working or staying home (long)

Before I ask my question, I don't want this to turn into a struggle between work moms and stay at home moms. I am just going through anxiety debating this issue on my own.
If you had a career prior to being a mom, did you antagonize the fact that you might have to stay home for an extended period of time with your baby? Or did you welcome the experience of staying at home. I ask because this weekend I found myself folding my husband's clothes and wondering if this is why went to school and I am struggling to get my career jump started. My dh saw i looked sad and i told him why, he says "what is so bad about being a housewife and staying at home with the baby, you should be happy"

Re: working or staying home (long)

Well i had a job not a career before the baby, and now I see it is not worth paying someone else.. I didn't have a super salary and we got by on just mine for the last year so I am going to try it out being a stay at home mom,,

I will also be keeping myself busy, i am taking a class in oct for my certification in day care...

Working is not for everyone and staying home is not for everyone so you have to do what is right for you and your family..

Re: working or staying home (long)

I think this really comes down to being a personal decision on what is best for you and your family. I work FT and while I enjoy the adult interaction, I truly wish I could work PT to have more time at home. But I also know that I would not be happy to be a SAHM, and that I am definitley a better mom overall becuase I work. My DD has gotten so many great benifits too, she has a very close relationship with both sets of grandparents, and her cousins who my mom also watchs, as well as interacting great with other kids at the sitter. Not sure if I answered the question, but dont feel guilty if being a SAHM is not for you.

Re: working or staying home (long)

Re: working or staying home (long)

I barely started my career when I got pregnant with ds. I got my masters in elem ed, just finished student teaching and started subbing when I found out I was pregnant. I subbed through my pregnancy and had ds at the end of last summer. I did sub occasionally last year (when my mother could babysit b/c daycare just wouldn't have been worth it $$). I have now accepted an offer to work 2 days a week at my old job (NOTHING to do with teaching although my boss said I can have off to sub when they call me on mondays - the day my mom babysits) so I can stay home with my son the rest of the week. I work 5 minutes from home and go home to see him at lunch which is great. It makes me happy b/c I get out of the house a couple days a week, I am having family watch him so it's not costing too much $, and I'm making a little extra cash. I do often think that I am wasting my degree and it kills me (and dh) to write out those loan payments monthly but right now I am doing what is best for myself and my family. I love being home with him as much as I am

Would I have gone back to work if I was established in a career -teaching job- when I got pregnant....most likely yes but I can't say I would have been overly happy about it. You have to do what's best for you.

Message edited 8/21/2006 11:53:39 AM.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I had a hard time leaving my work behind, but it was the right choice for my family.

One thing I'd worry about -- your husband shouldn't think staying home is a easy, happy experience. I think going to work would have been easier on me personally!

Re: working or staying home (long)

I think everyone does what's best for their family and their situation. I just enjoy my career too much to stay home with Ava. But even if I didn't, financially, it just wouldn't work for me to stay home right now. We're both young and starting out in our fields for the most part, so it's just not doable for us. I like my job, and I think it's the healthiest option for ME to be working.

Re: working or staying home (long)

Hi, I understand your feelings 100%. I have a college degree and was in the Pharmaceutical business before dd was born 2 years ago. I planned on taking my maternity leave and then going back to work. As it got closer and closer to my return date, I was falling apart. I couldn't leave her all day. So after a lot of tears, a few fights and a lot of discussion, we decided I would stay home as long as we could afford it. Thankfully my husband is doing well at his job, so I have cut back on spending, but not really struggling too much....

About 6 months ago, I started to go crazy from boredom. I have really been missing, work, other adults, dressing well and having extra money. I have been really glad to have time with my daughter, but I wish I could have worked part time- see if maybe it is an option for you. That would be the best of both worlds- you can still be with your baby and have contact with the outside world...Don't be sad- Good Luck!

Re: working or staying home (long)

Message edited 2/8/2007 2:57:11 PM.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I work PT and it's the best i get out of the house for 3 days a week Fri, sat and Mon and then I have the rest of the days with the girls. Like it was said this is a personal decision as to whats best for your family and you.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I would honestly love to work at least part-time. I think it is absolutely wonderful for moms who stay home full-time, and it is honestly the hardest job ever, so I give an unbelievable amount of credit to those who do it.

