So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

So if you saw my post last night you know dh was out for few drinks after work called me at 8 said i am going to finish my beer and come home wake up at 11 hes not home try his phone a few times finally i called his friend he was with who answered teh phone and finally put him on the phone DH is BEYOND fuming at me for calling his friends but i dont care i think its was justified anyway.. sorry tro bore you with that recap... anyway he went out again tonight ( this was planned for while) and he has been such a jerk all day i spoke to him for abnout an hour at work and then when i got home and he just doenst see my point he says i treat him like a teenager and that i ask too many quesytions like who is gogn and such. but i ask that conversationally and he doenst belive me he thinks i do it to question him. i dont know what to do i want to teach him a lesson some how . I left the house last night at 1230 after he came home and of course i was back in about 10 mionutes wher was i gonna go really ( although Noreen offered me to come there THANKS GIRL) but anyway i feel like he always "wins" i feel like he doenst appreciate me or repsect my feeling an is very inconsiderate. This is my big plan LOL tell me what you think.. I am planning on talkin to him only when neccessary and not goign anywhere with him unless i have to ( for example we go to his aunts on sunday for football forget that) and i plan to do thi until he ocmes to my senses i know it sounds immature but relaly i dont knwo how to get through to him. ADVICE PLEASE?. if you think my plan is silly immature feel feree to say so but please give me an alternative.

Message edited 11/22/2005 6:32:37 PM.

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADFLY

IMO...it is always best to wait until both of you are cooled off and less angry and then just alk it out. Tell him how you feel and vica versa..

And although i like my sweet justice like the next...it really never does anything but make matters worse

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADFLY

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADFLY

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

I agree that you should wait until you cool off.

I think making plans like that is like playing games- marriage shouldn't have to be playing games.

Although my way is to just ignore him or be nasty until he gets it!

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

IMO, you have a right to be mad and I believe that a serious discussion is needed

Sadly, your plan (although clever) will only serve to make things worse before they get better. It will only serve to continue to create friction before a solution is reached.

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

I do not think there is anything wrong with wanting to know where he is and who he is with.

I would not go out without telling him where I was and who I was with.

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

Message edited 11/22/2005 6:59:34 PM.

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

I agree with cooling off but sometimes, no matter how often or how you say it, they just don't get it. If I was you, I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Why can't you make plans and go out without letting him know what's going on? Plan a "girls night out" one Saturday and tell him you're meeting friends. When you aren't home when he expects you to be, maybe he'll be a little more understanding of where you are coming from.

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

I have had to take "Desperate measures" with DH and it has worked, so maybe your plan is worth a try. Sometimes talking to them is not enough to get your point across. DH usually wises up REAL fast if he thinks Im seriously MAD...THEN we have the talk that wasnt working on first try.

I dont know what else to say, but I hope it works out, I feel so bad for you right now that you feel this way

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

We are obviously married to the same men because my DH used to do that to me all the time. He would go out after work for what he called a "few drinks" at 5 and that he would be home at 9. Well I dont think there was 1 time he showed up at the time he said he would. It was more like 1 or 1:30 he would come rolling in. Like you I devised a plan to not be home when he got there to make him feel how i felt, when i had no idea if he was dead on the side of the road. I left and went out with my friend and waited for his phone calls to blow my phone up and they did but instead of him worrying my plan backfired lol because he knew I was doing it on spite. Finally I just had to sit him down and tell him that its not the fact of him going out or that I care who he is with its just simple courtesy to let me know when your going to be home and when you give my your ETA stand by it. Dont order another round when you know you said you would be home at a certain time. After a very long talk he realized what he was doing was just plain inconsiderate. Noone is telling them they CANT go out, just that it would be nice if they would be home at a decent time or for the very least the time tey say they will be.
Im babbling right now but just wanted to let you know I feel your pain! Just try to explain to him exactly how you feel. Good Luck!

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

Posted by civic24ex

We are obviously married to the same men because my DH used to do that to me all the time. He would go out after work for what he called a "few drinks" at 5 and that he would be home at 9. Well I dont think there was 1 time he showed up at the time he said he would. It was more like 1 or 1:30 he would come rolling in. Like you I devised a plan to not be home when he got there to make him feel how i felt, when i had no idea if he was dead on the side of the road. I left and went out with my friend and waited for his phone calls to blow my phone up and they did but instead of him worrying my plan backfired lol because he knew I was doing it on spite. Finally I just had to sit him down and tell him that its not the fact of him going out or that I care who he is with its just simple courtesy to let me know when your going to be home and when you give my your ETA stand by it. Dont order another round when you know you said you would be home at a certain time. After a very long talk he realized what he was doing was just plain inconsiderate. Noone is telling them they CANT go out, just that it would be nice if they would be home at a decent time or for the very least the time tey say they will be.
Im babbling right now but just wanted to let you know I feel your pain! Just try to explain to him exactly how you feel. Good Luck!

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

I feel your pain I really do! You know your husband best and what will work on him. If talking to him isnt making him realize what he is doing is inconsiderate to you then I would try giving him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he needs to feel it rather than hear it. All in all I hope it all works out for you and if you ever need to vent about it feel free to FM me.

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

Posted by civic24ex

I feel your pain I really do! You know your husband best and what will work on him. If talking to him isnt making him realize what he is doing is inconsiderate to you then I would try giving him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he needs to feel it rather than hear it. All in all I hope it all works out for you and if you ever need to vent about it feel free to FM me.

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

thanks everyone!

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

So, are you sure this isn't my husband? This sounds just like our marriage in the beginning. He just didn't know what to do and still wanted to be a bachelor.

What I learned was, the more I bothered him about it, or argued with him, the later he stayed out. So, what I started to do was make plans with my friends or use this quiet time to watch Chic flicks or just be. Eventually, he caught on and decided that being with me was more important then drinking with the buddies.

Now what we do is go out on Saturday night for dinner, a movie, etc..and then he meets his friends afterwards. Since we are TTCing, I have no desire to hang out in bars.

Good Luck!

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

Posted by momAGAIN

Posted by shamrock12472

I agree with cooling off but sometimes, no matter how often or how you say it, they just don't get it. If I was you, I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Why can't you make plans and go out without letting him know what's going on? Plan a "girls night out" one Saturday and tell him you're meeting friends. When you aren't home when he expects you to be, maybe he'll be a little more understanding of where you are coming from.

this was going to be my suggestion as well!!! good luck!!!

Re: So my Dh just left he went out AGAIN! Opinions advice needed BADLY

mama, go out!!!!! have fun!!!!! stay out ALL night!!!!

hell, I'LL take you out! he really seems like he needs to be tauht a lesson!