i cant potty train her

i was in tears last night. i really cant do it. my dd turned 3 in november. and no matter what i do i cant get her potty trained. i feel embarrassed and like a failure. my sil and mil, yelled at me, yes yelled, and told me "its ridiculous already that you cant potty train her". my dd was early at walking and talking and so much other things, but with this i dont know why she wont catch on. im just really upset. sorry. i really dont know where to turn for some help and support.

Re: i cant potty train her

Since I am not there yet I could be way off base, but maybe she isn't ready yet, why don't you try for a few days and if it doesn't work, try again in 2 or 3 weeks. My bf's boys wouldn't train until 3 1/2. I think if you try forcing it before she is ready you will have a lot more accidents.

Re: i cant potty train her

Potty training is not something you can force.. when a child is ready they will go on the potty... I had a lot of difficulty potty-training my son he would NOT even sit on the potty... eventually after trying and trying he just woke up one day dry and has gone on the potty ever since... my DH and I were amazed, we have no idea what happened, he just decided he was ready...
What I did was everytime we went to the bathroom Jordan would come and sit on his potty too, we went through quite a few potties too until we found one that he liked..
Good luck and don't let your MIL or SIL yell at you

Re: i cant potty train her

Potty training is really tough. It's the one thing you just don't have control over.

Tell me what you've tried? Is she going because she's too busy playing? Have you tried the reward system?

Re: i cant potty train her

Sounds like my niece. She was also past 3 & nothing we would do can make her go potty. We tried to bribe her,praise her,even humiliate her...tell her she was stinky..all kinds of things.
Then I bought her Kelly (Barbies little sister).
You fill her up with water & she pee's. We only let her play with/see the doll in the bathroom.. We'd say "Kelly needs to tinkle" and run to the bathroom & we'd only let her join if she'd tinkle too. Ok, sounds childish that 2 adult women( my sister & I ) would be excitedly rushing to the bathroom..but it was the ONLY thing that worked.
Believe me..don't belittle yourself,potty training is so hard..its sooooo straining & it really brings you to drastic measures.

Like I said,my niece was a nightmare..but on the other hand,my son & my nephew were a breeze. Just like the other poster..they woke-up one morning & wanted to be "big boys"..no more pampers.
My mom also yelled at my sister because she was comparing my niece to the rest of the grandchildren,even to us..thats so wrong!
Every child is different, be consistant...don't give up & praise all her attempts.

Good Luck.

Message edited 3/21/2006 11:00:40 AM.

Re: i cant potty train her

I have no advice....only some hugs !

Sorry they yelled at you!

Re: i cant potty train her

Eff them for yelling at you! As if you can control her bowels and strap her to the toilet. I'm sure they're the perfect parents with perfect kids. Ive been there recently though - my son turned 3 in October with no signs of being the least bit interested in getting out the the diaper. I too was stressing, trying all the suggestions and such - he was very happy to sit in a poop diaper, it wasnt even like he was uncomfortable. One day around mid November I was speaking with someone I hadnt seen in awhile with older kids and she simply said dont sweat it, he'll do it. Somehow I was able to actually stop sweating it - and swear to you - he toilet trained 2 weeks later. No coaxing, nothing - my DH simply asked him if he wanted to use the potty and wear underwear that day and he just decided he was ready. BTW, we had also tried that same thing - using underwear - prior to that and he would just wet through or poop in them. So really, I just think he felt no pressure or stress from me and just relaxed himself. Thats the only explanation I have for it. He's very strong willed and I think he probably wanted to do it on his own terms. When I say toilet trained - I mean completely - pee, poop, telling you when he had to go, holding it if not right near a bathroom. So please dont get discouraged. My son also walked, walked, did everything early so I will admit a bit of my ego was involved in the fact that he wasnt toilet training "early". Now that we are on the other side of it, I can see how its not such a big deal that he wasnt doing it by 3 (although its very nice to not change those diapers!). I hate that your ILs are making you question your parenting skills b/c you cant "make her" toilet train. Try not to sweat it. Give yourself and her a bit of a break from worrying about it, you may be surprised too. Good luck with it. If you have any questions or need moral support, feel free to FM me.

Re: i cant potty train her

Some people can be really impatient when it comes to potty training. I'm sorry they yelled at you. But don't worry because at this point, it may frustrating that you're daughter isn't trained, but it's normal. I had a girl once in my class who was 3 months from her 4th birthday and still wasn't completely potty trained. It was upsetting to her mother and more work for us, but the little girl went when she was ready. You can't force her, only encourge her, make it fun.

Here are some things I tried: I used to sit in the bathroom with her, she sat on toilet and I read books, talked to her I even sang a song. "A pee-pee on the pot-tay, A pee-pee on the pot-tay" (From look who's talking 2) She loved it. I let her watch other childern go to the bathroom. I had her sit on the toilet at least twice an hour. If she got upset, I let her go. I never pushed it, if she didn't want to do it. At home, her parents would let her run around naked, that way if she had an accident the pee would run down her legs and she wouldn't like it and try to find a toilet.

