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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Non-parents, they just don't understand- updated
So my best friend is having an "adults only" dinner party for her DH this Sat. night.
As per my previous post, I have never left DD with a babysitter who isn't my mom or sister. I am just not ready. I have no other relatives nearby and neither does DH. My mom is in Florida this week and my sister has a steady Sat. night babysitter for her daughter. We can't share the babysitter for the night b/c my sister lives in a studio and her daughter goes to sleep much earlier than mine and needs quiet.
When my friend invited me 2 weeks ago, I told her I couldn't go because I don't have a sitter. So now it is this Sat. and she is puttnig so much pressure on me. I get an e-mail "where there is a will, there is a way".  This is a girl whose sister didn't go to her own wedding because she didn't want to wean her daughter 2 weeks earlier than her 1st birthday.
Trust me, I would love nothing more than to go out on a sat. night with my friend and socialize.
SO AS I WRITE THIS, I get an e-mail from her telling me that I am just not making efforts and that I can't bring my newborn baby everywhere and that is whyshe doesn't have a set bedtime like her neice or our other friend's baby   How out of line is that!!!!! I just sent her an e-mail back sayign she is so out of line and that I have no desire to go anymore.
eta: Thsi was my final line in the e-mail "I am not discussing this anymore. I have NO DESIRE TO GO ANYMORE!!! You are not a parent. You just don’t understand."
UPDATE*****
So we spoke on the phone. She wrote her e-mail hastily and didn't mean it to come out the way it did. What she didn't understand is that I am not emotionally ready to leave Jordana yet. I asked her about babysitters before and she thought the issue was just that I didn't have anyone- not that I wasn't ready to leave her. She thinks if I can leave her with my mom, why can't I leave her with someone else. She still doesn't get it why I can leave her during the week for work and not at night.
We didn't get to finish the conversation because she had to go back to work.
Message edited 9/27/2006 2:07:43 PM.
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Posted 9/27/06 10:49 AM  |
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preciouslove
I love my DS!!!
Member since 5/05 9340 total posts
Name:
Blank
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
They really don't understand...
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| Posted 9/27/06 10:51 AM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
Good for you for telling her that...some people are clueless.
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| Posted 9/27/06 10:52 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
You really don't need to explain yourself to her. She will "get it" when she has kids one day...
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| Posted 9/27/06 10:56 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
Posted by BlessedBMommi
You really don't need to explain yourself to her. She will "get it" when she has kids one day...
and when she does you can just sit back and laugh your azz off!
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| Posted 9/27/06 11:03 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
Wow... she has a lot of balls to say that to you. How dare she presume what you can and cannot do with your child, and what you should feel comfortable doing. People just don't understand, especially when you don't have a lot of family to help out - I run into this battle alllllllllllllll the time.
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| Posted 9/27/06 11:06 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
It really is quite ridiculous that she can't understand you don't have a babysitter.
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| Posted 9/27/06 11:08 AM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
You are soooooooooo in the right about this and I would be very upset at my friend if she said this. She is obviously clueless.
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| Posted 9/27/06 11:11 AM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
I'm sorry she said that to you. Just wait until she has kids.
And in my experience, some parents can be just as insensitve to child care issues, especially if they have a lot of family around to help out.
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| Posted 9/27/06 11:13 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
I agree. I had something similar with one of my best friends. So&so does nothing but talk about her baby, how her receptionist was such a wimp during her pregnancy. I reminded her of it all when she was closing the blinds in her office to take a nap during her first trimester.
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| Posted 9/27/06 11:20 AM |
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anon
where's winter?
Member since 11/05 2209 total posts
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
Message edited 2/8/2007 7:51:41 PM.
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| Posted 9/27/06 11:25 AM |
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
Some people really dont get it and think that babies just eat sleep and poop. I think your better off with out her. You dont need that aggravation.
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| Posted 9/27/06 12:31 PM |
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MABLE03
I <3 SATC
Member since 6/06 4563 total posts
Name:
Fabulous
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
When DS was born we became a package deal. It was all of us or none of us. If my MIL can watch him it is one thing but if she can't watch him then we either take him along or dont go. End of story.
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| Posted 9/27/06 12:36 PM |
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dld4e
I ♥ my boys!
Member since 5/05 4461 total posts
Name:
DJ
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
You can say that again! Non-parents don't understand!! I have gone through this MANY MANY times and I have lost friends because of it. Now, it seems that the only people DH and I can socialize are with other parents. We do go out occassionally with single friends but it's hard to keep a constant friendship since we don't have that much in common. My children are my life.
It's so good that you told her how you felt.
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| Posted 9/27/06 12:48 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
I am not a parent, but I lurk here because I am thinking about becoming one.
Shelly, as someone else said, I think this may be about her not having kids, but it is more that she is inconsiderate. If I were going to have an adults only party and a friend said she couldn't make it b/c she had no sitter, I would let her know I will miss her, but that I understand. If it were just the one child, I would probably just tell her to bring the baby.
I can't imagine telling my friends how to parent when it is not something I have ever had to deal with. You have to do what you feel comfortable with and if she is a true friend, she should understand that.
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| Posted 9/27/06 12:54 PM |
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AimeeE2006
Time flies!
Member since 1/06 5698 total posts
Name:
Aimee
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Re: Non-parents, they just don't understand
I do not have kids...but wanted to add this. Yesterday DH & I were trying to get in touch with a friend of ours, who has a toddler, and he says "everytime we talk to her, it's Joshua this, Joshua that..." I told him, he doesn't understand because he's not a parent yet.
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| Posted 9/27/06 1:07 PM |
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