I am currently a SAHM, but my son is only 3 1/2 months old. I gave my notice at work, but I am already starting to get the itch to work. I had a very nice career before I had my son, and enjoyed where I worked very much.

If I had family to watch my son, I would go back at least part-time, in a heartbeat. I just wish I had that option.

Sorry, very long. I just wanted you to know that I felt the same as you.... I can totally relate.

BUT, now, I am happy I get to stay home with my son....but I think I will want to work again at some point soon.

Re: working or staying home (long)

Message edited 2/8/2007 2:57:24 PM.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I enjoy being a SAHM 99% of the time. I dind't have a career but I do miss sometimes the caios I delt with everyday and the adult interaction. I love seeing all the new things that DS does on a daily basis and it would hurt me to know that someone else is enjoying that. I will say that if I did have family to watch him I would go back to work part time.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I was pretty established in my teaching career when my baby was born. I do enjoy my job, but the main reason I am returning to work is financially we need the two incomes. If we didnt, I would love to stay home for his first year. I do feel better though that our parents will be watching him when I work.

Re: working or staying home (long)

Thank you ladies for all your encouraging words. I guess it hit me really hard when I realized that for most of my maternity leave I will depend on my dh to give me money and it just made me feel really sad. I have always been very independent so the thought scared me.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I have kind of a different situation where I work from home. I actually moved to Ohio while pregnant from Dallas and had to quit my job. But about a year later, my old boss called and offered me a p/t job working from home. But I do not feel like I went back to work, rather I feel like a SAHM that has even more to do than normal.

I absolutely miss the adult interaction, shopping at Ann Taylor for my work clothes, lunches, happy hours, etc. I do think that I will go back to work full time in my field when the kids get older and are in school.

So right now, I am very thankful that I make good money and can stay home with Jack. My schedule allows me to work whenever and I am not stuck to 9-5 hours. So for now, I am happy since I will not have hole in my resume and I can stay home. BUT, deep down, I want to someday go back to work, get dressed every morning and continue my career.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I work full time from home so I have the "best" of both worlds if you can call it that....it means sometimes I work very long days and get no time to myself but for me its working for now. I love the fact that I can be with my DD all day and get to see her grow right in front of my eyes. My mom stayed at home with all of us and I hope to be able to do that for as long as possible with DD and future kids.

I have asked myself the question "what if I had no choice and had to work outside the home and leave DD in daycare" the answer is that I would hate it but if we needed the money then I would just suck it up.

If we could afford it right now then I would give up work and be a full time SAHM.

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Re: working or staying home (long)

I have a college degreed career and I work 12 hours a week so it's very PT. I planned this from when I was very young. I knew I wanted to be home with my children as much as I could. I feel as though I still contribute to the house and still feel like a professional as well. We are able to live a little more comfortable with my salary but could probably manage without it. Being able to stay home while owning a home on LI is truly a luxury, (esp. those that have bought in the last few years). But if being home doesn't make you happy then that's not good either. You have to do what works for you and your family.

Message edited 8/21/2006 4:53:46 PM.

Re: working or staying home (long)

First, let me say I HATE the term "housewife". I didn't marry a house. Second, this a very personal decision. If you are not content staying at home and you don't feel complete, then, maybe, something is missing and that something may be a career. Not all women like to stay at home. The important thing is how you feel. If going back to work makes you happy and that, in turn, makes you feel that you would be a more secure parent, then you should follow your instincts. In the end, your child will be happier if you are happier.

Re: working or staying home (long)

I HAVE to work and dont want to. But from reading your post, it really seems like you want to go back to work. You can always try, and if you find you'd rather be home, then quit!

Good luck with your decision!

Re: working or staying home (long)

Re: working or staying home (long)

I am on maternity leave now and am scheduled to return to work on January 30- DD will be exactly 6 months old. I have to go back to work for financial reasons & am dreading it. I would really like to take off an entire year, then return to work. But that's not an option for us. However, I don't know how I would feel about being home indefinitely and not planning to return to work at all.