It may take a while but, she will go when it's time. Just don't get too upset with her, when she has accidents (even after she's trained she'll continue to miss or forget or just choose not to go), Keep asking her "Where do we go potty?" Keep showing her how it's done and spend lots of time in the bathroom, she'll get it.
Don't worry and Good Luck!

Re: i cant potty train her

thank you so much ladies for your encouraging words. i have tried the reward method and the bribing, and sitting with her. i tried a potty that goes on the floor and a seat that goes right on the toliet. i even tried dr.phils method with the doll, etc. i guess i should just hold off for a week and try again, maybe i am putting too much pressure on her. thanks so much again. as for my mil and sil yelling at me, you would think they would offer to help me train her, but, no, they just like to send their negative comments to me. nice right. thanks so much girls, im glad to know im not the only mommy who had trouble with this.

Re: i cant potty train her

Maybe if they were willing to try to get involved in the training it might help. You know, Mommy isn't pressuring me anymore, Grandma is having fun with me.

My Mom said that I too was a b**ch when it came to this. She said that I WOULD NOT go on the potty -- under any circumstances. Then my grandmother said that she would buy me "Big Girl Panties" -- with flowers on them, but that I couldn't make in the diaper anymore. Well, it worked. My grandmother bought me the panties, and I never wore a diaper again, or had an accident.

Tell MIL and SIL to get involved instead of just watching from the sidelines. It's alot more useful.

Good luck.

Re: i cant potty train her

I think what seemed to work best with both kids potty training was just going cold turkey.

If this helps, at daycare, they put underwear on under a pullup - to make them feel uncomfortable. While absorbency is great for us, it's not for potty training.

My friend has me bring Maddie by now that she's potty trained. It's helpful if they see someone around their age going on the potty. If you want to borrow my daughter, let me know. Her son is about 3-1/2 (actually closer to 4) and saw the big deal his mom made over Maddie going on the potty. Marched right into the potty & did it.

Hang in there...everyone gets potty trained eventually.

Re: i cant potty train her

Forcing or making potty training a miserable experience can make your child so stressed out that she can't do it.
Tell your SIL and MIL to BACK OFF!!! MANY, MANY children are 3 and not potty trained yet. And who are they to say a word about it. I would not call them or answer the phone for weeks if I was treated like that.


What happens if you just take off her pull-ups for the day? Does she care if she goes on herself? Will she try to make it to the potty?

Maybe taking a week off is the best thing right now- for both of you. She can probably sense how you feel and that isn't good for you or her. A week without worrying about this might really help you start off on a new foot. Sometimes we all need a break and to start new.

I have read that some moms just say "There are no more diapers until bedtime." and they stay home for days in a row, setting a timer every 1/2 hour or hour and when the timer goes off they run to the potty to try. Of course, rewards are given for every try. And the mom just cleans up any accidents as they happen without ANY negative comment or anger- even though that is hard to do I am sure. It is all matter of fact. "Honey, next time you feel like you have to pee-pee you have to use the potty" Keeping the baby without pants on also helps them because they don't have to worry about taking them off before reaching the potty.

I have a Potty Power DVD that Molly really enjoys. Playing a DVD a number of times a day can get her excited about the potty. Put the potty on a towel in the LR where she is watching it.

I read an article about a boy who was 3.5 who refused to train. They had doctors, every video, books, gave chocolate, gave ice cream..you name it. Well one day the little boy said he was afraid an elephant would eat him if he sat on the potty That is why he didn't want to go potty. And once his parents explained that there were no elephants inside the potty, he was fine. So sometimes it is something very small and once you figure that out, it is easy sailing afterwards.

Re: i cant potty train her

Potty training is something so difficult to get done (most of the time), and its even more difficult when others have to chime in their 2 cents
My MIL has said for over a year ("Give me him for 2 days, I'll have him potty trained" and I would remind her every time she DID have him for 2 days, hmmm... she stopped saying it).

My son was very similar to Luke (Liz's son). Showed no interest, even seeing his cousins, boys and girls, going potty. HE WANTED to have his diaper on Well around his 3rd bday, he decided to run to the potty and poop, not pee, poop, which is usually much later than the pee phase... HE's also at his own pace and is now just about totally potty trained. Loves his cool underwear, etc. We never pushed it or yelled at him, only praised every little effort and made sure to have a "potty prize" at all times

ITs not an easy phase, please dont be so hard on yourself I have 2 more boys to look fwd to potty training

I wanted to add: Its so hard to not compare to other kids, my nieces potty trained together, one was 3 and one was like 22m so its just such an individual thing with every child. Im hoping my 2yr old catches on quick, he's already telling us if his diaper is dirty or wet...wishful thinking...

Message edited 3/23/2006 9:06:40 AM.