Is this normal? (long) family drama

My brother, his wife and 8 month old recently moved back to the east coast after living on the west coast for many years. I have basically been like an only child since my brother moved away- having stayed in NY. That said, you get into routines with your family, etc.

Father's Day weekend I always go out to LI and stay over at my mom's so I can spend some time with my step-dad and then my dad picks me up on Sunday and we hang out on Father's Day. DH and I do not spend father's day together.

This year-- my brother arranged ahead of time to sleep over at my mom's with the baby. I told my mom that I was planning on coming as I always do. I planned to have slept at DH's parents knowing that my bro was staying at my mom's, but decided not to cause his parents had guests, etc. and I would just be more comfortable at my mom's.

Because of the baby, etc. my dad had a bbq and invited my mom and step-dad over so we could all spend father's day together- very nice and easy for everyone. Me and DH went out early on Sat as we and I had errands to do on LI. By the time I got to my mom's tp drop off stuff and just say hello on Sat, my bro and SIL were out at a movie and my mom was babysitting. Then I had dinner with DH, so he picked me up and we were out for a few hours. By the time I got back to my mom's it was after 9 o clock. They had all had dinner together and spent time together. I was basically coming back there to go to sleep. My bro was basically already passed out on the couch by the time I got back.

My bro and SIL went over to my dad's house earlier than me on Sunday. I stayed a little after everyone left. My dad proceeds to tell me that as soon as my bro got there-- he b*tched and moaned and said how it wasn't right that I slept at my mom's. And that I infringed on their time together. This p*ssed me off so much-- because this is what I ALWAYS do on Father's day and I mean-- it's not like I had dinner with everyone or whatever- I was barely even there on Saturday.

My brother is impossible-- he always has a problem with me and I have no idea what to do about it. I can understand that he wants to spend time with my parents without me there-- but, I mean- it's not like this was some random weekend-- it was freakin father's day!

I am just so angry at everyone-- my mother, cause I am sure my bro b*tched to her for, not defending me and communicating to me that my bro maybe had something else in mind he planned to stay out there. We all recognize my brother for what he is-- he can be very sweet and generous, then completely irrational. But I cannot handle this freakin drama every time everyone tries to get together. Everyone makes me feel like I am in the way-- and I have no idea how to handle this and tell them they are hurting my feelings without sounding like some spoiled brat who no longer has my parents undivided attention.

Am I even making sense?? I swear, I have been on the verge of tears all weekend. Maybe it's PMS but this is driving me nuts.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I'm so sorry! I think you should talk to your mom and I derfinitely think you should talk to your brother. I would tell him that this is the way things have always been and that he just got back here and he has to deal with it. I would also tell him that it's inappropriate for him to put your dad in the middle and that he shouldn't be b*tching about you to your dad!!!!

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I think your brother was being a little bratty IMHO. After all, whether he lives out of town or not, Father's Day is a FAMILY day. If he wanted to have your parents to himself, he might have chosen a better weekend to do that, not FATHER'S DAY weekend.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

Posted by THEINFAMOUSMRS.OTG



I think your brother was being a little bratty IMHO. After all, whether he lives out of town or not, Father's Day is a FAMILY day. If he wanted to have your parents to himself, he might have chosen a better weekend to do that, not FATHER'S DAY weekend.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I am so sorry! It stinks that this happened. i would speak to each person separately and explain how you feel. Let your mom know that you're aware of your brother's complaining and that you wished she could have told you about his desire to have alone time with your parents. I would speak to your brother and let him know that you wished he would have communicated his feelings to you and that he he expressed himself, he would have realized that this is what you do every year without fail.

I offer you many hugs!

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I'm sorry Randi, I think you really need to have a heart to talk with your mom and brother.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

thanks everyone-- just was making sure I was not being too sensitive- cause I tend to be sometimes. My brother is honestly a lost cause. I need to talk to my mom because she has done a couple of things recently that have been hurtful. We never were one, big happy family-- and now that we are all on the same coast-- a lot of issues that would been ironed out years ago are potentially coming to a head.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

Posted by THEINFAMOUSMRS.OTG



I think your brother was being a little bratty IMHO. After all, whether he lives out of town or not, Father's Day is a FAMILY day. If he wanted to have your parents to himself, he might have chosen a better weekend to do that, not FATHER'S DAY weekend.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

Posted by nrthshgrl

Posted by THEINFAMOUSMRS.OTG



I think your brother was being a little bratty IMHO. After all, whether he lives out of town or not, Father's Day is a FAMILY day. If he wanted to have your parents to himself, he might have chosen a better weekend to do that, not FATHER'S DAY weekend.

I agree. too. You did nothing wrong. I think you should talk to your parents if you're still not over it. Just say "I did what I do every year."

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I agree that your brother was being selfish, but I also wonder why your dad told you all of that, if he knew it would upset you?

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

My dad has no edit button. But he mentioned it to me yesterday, thinking I knew there was a problem. Then he called me tonight and asked if we made up yet-- which made me think it was even more than my brother's typical b*tching. This is how I found out he was complaining for the whole hour he was there before me-- also, making it difficult for my dad to play with his grandchild.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

That was really messed up of your brother. He should have spoken to you about it and not complained to everyone. Why didn't you all have dinner together on Saturday? You could have spent more time together.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I would have been annoyed as well. Why would your brother need to spend time alone with the parents you share without you there? That's ridiculous! And the fact that he's an adult with a child makes it even worse!

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I guess I understand that he wants to spend time without me there-- cause I enjoy spending alone time with my mom-- but, I assume it's just cause the mother/daughter thing. I don't feel the same way with my father though.

I didn't have dinner with them-- cause DH and were not staying together that night and I wanted to go out with him-- plus, I knew that my bro and everyone would be hanging out so I was staying out of their hair.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I dont live by my family and when i go home with my DH to visit my parents, I love when my sisters come over with us to have dinner or just to hang out. I go home to see everyone not just my parents. I think i would be upset if they didn't come over.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

It sounds like he is probably jealous of the fact that you get to spend so much time with your family.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

I'm sorry but your brother needs to get over himself. It was FATHER'S DAY weekend! What did he expect? You should get out of the way because NOW he is here and wants to spend time with his family? I think you were being more than agreeable and easy with your time and your plans. They had dinner together without you. Shame on him (and them) for making you feel "in the way". I would be hurt and upset too. I would have a talk with my brother. And with my parents.

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

Your brother needs to grow up!

Re: Is this normal? (long) family drama

Trying to see things from another perspective...did your mom maybe not communicate to him that you sleep over every year? Maybe he was surprised that you were coming over since he had "planned" to sleep over with his family? I know moms tend to do that (not say things) so that one kid doesn't get upset with the other. I don't know.

Your brother does sound "special" and I'm sorry that you had to deal with this. It sounds like plain ol' sibling rivalry though. I'm just surprised that no one told you that "maybe this weekend you shouldn't sleep over"...although thinking about it that would probably hurt you & that's maybe why mom didn't say anything.

It sounds like a bad situation all around and I would normally leave it alone, but because he moved back here I would make it an effort to speak to him and be direct...say "is there something wrong?" and take it from there.

I know I had a HUGE blow-up with my older brother right before my wedding. Talking helps.

Good luck!!