaf.....it basically explains how the leaf turns colors and falls off the tree, we used to read it together and it helped me i guess as much as anything could.