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What would you do? (friend situation)
I have this friend I met on a website (not this one or LIW!). We were friends for a long time while on the forum, we kept in touch for a few years, she even came to my wedding and my shower. We got together few times with our SOs, she lives in another state but really close to me (within a half hour or so)
So she asks me if I am free for the 28th....I told her I was busy that day, but the truth is I just dont want to see her, and there are 2 reasons:
She and her FH are BIG eaters and I mean BIG....they eat a lot. DH and I are like that too at times but right now I am trying to diet and staying away from situations like this is what I need to do right now or I will never lose weight. I just cant go to a restaurant and eat healthy if they are having 2 giant appetizers dripping with cheese, a dinner and a dessert and then snacks later at the house!
#2 - I just dont have that much in common with her. I like her and everything but besides going to concerts with her its not the greatest friendship you know what I mean?
So since she thinks I am busy on the 28th - she asked about the 4th of Feb or the 11th, etc. So I cant avoid her forever. I dont want to be mean but in turn I am being a little mean by ignoring her....
Any advice? What would you do????
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Posted 1/20/06 1:36 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Could you invite her to your house? Do hors d'ouvres so you control what you are serving. You should let her know that you and DH are dieting so you will be serving healthy food. You can still serve shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers, veggies with low fat dip, spinch dip, hot apps, etc. Since you aren't going out, you get to control the portions!
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| Posted 1/20/06 1:39 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
I would send an her an e-mail if you don't want to be too personal with her and really tell her that You have a lot going on in your life right now and that you don't think your friendship is eveloving. I would just try to be as polite & honest as possible.
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| Posted 1/20/06 1:40 PM |
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
I should also mention that its my turn to go to her place.....she has been to mine the last few times and travelled to LI for my wedding and shower.....
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| Posted 1/20/06 1:41 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by missus-hbradio
I should also mention that its my turn to go to her place.....she has been to mine the last few times and travelled to LI for my wedding and shower.....
That's a good one. But if the reality is that you don't see the friendship growing then you shouldn't have to make excuses. 
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| Posted 1/20/06 1:49 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by LadyLainez
I would send an her an e-mail if you don't want to be too personal with her and really tell her that You have a lot going on in your life right now and that you don't think your friendship is eveloving. I would just try to be as polite & honest as possible.
I have to ask- have you ever said that to anyone? How did they react?
Heather, I like Sonias response, but I think I would leave out the part about the friendship not evolving.
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| Posted 1/20/06 1:53 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by missus-hbradio
Any advice? What would you do????
I would go. I would bring something for the table that I can eat so I am not so tempted by the other stuff. And tell them that you are really watching and trying to be really good. Believe me, I know it's hard to sit there and watch people eat really yummy stuff but if I can do it, anyone can. LOL
As for the not having much in common thing, I don't think I would necessarily write that type of friendship off unless I didn't like the person either. I may not see them frequently, but I can't imagine telling someone that I don't want to be friends anymore.
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:15 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by baghag
Posted by LadyLainez
I would send an her an e-mail if you don't want to be too personal with her and really tell her that You have a lot going on in your life right now and that you don't think your friendship is eveloving. I would just try to be as polite & honest as possible.
I have to ask- have you ever said that to anyone? How did they react?
Heather, I like Sonias response, but I think I would leave out the part about the friendship not evolving.
I have been in the situation actually. I did have to say to someoen I don't want to part of this because I don't feel I am there for you like you wish me to be. We really aren't as close as maybe you would like me to be and I'm sorry but I can't be a fake. She never spoke to me again. And that's fine, that is what I wanted.
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:17 PM |
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jcbrownie
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/05 879 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
I think you are doing a disservice to her if you don't tell her the truth. You can continue to avoid her until she gets the hint and stops asking or you can be upfront with her. If the roles were reversed, how would you want to be treated?
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:17 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by jcbrownie
I think you are doing a disservice to her if you don't tell her the truth. You can continue to avoid her until she gets the hint and stops asking or you can be upfront with her. If the roles were reversed, how would you want to be treated?
I agree 100% I wouldn't want to be friends w/ someone who doesn't feel the same way.
