I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

Okay, I have to vent somewhere...

So we are going to Philly tomorrow to celebrate my grandmother's birthday and I decided to surprise her by telling her that we are pregnant (it will be the first great-grandchild).

I have been VERY clear with my parents that I don't want ANYONE to know about the pregnancy until we EXPLICITLY tell them it's okay to tell.

(We've been through 2 miscarriages and IVF, so I'm wary.)

So today my mom sends me an email saying that she told Grandmom last week and oh, Uncle Bob and Aunt Diane know that we were having some trouble, but nothing more than that.

Um....why??? I told you not to tell anyone. And we haven't decided yet if we are going to tell people that we went through IVF.

I call her and say "Why did you tell?" and she says "They asked."

And then I say "I would have liked to tell them myself and I think that the fact that we did IVF is intensely personal."

And she says "Oh well, too late. We have to go to Walmart now."

And HANGS UP!!!

I don't even want to go to Philly now. I'm so mad.

I feel like cutting her off from any more info about us. I just feel betrayed and that she has no regard for my feelings.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

sorry I'd be ****** too! and I agree with you about limiting future information.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

I'm so sorry you're going thru this, Lauren. Your mom had no right to betray your confidence like that. It's even sadder that she ruined the surprise for your grandmother too. I'm sure she would've loved hearing the news from you rather than your mom. IVF is intensely personal, and she should've respected your decision whether or not to reveal that.

I'm mad too!!! And I'm NOT going to Philly either.....

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

I am sorry she did that to you

Is there a way for you to talk to your mom and explain to her that this really hurt you? She knows you have been trying sooooooo hard for soooo long, that didn't she think that telling everyone that you were pregnant - would be very exciting for you?
I would tell her how you feel. And say to her, that you asked her not to say anything.
And I would also tell her - it is no ones business how you got pregnant - it is way to personal in my opinion. And that she is NOT to share that info with anyone. I would also tell her - if she is going to betray you in this way in the future, that you are not going to be able to tell her things in the future.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

So sorry your mom has ruined this for you. Try not to get too upset, the older generation for some reason thinks it is OK for them to talk about all our private stuff - not THEIR private stuff of course!!

I hope everything works out OK Lauren..

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

Ugh my Mom does stuff like this too!! I find I censor what I tell her or I clearly spell out that she is to tell NO ONE!!

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

Lauren, Im sorry.

I "kinda" understand cause my mom TELLS everyone everything. Everyone at her JOB has seen my embryo pics

and I just had to "Deal" with it somehow. And I know everyones gonna know 5 seconds after we announce someday our news.


One thing....DO NOT LET this hinder being excited to tell people and int he big picture, let her KNOW she hurt you, reitterate it till she understands ( hopefully) and then try to move on.

UGHH...parents!

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

That really stinks. I'm so sorry that she did that to you. She had no right. I would definitely tell her how angry you are with her about it. I would also tell her that now you don't want to tell her anything else & you don't trust her anymore. I know you just wanted to vent and probably don't care what I would do. Sorry I stuck my 2 cents in there. I hope tomorrow goes ok.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

That really stinks- I would be p****d too! You definitely have to let her know how this makes you feel. My mom would pull something like that and even though I feel I'm close with her, I have had to draw a line on how much info. I share with her and when.
I'm sorry this happened to you.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

My MIL did the to me the first time around. Unfortunately, that time it ended in a MC which of course made it 10 times worse - now everyone knew!!

When I got pregnant this time, I waited until about 15 weeks to tell her (same time I was ready to tell everyone else). She didn't understand why I told her so late, but she ruined it the first time - I wasn't going to let it happen again!

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

Im so sorry.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

My mother is the same way. I catch her so many times telling other people my business and sharing other's secrets with me.

The last time this happened...I threw a little "jewish guilt" her way and said, "Well, you have proven to me once and for all that you can't be trusted, so now you will know as much as anyone else. Sorry to make you feel like a stranger, but you brought this upon yourself. You will know when everyone else finds out. I feel sad that I can't come to you with my problems in the future, I thought that's what moms were all about. I guess I will just have to go to my MIL in the future!"

If you could see her face! It was priceless!

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

I'm sorry. I'd be really upset too.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

I am sorry, she had no right to tell.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

I'd be really upset too! I'm really sorry that your mom betrayed your trust like that. I would probably still go to Phillie, it's not your grandmas fault that your mom spilled the beans. However I know that I would have a serious talk with my mom about her lack of respect. Any infertility issues you have dealt with are you and your DH's private business and it wasn't fair for her to share that information with anyone.

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

I'm sorry that your mom took away from you telling and the fact that you didn't want everything about your PG publicized to everyone. I would definitely talk to her!

Re: I am so annoyed at my mother right now...

Thank you everyone!

I will definitely try to talk to her. My family isn't great with dealing with emotions.

They are ostriches and they stick their head in the sand until the bad stuff passes.

I'm sure she'll just act like nothing happened today.

Donna - you crack me up!!! You're not going to Philly either.

And Nicole, you're right, it's not my grandmother's fault, so we're still going to go. But I'm not looking forward to the confrontation.

Thanks again. It's nice to know that I'm not overreacting.