Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

from family..


I proudly admit... Im a mommas' girls... I see her pretty much everyday... and we talk on the phone at the very least- 4 times a day... even if we are "fighting"

Originally- the deal was- wherever we moved... my family would follow... (not around the corner- but close by)

Well- my dad came home... and applied for some promotion, and got it.. so it looks like they are staying....

I cant fathom the thought of only seeing her at holidays.... and a few visits through out the year....

I dont think she ever thought I would go w/o her... and when I called her to tell her about this womans call today- my mom broke down in tears.... saying "Im all she's got- I cant leave her"- and my response was... well you could always buy me house here- and Ill stay

)


My parents marriage ain't the greatest and well- we all know the struggles she has with my brothers... I wouldnt be surprised if she left them all to be with me...

ANyways- my questions is... how did you do it?? When did it get easier? How bad did it get before it got better?


TIA...

Message edited 8/12/2006 7:17:26 PM.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

you know my deal.....we've been down here 2 years and my sister has come down 4 times, my dad/stepmom 1, and dad is coming in 2 1/2 weeks for all of a day and a half since it's a business trip. Grams has been here twice. I've been to NY 2 times. I'm a BIG time Daddy's Girl and part of him died when I walked out of the house. I know he misses me terribly and when I was up in NY, I cried and told him I wanted to come back to NY because of how much I hated being away from him (great...here come the tears again). At the same time, I think being this far away makes us all closer too.

It is SO hard being away from the ones you love most and you do miss them....each and every day..I still do. Some days I cry about it. I'd say the first year was bad, like I'd get really depressed over being lonely, missing them, etc. When I'm bored, I wish I could grab coffee with my sis or bum around the outlets with Grams. when I need a shoulder to cry on, I wish my dad was a 20 min car ride away.

But in the same respect, knowing that you're creating a life for your own family to be proud of, to live a life you dreamed of, is worth it.

For me, it's a bit easier....they are following me down here. Grams' apt. is being built as I type, my sis is saving $$ to get down here to be a teacher, and if and when my dad & stepmom divorce, I'm pretty sure he'll find his way here too.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

I am super close to my family. DH and I lived with them for almost 5 years. We do everything together. Seriously. DH and my brother managed a restaurant while my 2 sisters and brother's girlfriend worked there. They would travel to the city together, travel home, and live together. No conflicts in almost 5 years.

That being said, I know our bond is strong enough that distance will not effect it. My parents were okay with me moving, until I announced I was pregnant. They were crushed.

They came around, they are both glad that Leo is on board with me staying at home with the baby or working. My mother knows if we stayed in NY, I would have to work, and my commute was killer.

Its a 10 hour drive back home. not that bad. I use to drive NY to FL solo, so I am not scared to take the baby up solo for the week. We talk on the phone a lot.

I moved in June, I can't tell you the amount of times that I have seen my family since.

I know its going to hurt when I see babies and their grandmothers together, but we just have to have a different type relationship. My parents still have kids in HS in SI, so they are stuck there for awhile even if they wanted to move.

good luck! oh yeah, one of these days we are going to have a great Charlotte g2g. I can't wait to meet the others who are down here. we are all in the same boat.

And, they will never close the state doors to NY, it will always be there. Move, build equity, give it 5 years, then see what happens.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

another thought...your DH will be your one and only when you move. Best friend, only friend, only family, only support, only person you will know in your town.....at first. when you want to meet people, and need to meet people you will. I don't turn down any invitations. I have gone to starbucks in charlotte 3 times already with strangers.

one girl I met at motherhood maternity, one at the mall, and another is a receptionist at my dr. office.

Dh and I have double dated with a couple we met at the grocery store.

ETA: sorry, another thing I thought of..my first week in NC, I went into shock. So overwhelmed, I hated looking out the window into darkness, I did not know what was out there. I fmed Meghanmetz who had made the move a year earlier, and she was great. I swear in that moving truck, I just kept telling myself Meghan did it, I will be fine, its been done

Message edited 8/12/2006 8:25:52 PM.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

I am really far from home and basically see my parents twice a year (that was before baby came, at this very moment my mother is outside in the rain gardening for me) I feel very close to my family and even though the distance is far, I know they are always a phone call away and I could hop on a plane usually within a few hours and be home door to door in about 8 hours, so to me the distance is not so bad.

The most important thing for me was to go out and find a career that I enjoyed, within that I met LOADS of people and really great lifetime friends. Once I had the baby, I was out the door once he was 6 weeks old meeting people and initiating friendships. I met some girls with babies and then had a coffee morning, which broke the ice for all the other girls to start doing the same. Now, during the summer months we meet up at organised baby groups 1/2 times a week and then meet up independantly pretty much most days. I think that you will find people who are in the same situation as yourself who are looking for the same kind of friendships, so that will fall into place.

