This mommy needs help/advice

I really could use some help from the mommies here as I'm on the verge of completely losing it..........

I'm having a horrible time with my son - every day is completely different from the next and at 4 months old he STILL is not sleeping through the night and has absolutely no routine/schedule whatsoever. Once the colic was gone I thought this would all get better but its not. He'll fall asleep and then get up in the middle of the night and thinks its partytime. I spend the better half of my nights awake on the couch in tears as he sits there and plays. My neighbor across the street waves to me when he leaves for work at 4am - its ridiculous..........

If I just had him I wouldn't be so desperate but I have my daughter to handle also. I am pretty much stuck in the house b/c I never know when he is going to nap/wake up/eat. I've tried keeping a log of his day to day schedule and there is absolutely no pattern. When it is time for him to go to sleep its literally a battle. Monday night he screamed for 3 hours straight before going down. We tried everything to calm him down but nothing worked - he was so overtired and just refused to cave.

What makes it harder is that my daughter at this age had a routine, bedtime and went through the night. She may not have napped and is a bit on the high maintenance side but at least I knew when I could go out, clean, and by 7:30 latest she'd be down for the night and I'd go to the gym and then spend the night catching up with my hubby.

I'm literally miserable - I'm not getting anything done, I have no time for myself and worst of all my husband and I do not spend any time together.

I'm at my wits end - I've been giving my kids to both sets of grandparents just so I could go food shopping and take a quick break but I don't want to keep relying on them all the time. I need to find a way to make this all work and I have absolutely no idea how to.

Anyone have any ideas - I'm beyond and beside myself and at the point of complete exhaustion..............

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

I"m so sorry to hear this! I'm a brand new mommy so I can't offer any advice. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. I'm glad you came on and vented about how you are feeling. I know someone here will have some words that will help.

Until then...

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

I am sorry I have no adivce - I am still new at this too.

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

FM!

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how tough it is. I remember how exhausting it was when Alex wasn't sleeping through the night.

At 4 months old I don't really remember having Alex on a set schedule. Just eating every three hours. He would usually take a nap after 2 hours of awake time. Going to bed around 8:30 and waking around 6:30. Schedules during the day are hard. Naps were all over the place. Have you tried the EASY routine, EAT, Activity, Sleep, You?

Does he sleep a lot during the day? Maybe he is getting too much sleep during the day. How about a nighttime routine of a bath, bottle, some cuddle time and bed? What happens when he wakes in the middle of the night? Is he eating? Or he just wants to play? Have you tried leaving him in the crib when he wakes up in the middle of the night?

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

I am so sorry! Its so hard to go through this motherhood lark without any sleep! Good luck with it all

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

Hmmm... well, as you can see from JRG71's post from today, I had similar problems with Alex. It became simply unbearable because I was working full-time. Here's the post:

Linky

With Alex, she was all over the place - still is generally - with her naps. I never really noticed any kind of pattern until I put her in daycare and they were writing down her nap times. She doesn't have a schedule AT ALL, but what I have noticed is that she needs to take a nap every 2 hours. That doesn't mean she necessarily takes one (she fights naps like a little devil!), but she definitely starts fussing/rubbing her eyes/yawning or rubbing her face into my chest if two hours have gone by without a nap. Do you notice anything like this at all? Things improved a little at that point because I knew what to expect every 2 hours. I knew *why* she was fussing when she was fussing. And, if I caught her early enough, before it was too late, I could get her to nap. But, with my little darling, I have only a 5 minute timeframe to catch her "optimal" sleep zone. Otherwise, all hell breaks loose... this works for bedtime as well. At 4 months we were all over the place - some nights 6pm, some nights 11pm, etc. But, part of that was because I couldn't "read" the signs when she was tired and by the time I figured it out - i.e. her first yawn - it was too late at that point. Once I figured out the 2 hour thing, it got easier. So, for example, if she took her last nap at 5pm, I KNEW we would have to put her to sleep at 7ish. Does that make sense?

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

can your husband stay up with him for 2 or 3 nights so you can have a few nights sleep and recharge yourself before you go crazy??? It sounds like he probably works and you don't - but that doesn't mean he can't take the burden off of you for a few days!

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

Mads did not have a routine at 4 months... I would just go out and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. Granted I only had her so it's easy for me to say just go out with them and see what happens. But you could test it out... if he sleeps, he'll sleep in his infant carrier and if he's hungry just give him his bottle (or nurse). Try going somewhere close to home. Again, I have no clue what it's like to have two kids...

