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LIMOMx2
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Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
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Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
My DH works for his father's business as an engineer (makes not enough for an engineer) and he only gets a very small raise every year and that has nothing to do with performance. DH was offered a job from another company that wants him for $30,000 more a year but of course DH didn't take it.
Well, now with the baby things are very tight and I have to now get a 2nd job. I don't know how I am going to do it all.
I am so mad at my FIL. He makes sooo much money and my MIL even gets a check even though she does nothing but they can't give DH a raise knowing that I have to go get another job. DH is scared of his Dad so he won't say anything but DH does sooo much work and he deserves a raise.
It is making be so upset and depressed. I really want to say something to my FIL. He just so oblivious  Sometimes I can't even be around my FIL he makes me so mad!!!!!!!
Should I say something to him?
Oh and when I told my MIL I had to get a 2nd job she was giving me suggestions on where to go
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Posted 10/11/06 8:34 AM  |
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stayandjohn
Our life is complete
Member since 5/05 5909 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
That is so f-in messed up!!!!! Thats the thing about working for family, they tend to "use" you.
I would so say something to FIL, immediatley. $30,000 is a h e l l of a lot of money. Your getting a second job is just not right, when would you get to see your child? If you do say something will DH back you up or will he ceede to his father and continue with the crap he puts up with?
 to you
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| Posted 10/11/06 8:40 AM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
WOW that stinks! I think DH should say something to FIL - I dont think you should, not yet anyway. But $30k is a LOT of money and he should left FIL know that you guys really need the money and he is thinking about taking the job.
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| Posted 10/11/06 8:41 AM |
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LIMOMx2
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Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Posted by MrsJ
WOW that stinks! I think DH should say something to FIL - I dont think you should, not yet anyway. But $30k is a LOT of money and he should left FIL know that you guys really need the money and he is thinking about taking the job.
DH won't say anything to him. My FIL never listens to him and def takes advantage of him. I think if I say something to him he will listen to what I have to say. I never say anything to anyone but I think once I do they will take it seriously.
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| Posted 10/11/06 8:53 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
I think you're angry with the wrong person. Maybe FIL is out of touch with the marketplace if he hasn't had to hire an engineer.
FIL is an employer.
Has DH ever asked for a raise?
Did he tell him that he had the $30K opportunity?
Is there an assumption is that DH will eventually take over the business?
If it were me, I would sit down with my DH & discuss our finances. He's the one with whom you should be annoyed. He needs to sit down with his employer & discuss job opportunities - even if that discussion is over the course of X years, part of his compensation is 5% ownership in the company each year.
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| Posted 10/11/06 9:03 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Also - why are you the one taking the second job? If DH takes on a second job, it may help his confidence & see that he is valuable aside from what his father says.
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| Posted 10/11/06 9:04 AM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Posted by 5ofClubs
Posted by MrsJ
WOW that stinks! I think DH should say something to FIL - I dont think you should, not yet anyway. But $30k is a LOT of money and he should left FIL know that you guys really need the money and he is thinking about taking the job.
DH won't say anything to him. My FIL never listens to him and def takes advantage of him. I think if I say something to him he will listen to what I have to say. I never say anything to anyone but I think once I do they will take it seriously.
Can he write him a letter and leave it for him to read? That way he can say everything he wants to say and his Dad can read it, get mad, calm down and then they can talk?
Listen, if DH really wont talk to him at all, then yes, I think you shoudl talk to them - maybe start with MIL and let her know the situation.
Either way, act fast because that job offer may not be around very long. Good luck!
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| Posted 10/11/06 9:12 AM |
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anon
where's winter?
Member since 11/05 2209 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Message edited 2/9/2007 4:01:07 PM.
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| Posted 10/11/06 10:00 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
My DH works for my father. So, I can TOTALLY feel where you are coming from. He is soooo underpaid, under appreciated and it is just very stressful to have family working together. My dad does not make tons of money himself, but I think he can stand to give DH a small raise. Or at least show some appreciation once in a while.
Sorry I have no advice and ended up venting on YOUR vent thread. But, I know how you feel
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| Posted 10/11/06 10:03 AM |
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FranM
And so it goes....
Member since 9/05 2217 total posts
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Many years ago I worked for my Uncle. He taught me a very valuable lesson - If You don't Ask You don't Get. He did not give me a raise until I specifically asked him for one and explained why I deserved one.
No offense meant here but maybe your FIL & MIL want to see if their son has what it takes stand up for himself and his family and ask for what he deserves.
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| Posted 10/11/06 10:10 AM |
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CunningOne
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Member since 5/05 26975 total posts
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think you're angry with the wrong person. Maybe FIL is out of touch with the marketplace if he hasn't had to hire an engineer.
FIL is an employer.
Has DH ever asked for a raise?
Did he tell him that he had the $30K opportunity?
Is there an assumption is that DH will eventually take over the business?