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:21 PM |
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by jcbrownie
I think you are doing a disservice to her if you don't tell her the truth. You can continue to avoid her until she gets the hint and stops asking or you can be upfront with her. If the roles were reversed, how would you want to be treated?
I wouldnt necessarily want to know how the person feels....if someone ignores me I can take the hint. I ignore her but she doesnt get it! I really dont want to be mean but I am......
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:24 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Do you want to be friends with her at all?
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:36 PM |
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twobabies
Praying
Member since 7/05 9662 total posts
Name:
Mrs. Honeybee
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
i would go, i would bring a nice sugar free dessert. and stay for a little while for coffee. explain to her you are on a diet and stuff. you wont have to stay long.
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:37 PM |
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by Redhead
Do you want to be friends with her at all?
honestly, no. Not in person ones at least. I am cool with emailing every now and then. I dont know what it is about her....its just not a good friendship. We never clicked with anything besides music related stuff.
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:43 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Well it may be cowardly but i would just continue to avoid....And she will have to get the hint eventually.
Yea maybe she deserves the truth but if it were me....I wouldn't want someone to tell me that.
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:45 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
I have been in this situation and I would avoid her until she got the hint. I think if the roles were reversed, I honestly would want someone else to do that and I would eventually get the hint. I just don't think I would want to hear straight out, "I just don't like you enough to be your friend..." no matter how nicely or tactfully it is put.
And I can totally appreciate the food thing.....with some people, no matter how much you tell them you are watching what you eat, they don't get it and don't support you- I have been there too, and sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is simply not put yourself in that situation. 
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| Posted 1/20/06 2:48 PM |
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jennandrob
mom of two!
Member since 5/05 4368 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
I would avoid her like the plague, but I'm non-confrontational like that.
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| Posted 1/20/06 4:34 PM |
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Thanks so much everyone!
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| Posted 1/20/06 4:47 PM |
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NewYawkah
2012--A year of new beginnings
Member since 5/05 4402 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by Redhead
Well it may be cowardly but i would just continue to avoid....And she will have to get the hint eventually.
Yea maybe she deserves the truth but if it were me....I wouldn't want someone to tell me that.
I agree.. I would be really devastated if someone told me that!!!
Better to just feel like you drifted apart, then that you're not good enough to be a friend!
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| Posted 1/20/06 5:01 PM |
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Bri
I Love You to Pieces!
Member since 5/05 9919 total posts
Name:
Brianne
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by NewYawkah
Posted by Redhead
Well it may be cowardly but i would just continue to avoid....And she will have to get the hint eventually.
Yea maybe she deserves the truth but if it were me....I wouldn't want someone to tell me that.
I agree.. I would be really devastated if someone told me that!!!
Better to just feel like you drifted apart, then that you're not good enough to be a friend!
I agree- I think there are some things you just shouldn't be straight forward about. Telling someone flat out that you don't want to be their friend anymore is quite hurtful IMO.
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| Posted 1/20/06 6:18 PM |
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MrsBee
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 70 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Interesting topic, as a similar thing happened to me!
I agree, I think it's very hurtful (and downright conceited) to tell someone you don't want to be their friend.
Whoever said it would be best to make it seem as if you drifted apart had the best solution, IMO. In a few months, and a few months after that, she won't call/write. Most people will stop making an effort if there's no effort being made towards them.
If you really don't want to be friends with her, I wouldn't so much as e-mail here and there either.
Best of luck!
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| Posted 1/20/06 7:46 PM |
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juju
Welcome to the World!
Member since 5/05 6747 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do? (friend situation)
Posted by dpli
I have been in this situation and I would avoid her until she got the hint. I think if the roles were reversed, I honestly would want someone else to do that and I would eventually get the hint. I just don't think I would want to hear straight out, "I just don't like you enough to be your friend..." no matter how nicely or tactfully it is put.
I too was in a similar situation. I avoided her and she got the hint. It sounds mean but it was certainly the best way to handle the situation. Who wants to hear that you are unworthy for my friendship? That would be a blow to anyone's self-esteem.
The funny thing is that I have a friend (i think) who is avoiding me. LOL Funny how life goes full circle. LOL
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| Posted 1/21/06 11:22 AM |
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