Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

I would be even more "watchfull" than before. If there is something to sneak about they will do it more discretly than ever. I dont trust anyone so the first thing i would do is check the cell phone bills. If he wants to keep talking to her, he will do it a lot smarter than before. and i dont like her friendly attitude- I wouldnt trust her!

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

I thought about responding, but wanted to throw my sincere .02 into the ring. I think your relationship with DH is at major risk here. I don't like at all how this girl is telling YOU about YOUR DH. You know him best, he is yours- not hers to vouch for. We don't even know her and she is telling you "he is a good guy". Who the he&& is she? She is relishing this role and loves this attention and this soap opera fiasco and you are a FAR better person than me. I would be infuriated with all this to the point that I would have made certain this was never done again. My DH would NOT be at the gym... and she would not be emailing. She is not worth communicating with. Your DH should be kissing your a$$ right now for not throwing his butt out (which I would do to show I was not going to stand for this) and you should be at a romantic dinner talking all this out. Marriage is sacred and this girl needs to go back to the hole from which she came! This is crazy! Is there a "foot down" icon?

eta: You need to start directing traffic around here... if you get my drift. Don't be the victim-- he gets the control that way. Let him know- he talks to her, he loses his comforts from you he has come to know and love. There will be consequences to his actions. This is what marriage is- a partnership- a give and take. You are 50% of this relationship, so you have a 50% say. Good luck!

Message edited 4/3/2006 10:16:39 PM.

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Posted by ExpectingJoy

I thought about responding, but wanted to throw my .02 into the ring. I think your relationship with DH is at major risk here. I don't like at all how this girl is telling YOU about YOUR DH. You know him best, he is yours- not heres to vouch for. We don't even know her and she is telling you "he is a good guy". Who is she? She is relishing this role and loves this attention and this soap opera fiasco and you are a FAR better person than me. I would be infuriated with all this to the point that I would have made certain this was never done again. My DH would NOT be at the gym... and She would not be emailing. Your DH should be kissing your a$$ right now for not throwing his butt out and you should be at a romantic dinner talking all this out. This is crazy! Is there a "foot down" icon?

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Posted by ExpectingJoy

I thought about responding, but wanted to throw my .02 into the ring. I think your relationship with DH is at major risk here. I don't like at all how this girl is telling YOU about YOUR DH. You know him best, he is yours- not heres to vouch for. We don't even know her and she is telling you "he is a good guy". Who is she? She is relishing this role and loves this attention and this soap opera fiasco and you are a FAR better person than me. I would be infuriated with all this to the point that I would have made certain this was never done again. My DH would NOT be at the gym... and She would not be emailing. Your DH should be kissing your a$$ right now for not throwing his butt out and you should be at a romantic dinner talking all this out. This is crazy! Is there a "foot down" icon?

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Posted by DMcK

Posted by ExpectingJoy

I thought about responding, but wanted to throw my .02 into the ring. I think your relationship with DH is at major risk here. I don't like at all how this girl is telling YOU about YOUR DH. You know him best, he is yours- not heres to vouch for. We don't even know her and she is telling you "he is a good guy". Who is she? She is relishing this role and loves this attention and this soap opera fiasco and you are a FAR better person than me. I would be infuriated with all this to the point that I would have made certain this was never done again. My DH would NOT be at the gym... and She would not be emailing. Your DH should be kissing your a$$ right now for not throwing his butt out and you should be at a romantic dinner talking all this out. This is crazy! Is there a "foot down" icon?

Well said, I agree!

Message edited 4/3/2006 9:18:58 PM.

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Posted by ExpectingJoy

I thought about responding, but wanted to throw my .02 into the ring. I think your relationship with DH is at major risk here. I don't like at all how this girl is telling YOU about YOUR DH. You know him best, he is yours- not heres to vouch for. We don't even know her and she is telling you "he is a good guy". Who is she? She is relishing this role and loves this attention and this soap opera fiasco and you are a FAR better person than me. I would be infuriated with all this to the point that I would have made certain this was never done again. My DH would NOT be at the gym... and She would not be emailing. Your DH should be kissing your a$$ right now for not throwing his butt out and you should be at a romantic dinner talking all this out. This is crazy! Is there a "foot down" icon?

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Posted by mommy2bellabean
Watch your back! I am WAY late to the game here, but I read your story and this sounds like they are trying to cover tracks. Sadly, my gut tells me, DH called her when he went to the gym and told her to write something...

