Did you and DH ever discuss adoption before marriage?

I was wondering if you and DH ever discussed the idea of adoption before you got married? Did you both have the same views on it or did one of you need more time to come to the decision? Did you discuss domestic and international adoption? Did you both have the same ideas on that too?

Since I was a teenager I always thought international adoption was something I wanted to do. Before Scott and I got married we discuss becoming parents and what if's. Since very close friends were having infertility issues, we discussed our views on how far we would go medically with TTC. Of course, not being in the situation did make the discussion easier since there were no real emotions at the time about the issue. KWIM? We both said we would want to adopt in the event that we could not have bioligical children or would need to go through extensive medical procedures to have children.
Even though I got pregnant very easily, the actual pregnancy was a difficult road for me..and in some ways for Scott. But after the surgery, the PPD/PTS, therapy, another surgery, lasting medical conditions from the c/s..it was really hard to think about going through it all again. Of course, I would walk through fire for my daughter. But did we want to walk the road again? We decided that adoption was a perfect way to add our second child to our family. It took us some time to figure out which country but once I said, "What about Ethiopia" it was like it clicked for us. And here we are....on our journey waiting for our son.
The funny thing is that I feel like I could go through a pregnancy again now because this adoption journey has given me some new strength and helped heal some of my emotional wounds. I think it was truly meant to be just this way.

Re: Did you and DH ever discuss adoption before marriage?

Yes! Joe and I talked about adoption early on in our dating stages. I had an idea that it would be hard for me to get pregnant or that I'd have a rough pregnancy bc of my sisters, so that may be part of the reason why, but deep down, adoption just always seemed right to me. I used to bring it up alot and Joe was always on board but said, "let's cross that bridge when we get there." He always wanted to adopt one and have one biological. Once I started having fertility issues, the alternative was clear. We both agreed on international from the get-go, but thought we'd adopt from China. It was only after our extensive research that we switched to Korea. We're so excited!

Re: Did you and DH ever discuss adoption before marriage?

Yes, we did discuss it while dating, even very early on, I was a bit opposed to it b/c I wanted a biological child. but now, wow, it's is great and I think deep down this was the way it was going to be.

Re: Did you and DH ever discuss adoption before marriage?

We're not married and we've discussed it a lot. I've always wanted to adopt, and FH agreed, even though it wasnt part of his own plan. He asked me to agree to have at least one biological child, but that's a choice we'll make for sure later. I'm not sure if I really want to go trhough being prrgo with my back problems, plus I've been told that b/c of my back there's a good cance I'd need a c-section. So we're definitey going to adopt. For me it was a conversation we had to have because I feel that i NEED to adopt.

Re: Did you and DH ever discuss adoption before marriage?

I'm not in the process of doing an adoption now, but yes we did talk about it while dating, and yes I have strong instinct that there will be an international adoption in our future.

Actually I just gave birth to our first child three weeks ago after a great pregnancy and a pretty easy c-section. But... it took a long time to conceive him, we did fertility treatment that didn't work, and he was conceived during the month we were taking a "break"... it was a total fluke. So needless to say I have zero faith that I'll be able to conceive again, but we always dreamed of having 2 or 3 children. We don't want to deal with fertility treatments anymore in the future (had a bad experience) so if trying the old-fashioned way doesn't work, we're going straight to int'l adoption.

It's soooo important to know where your partner stands on stuff like adoption and fertility treatment before you get married!

Re: Did you and DH ever discuss adoption before marriage?

Dh and I have discussed it. My husband was adopted when he was only 8 days old.

I have always had a problemwith my cycle.
We will be trying to conceive this summer, so only time will tell if I can get pregnant.

If we have to deal with infertility, we would def look into adoption. My secret wish would be to adopt a girl from China.

Message edited 4/20/2006 9:20:18 PM.

Re: Did you and DH ever discuss adoption before marriage?

We discussed it before we got married. My DH was not as open to it as I would have liked, but now his eyes are more open, although he would still like a biological child, an adopted child is definetely in our future. I think it helped to meet my brother, who is adopted, Chris has become such great friends with him, that he even asked him to be in our wedding. SO now that he has seen full circle what adopting a child can mean, I think it is something he would like to do as much as I do.