Hugs to you!

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

Lori - I am so sorry you are going tjrough this. I really don't have much advise for you. I can remember with Jake at 4 months we really didn't have much of a routine. He would sleep probably every 2 hours, then eat, play and them it was time to nap again. I think by 4 he finally started sleeping through the night. So hopefully there will be some light at the end of the tunnel soon.

What happens in the middle of the night if you let him cry it out?

I want to send you hugs and try to hang in there.

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

- I'm still trying to figure it out too... Just wanted to send you some hugs!!!

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

You know how I feel.

I'm sending you many, many hugs. I had no one to help me out, not even DH, so I can totally relate!!

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

Thanks for all your help girls :)

The only thing I'm noticing is that in the morning he usually naps between 9/9:30. Sometimes he gets up at 11:30, sometimes 12:30 and the other day he got up at 1:30!!!!!

Just before he got up at 4:15 from a nap and then around 7:15 I gave him a bath and just poured water over him and I literally watched him melt LOL. I gave him a bottle which he only took 6 ounces and passed out. Lord only knows if he'll sleep until tomorrow morning or get up at 11.........

What gets me is is that Monday night he slept from 8:30 to 6:00. Last night in at 7:30, up at 11:15 and didn't go back to sleep until 2am!!!!! Sometimes he goes the night, others he doesn't. There really isn't a pattern.

I usually let him fuss for a bit before I go and get him. When he does get up he literally ***** down 2-3 ounces in a blink of an eye and then is pretty much not interested in a bottle at all, just wants to talk to me and get some mommy time.

I guess its just fustrating b/c there is so much I want to do and I'm just too exhausted to do it.

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

Just wanted to give you !

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

Molly did not sleep the entire night until she was over 6 months old. I guess your son has a routine..but it is not a healthy one for either of you. I think the "playing" at night is the main problem. Maybe give him a mobile or sometype of activity board in his crib and don't take him out of his room at night. He can play in his crib but no outside of it. Maybe just tackle on problem at a time..the night time stuff is probably making your life harder. You need some sleep. Maybe one of the grandparents can come over and actually let you take a nap for a hour. That would probably help sooo much. Then use Shop Rite online shopping or Pea in the Pod (Stop & Shop) and just go pick up your order, or have it delivered. For a few weeks that would probably really help.

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

I don't have much advice because I still struggle with my daughter waking up 2-3 times a night but usually its to eat. There are times she wants to play but I don't let her. I do everything I can to get her back to sleep. If she won't go to sleep then I just let her lay there (she sleeps in bed with me most nights). Granted I don't get much sleep if she's making noise but I refuse to let her think its OK to play in the middle of the night.
One thing that helped us was the naps every 1&1/2 to 2 hours from waking. Our day has been going like this.
Wake 7am bottle
play
8:30 cereal and fruit
9am nap
Sometimes she sleeps and hour sometimes 2 sometimes 3. If we have to be somewhere I will wake her if not I let her sleep. Then she repeats the same routine with a nap about 2-2&1/2 hours from the time she woke up.
Then bedtime is 7-7:30 every night.
Its so hard to get a routine but the more I tried to stick with the napping routine the better it got and her naps got better. I never had to let her CIO for this it just took practice and she finally got used to it.
I hope it gets better for you. I know how exhausting it is with one so I can't imagine how you're holding it together with two.

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

Lori, all I can say is in a few months, I'll be coming over at 4am, so make room on the couch for me

I dont have advice, because no mommy is perfect and Im not for sure. WE have many nights where me, hubby, 2 active toddlers, and my body pillow are in our bed !!!!! and Im not showing yet, I hate to see this scenario when baby boy gets a little bigger in a few weeks!!!
Rare are the nights where each is in his own car bed (so much for getting them "cool" beds ) Apparently mommy and daddys bed is cooler ITs getting way too crowded boys..

Who thought Id be complaining about sharing a bed with 4 handsome guys

Anyway, all joking aside, sending you big hugs from one mommy to another. I have no magic words or perfect advice, but we're all in this together

Message edited 3/23/2006 7:48:42 PM.

Re: This mommy needs help/advice

I am sorry you are going through this.. I was wondering when my 5 week old sould sleep through the night. ANyway, at night do you leave his room dark when you feed him? My mon always told me do not talk to the baby in the middle of tbe night and keep the room dark. This way they know its bedtime

Also, if he does sleep though the night then he really doesnt need that bottle anymore. I would try giving him the binkie if he uses it or just rocking him. I am not sure though