If it were me, I would sit down with my DH & discuss our finances. He's the one with whom you should be annoyed. He needs to sit down with his employer & discuss job opportunities - even if that discussion is over the course of X years, part of his compensation is 5% ownership in the company each year.
I agree. My DH works for his father and is going to take over the business one day soon *fingers crossed*
What I think is really good is that DH treats his dad as his BOSS, not his father. They have meetings and discuss issues like money, commission, work hours, etc. It sounds like your DH doesn't want to leave the business or he would have taken the higher paying job. I know at times my DH wants to work for someone else. HE needs to talk to his dad as his boss and really clear this all up.
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| Posted 10/11/06 10:12 AM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
While I think it's messed up I think it's your DH's place not yours to say something to his dad. He needs to learn to stand up for himself or quit.
Why isn't DH getting the second job so you can be with Andrew more? If DH got the second job maybe that would be a wake up call to FIL.
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| Posted 10/11/06 10:18 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
No! It is not your place to say something to your FIl.
However, it is your DH's place to say something- as both his employee and his son.
He should let him know that he had this offer and turned it down for family loyalty. Now it looks like you may have to get a second job and some more $ would help out.
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| Posted 10/11/06 10:35 AM |
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IrishTracy
Believe!!
Member since 5/05 15167 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Do NOT say anything to your FIL. It is your husbands job not yours. Your husband has to own up to him. Personally I would have killed him for not taking the job. I think he should tell his father everything. What is he scared of? If the father says no then he has to tell him that he has to start looking elsewhere. He has a family to support.
Hell, make him get the second job.
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| Posted 10/11/06 12:42 PM |
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MABLE03
I <3 SATC
Member since 6/06 4563 total posts
Name:
Fabulous
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think you're angry with the wrong person. Maybe FIL is out of touch with the marketplace if he hasn't had to hire an engineer.
FIL is an employer.
Has DH ever asked for a raise?
Did he tell him that he had the $30K opportunity?
Is there an assumption is that DH will eventually take over the business?
If it were me, I would sit down with my DH & discuss our finances. He's the one with whom you should be annoyed. He needs to sit down with his employer & discuss job opportunities - even if that discussion is over the course of X years, part of his compensation is 5% ownership in the company each year.
I agree with Barbara. For now instead of worrying about finding a second job to help out with money why don't you
lower your cell phone plans, cable bill, even try selling things on ebay. Old clothes, books, whatever you can find around the house that you don't want anymore.
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| Posted 10/11/06 12:53 PM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Posted by stayandjohn
That is so f-in messed up!!!!! Thats the thing about working for family, they tend to "use" you.
I would so say something to FIL, immediatley. $30,000 is a h e l l of a lot of money. Your getting a second job is just not right, when would you get to see your child? If you do say something will DH back you up or will he ceede to his father and continue with the crap he puts up with?
to you
I have to go with Stacy on this one...I worked a 2nd job for six years...it took a very huge emotional and physical toll on me, nevermind the lost moments I can never regain with my child. I can barely recall Amber being an infant. Tell your husband that HE should be the one to get the 2nd job since he can't stand up to Mom and Dad He should be putting YOUR family 1st; not walking away from an extra $30,000 a year to save face with Mom and Dad. That's alot of benjamins that could be put towards your son's future! And if MIL dares to make a comment like that again (as my MIL did to me recently), tell her to mind her own business or to pony up some more bucks for her son!
Sorry I'm sort of ticked but your situation is totally hitting home for me
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| Posted 10/11/06 1:05 PM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
I agree that it is not your place at all to say something to FIL. Your DH needs to step up and speak to him as an employer, not his father. Tell DH to do some research, print out articles about what the average salary of engineers are in the area..show his father that he needs to be paid and have benefits that are in lne with the current trends.
DH should also tell FIL that he has an opportunity for another position that will give him a 30K raise which means the difference between you gettting a second job or not.
This is something DH needs to tackle.
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| Posted 10/11/06 1:06 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you think I should say something to my FIL...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think you're angry with the wrong person. Maybe FIL is out of touch with the marketplace if he hasn't had to hire an engineer.
FIL is an employer.
Has DH ever asked for a raise?
Did he tell him that he had the $30K opportunity?
Is there an assumption is that DH will eventually take over the business?
If it were me, I would sit down with my DH & discuss our finances. He's the one with whom you should be annoyed. He needs to sit down with his employer & discuss job opportunities - even if that discussion is over the course of X years, part of his compensation is 5% ownership in the company each year.
I agree with Barbara. Is it possible that there is some type of non-salary reason that Dh isn't asking for more money? Such as retirement package, owership in the company, etc?
I wouldn't speak to FIL but DH about this. Having you take on a second job may not be the best answer and if there are no special conditions that are keeping DH at this job, he should look into a job with a better salary and perhaps, a better career path.
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| Posted 10/11/06 1:11 PM |
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