My husband is a support, but guess what...sometimes he isn't enough for me, that when I call my friends, my mother, my sister....

I think the thing to remember is that although the physical being might not be there, the support of the family unit can span space and time.

I never found being far away from home difficult, I always thrived in it. I think that absence (and distance) does indeed make the heart grow fonder! I think that if you have something else to focus your energies on, it gets easier!!!

Message edited 8/13/2006 6:33:41 AM.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

I'm glad to hear the other ladies are so positive about their moves, despite how hard it may have been in the beginning. I have to be honest and give you a little bit of the other side of things Marissa.

I didn't move, but most of my family and DH's family has. My mom and all my aunts and cousins with whom I am very close and have lived near to all my life all moved to FL before my wedding. My Mom actually moved the day before I got engaged. DH's parents and siblings live in NC.

For me the hardest part has been seeing Jake go through the first year of his life only seeing his grandmothers a handful of times a year for very quick visits. My mom has been up here several times but it always feels rushed and like not enough time. I adore my ILs and my SIL has two children, one who is just a couple of months older than Jake and it breaks my heart that they can't grow up together like me and my cousins did.

Sure, I was sad to see them all go but it didn't get harder for me until Jake was born. Now maybe my case is different because I'm not the one who moved but we've thought about moving to be closer to them. And it's just not the right thing for us to do for our family right now. Knowing that we are doing what is right for our little family right now IS a comforting thought and it is what keeps us here in NY. If you have that where ever you move then I think you'll be okay.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

I've been living abroad for about 2 1/2 years now and it's still really hard for me. I had a total breakdown this past weekend actually.

I make it home about 4 times a year and so far, my parents have been to see me once. They had been planning another trip for FEbruary, but I'm not sure if I can persuade them to get on a plane at this point.

I'm not sure how I would feel if I lived in the States, I'm inclined to think it would be easier for me. I talk to my parents twice a week on the phone, and email with my mother during the day, but it's hard to get ourselves organised because of the time change. I have few good girlfriends here and my DH isn't particularly very close to his family. This sounds silly, but I have a hard time finding things that comfort me at home - whether it's particular food or TV show or even Walmart (I know it's bizarre!)

I think what's most difficult for me is not having someone to vent to when I'm really upset or depressed about being here. My English friends don't understand, partly I don't want to offend or upset my DH and partly, it's nto fair to him to complain so much about living here when I'm fully expecting him to move to the States indefinitely in about a year and a half, and my mother is so against my being here in the first place that when I vent to her, it's used against me in the future.

I don't know what to tell you, really...I don't want to be negative, but it's hard for me, and soemtimes the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that we're going to be moving back to the States eventually...

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

I spent most of my child away from one parents for months at a time... so I guess it doesn't phase me as much (Lived in NY for the school year... spent the entire summer with my father 300 miles away... 7 weeks away from mom).

There are times when I really do miss my mom... but, honestly, I don't really depend on her for much, and visa versa. We talk once, maybe twice a week, and that's fine.

I live close to my Dad and step-mom now... as well as my Aunt, and that's nice to see them more often... especially since I didn't really see them much growing up.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

Well, I moved away from my mom in April. It was one of the hardest things I had to do so far in life. I'm crying now....

My mom and are very, very close. We talk every single day. At least twice a day. Even when I'm down and need to cry about how hard it is I still call her to vent. I don't know if I will everget used to living away from "home" because every time we say good-bye it's just as bad as the first time. But, she knows we're very happy out here. I think that makes it easier for us. We try to look at the positive side of things and not on the distance. We see each other every two months and that's the pact we made. So far we've kept our promise. It's not an easy choice to make, but you manage to get through it.

Re: Spinoff of my other posts... (those who have moved away)

I went away for college, so was used to not being home or seeing my parents regularly. I was only 4 hrs away, so I went home at least once a month.

I moved to Chicago 2 months after I graduated college. While it was hard being away from home and moving to a place where I had no family, it's what I needed to do for myself. The first 6 months were hard, I talked to my mom at least twice a day. Fast forward 7 years and it's hard at times, but you make do. I see my family at least 5 or 6 times a year. I either go home or my mom will come here.

Since I've had Nate, my mom comes to Chicago every 2-3 months. We've been able to get some great deals on airfare (less than $125 roundtrip) so we buy 2 tickets at a time.

Message edited 8/16/2006 10:18:14 AM.