Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

I need some advice on how to handle this - its not a huge issue but it really bothers me.

First off, MIL is a piece of work (in general) she talks bad about people all the time...including her own son in law. She puts down her husband, etc.

My entire pregnancy she questioned everything I did (basically told me I was doing it wrong). She called DH time and time again to tell him she was worried I was HURTING The baby!!! I was furious...

But anyway, now that DD is here, she calls all the time with STUPID advice...and thinks Im a total idiot.

But my problem is this - she wants to see us just about every day and when she sees us she is always telling me to wake Katie up so she can hold her, etc. I refuse this. (DH agrees). But when MIL does get her hands on the baby she slobbers all over her with BIG WET kisses. I see wet slobber marks all over the baby's face! It is SO GROSS. I wash the baby's face over and over again thinking the woman will get the hint but she doesnt. Now, our neice (who is 16) is following in MIL footsteps and slobbering all over Katie.

It is SO GROSS and IM worried about germs and all - she is too little - only had her Hep B shots and she is 6 wks old.

I told DH there is so much saliva on DDs face that MIL may as well just LICK her instead of kissing her.

Sorry so long...but how to I put a stop to this? I'm thinking as DH to handle it because if I say anything to MIL she will really get mad.

Message edited 6/12/2006 12:34:35 PM.

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

could you tell her that the baby gets a rash from too much saliva? I know it's a long shot.

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

You obviously can't tell your MIL that you don't want her kissing your daughter because then she'll come out with something ridiculous like you're not letting her love her granddaughter.

I'd have your DH tell her about the slobbering. If it's bothering him too, then he should say something....tell him the she'll listen to him over you.

Then you could look at it anther way...you're the mom...you can tell her your rules...whether she likes it or not.

I told my MIL to get her fingers out of Jared's mouth.

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

I agree w/ Stefanie. Your DH should say something to your MIL.
My MIL came to visit last weekend and was doing things to the baby I didn't like either. DH did say something.
It sounds like she lives near you. Good Luck!!!

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

Hmmm...I'm not sure I'm a good one to ask since I've scared my MIL (unless you'd like to do the same). She just made some remark in an email that I didn't get one good picture of Joseph holding his soccer trophy. I emailed her back with "Watch it or you'll be off the email list of pictures."

I would take your new motherhood role in stride & use it to assert who is in charge. I would respond with to her suggestions with "Thanks, but I've got it." or "I know what I'm doing" (even when you don't) - throw out the pediatrician's name at will, even if it's lying, ie "Dr. Cavanagh said the best xyz"-- and for the slobbering thing I would use a combo pediatrician/rash excuse.

As for the 16 year old, put that foot down. Say something along the lines of "You need to watch when you kiss her - the pediatrician said she's still very vulnerable to illness with a new immune system"

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

First of all, why would someone slobber all over someone elses baby? Thats just wrong.

Only I can slobber all over my baby!!!

btw...its true, babies can get rashes from too much saliva on their face. Next time they try to slobber on the baby, put some lotion on her face so that they get a big mouthful of ICKY

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

I would not make time for her everyday and thus cut out the slobbering issue. I think it is awful that she tries to make you feel stupid. Why do you see her so often?
You can say to her "oh, the doctor mentioned that we need to be very careful about face kisses because she is so small a cold could result in something much more serious". Tough if she doesn't like it.

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

Excellent idea ladies!! Katie actually has some baby acne, you cant see it so much as you can feel it on her face. I'll tell MIL that it's from too much SLOBBERING (but I'll put it nicely)! This is great! I'll tell Dh this is the plan and he'll go along with it, I'm sure.

We're seeing them on Sat for Father's Day so I'll put my plan in to play then! Yay I'm so relieved to have SOMETHING to say to her to get her to stop.

Oh...we see them so much because they drop by....or insist on making plans one full day of each wk end because they want to see us (the really want to see the baby...not so much "us"). I do understand it...but I just can't help it, I don't like them much They even made ME host Mother's Day - my very first Mother's Day when Katie was only 14 days old. They didn't offer to help either (but that's another post...LOL)

THANK YOU for the suggestion!! Great idea! Once again, LIF to the rescue!
Kathy

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

Let us know what her reaction is...I hope she takes it well...

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

Keep in mind as the mother of THE GRANDCHILD, you have more power than anyone else. They need to be nice to you for access. There I go giving advice on how to be a b!tchy DIL. Uh oh... Ignore me..

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

Posted by nrthshgrl

Keep in mind as the mother of THE GRANDCHILD, you have more power than anyone else. They need to be nice to you for access. There I go giving advice on how to be a b!tchy DIL. Uh oh... Ignore me..

Re: Need Advice of How to Handle MIL Situation

I went through something similar with my mom and her perfume. She kept wearing perfume even after I asked her not to. She insisted it was only a little but it was so strong and then the baby smelled like her gross perfume instead of baby.
One day she watched her for a little bit and Miranda was sleeping on her and she woke up with a rash on the side of her face that was touching my mom. I told my mom that she is allergic to perfume and to please not wear it around her anymore. Thank god she finally got the hint.
Its so awkward to have to tell people these things.