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

be VERY careful. none of this makes sense. they are trying to set your mind at ease but IMO something else is brewing.

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Oh boy, the fact that she emails you, after your DH leaves early for the gym, right after you and DH had this conversation about her...MAJOR red flag. Something is sooo not right about this.

I'm sorry, and I hope you can work this out!!!

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

You know your situation best. Wait to see what happens or confront. What you definitely need to do is get ahold of your financal situation. Hopefully it won't come to this but make sure you know what's going in your account & what's going out.

I still remember one of my relatives withdrawing all of their bank acounts when she found out her husband was cheating. He fessed up immediately. Cried like a baby & said he wanted to work it out. She put the money back...way too soon in my opinion.

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Be careful of this b!tch...You can't trust her at all. She's telling YOU about YOUR DH...Puhleez!

I don't think I'd be able to get any sleep either...

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

I really dont know what to say

If it were me, Id no longer have ANY trust in my DH- as Laurie said before... to me its "cheating" if its done behind your back "secretly"- Didnt you say he made a comment about "her" being his problem.. and that she was "hot"- LUSTFUL comments IMO-

Trust is a BIG part of any relationship- counseling would be a must!

I cant imagine your pain... but women in this situation OFTEN- believe these women (and men) because deep down inside they dont wanna believe this is reality, and down the road it only gets worse...Dont let them make a fool out of you... try hard and be strong, and I agree.... DEF get those phone records!

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

I'm sorry for what you're going thru.

your DH is definitely up to no good imo....

plus, the fact that you had to ask him:


"I asked if she was a threat"


is NOT a good sign.



Hope it works out for you!

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

We are all here for you-but don't be a victim. Demand the truth and now. As far as this girl asking your permission, nix that right now.

I would let her know in very few words that it is unacceptable to be "in touch" with your husband. Tell her to call him and end it. Whatever she has to tell him-that's it's over. You can tell her that you know all about it. She will in turn call him and alert him.

He will eventually have to face the music. Get yourself together financially if you need to.

If I were in this situation, the bank accounts would be emptied and the deed on the house taken out of his name and the locks on the doors changed. That would give him a clear message how not to mess with you or his marriage.

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Posted by ExpectingJoy

I thought about responding, but wanted to throw my sincere .02 into the ring. I think your relationship with DH is at major risk here. I don't like at all how this girl is telling YOU about YOUR DH. You know him best, he is yours- not hers to vouch for. We don't even know her and she is telling you "he is a good guy". Who the he&& is she? She is relishing this role and loves this attention and this soap opera fiasco and you are a FAR better person than me. I would be infuriated with all this to the point that I would have made certain this was never done again. My DH would NOT be at the gym... and she would not be emailing. She is not worth communicating with. Your DH should be kissing your a$$ right now for not throwing his butt out (which I would do to show I was not going to stand for this) and you should be at a romantic dinner talking all this out. Marriage is sacred and this girl needs to go back to the hole from which she came! This is crazy! Is there a "foot down" icon?

eta: You need to start directing traffic around here... if you get my drift. Don't be the victim-- he gets the control that way. Let him know- he talks to her, he loses his comforts from you he has come to know and love. There will be consequences to his actions. This is what marriage is- a partnership- a give and take. You are 50% of this relationship, so you have a 50% say. Good luck!

Re: I deperately need advice Update at bottom

Posted by mommy2bellabean

Posted by HelpPlease

She just wrote me back and said This

"DH is a good guy though. I wouldn't worry if i were you. He loves you.

I can't vouch for anyone else he talks to b/c I don't know their intentions. But I'd never do that to you or to anyone else. Its not my thing.

But it's totally your call. I was really happy to run into him again but the LAST thing i'd want to do is create problems between the two of you.

Think about it, and if you don't want me to talk to him, I won't. Let me know."


Sounds to me like she is trying to be very sincere. This definitely puts me a little bit more at ease. But that skeptic in me still has a small bit of worry.

Thanks for listening to all this and letting me let this all out. It has been very theraputic.

Watch your back! I am WAY late to the game here, but I read your story and this sounds like they are trying to cover tracks. Sadly, my gut tells me, DH called her when he went to the gym and told her to write something...

I can't vouch for anyone else he talks to b/c I don't know their intentions. But I'd never do that to you or to anyone else. Its not my thing.

This sounds very leery to me...what he is doing is NOT OK and they both know it....