VERY awkward situation...HELP

I just got a letter in the mail from my friends sister who I am in her sisters wedding. She is asking me for 335 dollars plus flowers, games, balloons etc... I had mine in May and my mom and my dh mom paid for my whole shower not asking anyone. Ive been in 6 weddings and have never been asked for money nor in a letter. For my shower i got a breadmaker for 50 bucks from her. What would you do? I still have to give her 300 to her wedding and pay for my dress. This is going over the 1000 dollars mark for me. She also is requestion we get our makeup airbrushed and hair done by her lady. Can I say either no to the 335+ or can I say I can only contribute 150?

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

I think I would confront her and tell her that you did not know that you would have to lay out that amount of money - and why you were not told before now.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

I would tell her you cant put that much $$ in..........thats alot

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

I agree...its alot and if they cant afford it then they should have it at someones house...plus the letter states..."this does not include balloons , favors, flowers etc...

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

I would be upfront and say you cannot afford it, you wish you could, but all you can afford is 150. That's a lot of money to ask from bridesmaids!

xxxxxxx

Message edited 2/11/2007 8:05:35 PM.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

Posted by Redhead

Posted by PrincessP

I agree...its alot and if they cant afford it then they should have it at someones house...plus the letter states..."this does not include balloons , favors, flowers etc...

I did think that it is customary that the BM's chip in for the shower....
300 not including the above...IMO is RIDICULOUS....

But that doesn't nec mean they have to have it at a house.....
House showers can be pricey as well....depending on how you do it...which is what ultimately may be the issue
. They should have asked the girls how much they could chip in and gone from there....

At least that is how i would have done it...

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

WOW that is a lot... I know my BM's were asked to chip in $200 each and 2 of them couldnt, and that was fine, my Mom and MOH made up the difference , expecting not everyone could afford it.

But all the BMS were involved with picking the place we had it to understand the costs in the beginning...But that was including everything...

And I didnt expect gifts from my BM's at my shower although I got them...

I would seriously just say. No one ever advised me of this cost and with all the other expenses, I can only afford...this much... If anyone gives you a hard time, then they are idiots IMO

Message edited 2/19/2006 3:28:37 PM.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

Thats a lot. I would tell her they need to look around for someplace more reasonable, including everyone in the place shopping, so everyone can agree on a place and price. That is ridiculous considering it doesn't even include a bunch of stuff.
My friends sister tried to do this to us for her shower years ago, she wanted $400 a person. Really made me feel like a bad friend not being able to afford it, but luckily, me and all the other girls did speak up and the brides mom chipped in half so we only had to pay 200 in the end. But seriously, I am sure her sister wants to give her a great shower, but she needs to realize this is not your sister, and you have bills and other expenses for this wedding and that is just way too much.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

that is way too much. I had mine in a restaurant with flowers balloons favors etc and my mom only asked the girls for 125 each to contribute to the shower and for my group gift.
I would either call her or write her back a letter asking exactly what is this money going towards and how many girls are chipping in. I dont think thats forward since she opened that door by asking for that much. You have a right to know since its your money she is asking for. Yes BM's its customary but not a "have to" thing to chip in. Who is in charge of this shower? It should be the mom or MOH, why did the bride send you a letter?

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

Posted by Salason

Posted by Redhead

Posted by PrincessP

I agree...its alot and if they cant afford it then they should have it at someones house...plus the letter states..."this does not include balloons , favors, flowers etc...

I did think that it is customary that the BM's chip in for the shower....
300 not including the above...IMO is RIDICULOUS....

But that doesn't nec mean they have to have it at a house.....
House showers can be pricey as well....depending on how you do it...which is what ultimately may be the issue
. They should have asked the girls how much they could chip in and gone from there....

At least that is how i would have done it...

completely agree with all of the above. i do think its customary for the BMs to chip in but the amount theyre asking is ridiculous. i have on several occasions chipped in $200
(but for everything incl BM gift). they should have asked everyone what they can afford.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

It's not the amount I have the issue with so much as the letter. Every bridal party I was in, I chipped in for the shower - with the exception of my SIL's (because I was told she & her friend's have their mothers pay for the whole thing ). We would all get together or have a con call to discuss what we could afford to do towards the shower. A budget was set and plans were made accordingly.

I think telling her that you can afford x dollars is the way to go on this one.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

I agree, it's normal for the bridal party to chip in for the shower. I have for every wedding party I have been in. But, they should have had the bridesmaids get together to chose the place and figure out how much each had to spend...INCLUDING flowers, favors and gift.
$335 sounds like a lot, but honestly I have had to fork over that much for a shower (including everything). It's definitely not the norm though, usually it runs about $200.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

That's Bull$h!t!!!!!

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

Posted by MissJones

That's Bull$h!t!!!!!

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

I would tell her that if you were expected to help pay for the shower, than you expect that you should have been included when the venue and price range was decided on. Tell her that, while you agree to chip in, 300 is exceeding your budget, and had you known earlier and been included, you may have been able to accomodate this in your budget. I would tell her, I can give you X amount of dollars, but that's all you are able to afford at this point.
I dropped out of someone's wedding last year because she put in NADA for my shower, but expected me to pay 400 bucks for a dress, plus make-up and hair, plus pay for her shower. Bite me. I'm not here to make your every wish come true.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

That is a lot of $$ and it's nervy that they ask you to have your hair and makeup done by her person. I wonder if she gets it free for having a certain number of people pay.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

although it wasn't done in your case, it is customary for the bridal party to split the cost of the bridal shower. think of your friend and how important this day is for her. IMO, it is not worth getting into an argument w/ the sister. offer what you can afford and what you think is fair.

are you friendly w/ anyone else in the bridal party?

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

Honestly, I feel like we need new BP "rules" Chipping in for the shower is the norm, but showers being held at 40.00 a plate venues is totally new and common now.

BP paying for dresses: Something is wrong when my most expensive gowns in my closet are bridemaids dresses...paying for your own bridesmaid dress is fine, but the prices have gotten crazy. Then shoes, alerations and up-dos!!

Bach parties...this is getting out of hand completely. What happened to going to a bar and buying the first round of shots??? Now I have to contribute to a party bus fee and hotel room??

Oh yeah and on top of everything else, I love when people let me know the price per plate at the wedding. Sorry if my 250.00 "gift" is not covering my cold chicken...

Vent over...do what you can, it is all out of hand. I hope my bridal party days are over.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

AMEN Janice!

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

I would ask "where are you having this" and "how many people were invited" if you need that kind of money !! How many BM's are there???? Please tell me the $335 includes your part of the "gift" also. That is just an insane amount for money - and it doesn't even cover the basics!!!

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

be straight with them - you cant afford to give $355 towards the shower - i think that is an insane amount if the family feels they need to invite the whole world they get to make up the difference!

just say no ! explain to the mother that you have alot of other expenses toward the wedding and just cant afford to spend over 350 dollars on the shower.
if they were planning a huge expense they should have discussed it with the bridesmaids first.

Re: VERY awkward situation...HELP

My mother paid for my entire shower, not asking for a dime from any of the BMs. I would just be straight forward and say that this was mnot something that you had considered initially since you have never had to before and that $335 is more than what you can afford in to chip in especially considering that is aside from the rest of the stuff.