Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

Both DH and I have some very prejusticed family members who are extremely vocal about their dislike of certain ethnic groups, homosexuals, etc. It really surprises me since we are both from ethinic groups that have been mistreated in the past. I'm of Irish & Italian heritiage and DH would not be here if his ancestors had not escaped Nazi Germany.

A few months back I tried telling one of them that I was surprised that they felt so strongly against African Americans since they had worked closely with them for their entire career. She told me that they "screwed her over" in her career and that she would disown her children if they dated or married an African American, even an extremely successful person like Oprah Winfrey or Colin Powell.

We don't want to start a war within our families, but we don't want our children to be this way, and would like to tactfully say something to these family members when they start shooting their mouth off in our home, especially in front of Sarah.

Thanks for any suggestions.

Re: Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

I would wait until you are at a family gathering and someone makes an inappopriate comment aroung you and Sarah and right then and there say something like "While you are entitled to your own view of things, we would really appreciate it if you would not talk like that around Sarah." I think that would be much easier than bringing the subject up randomly. I think it will be much more effective if the discussion sparks from an actual incident.

Re: Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

Wow, they speak this way in front of your daughter?

I would take them aside and tell them...I'm not telling you what to believe or think because you are entitled to your own opinions but please don't talk this way in front of Sarah. We don't speak this way in front of her and we would appreciate it if you could do the same.

Edited to say...there's no need to sugar coat anything...tell her what you feel...she's your daughter and you don't want her growing up listening to these things.

Message edited 3/20/2006 10:30:41 AM.

Re: Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

Posted by Stefanie

Wow, they speak this way in front of your daughter?

I would take them aside and tell them...I'm not telling you what to believe or think because you are entitled to your own opinions but please don't talk this way in front of Sarah. We don't speak this way in front of her and we would appreciate it if you could do the same.

Edited to say...there's no need to sugar coat anything...tell her what you feel...she's your daughter and you don't want her growing up listening to these things.

Re: Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

Thanks. One of them is coming for a visit in the very near future and I'm very anxious. I really hate confrontation, but don't want my kids turning out to be as nasty as their kids are.

Re: Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

I would add that you don't speak that way OR believe that way - and you'd like it if they would respect your beliefs enough to not talk that way in front of her.

I have to say that not only do we not say things like this in front of our kids, we don't remotely think this way. Yet, Joseph told his teacher that he was "sitting between a brown kid & a yellow kid and that's disgusting." We were sickened when we heard it. We still haven't figured out where he would have gotten the notion, particularly because one of his favorite friends at school is black - and two of my friends (and their kids) are hispanic.

Good luck!

Re: Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

Re: Need advice on how to broach a sensitive subject with family members

Posted by Stefanie

Wow, they speak this way in front of your daughter?

I would take them aside and tell them...I'm not telling you what to believe or think because you are entitled to your own opinions but please don't talk this way in front of Sarah. We don't speak this way in front of her and we would appreciate it if you could do the same.

Edited to say...there's no need to sugar coat anything...tell her what you feel...she's your daughter and you don't want her growing up listening to these things.