LIFamilies.com - Long Island, NY


RSS
Articles Business Directory Blog Real Estate Community Forum Shop My Family Contests

Log In Chat Index Search Rules Lingo Create Account

Quick navigation:   

Question for SAHMs

Posted By Message

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Question for SAHMs

Do you feel yourself constantly having to justify and defend your decision to others?

Last night DH's friend was saying how it is too bad that I want to sah and how much we are going to miss my income. Poor DH defended me till the end. But I get this a lot and we don't even have kids. It is in our plan that I will SAH, but I get this from everyone, even my grandmother. I would never say a word to a mother with an outside job, so how come people are allowed to say it to me?

At what point did mothers who want to have a full time role in raising their child have to go on the defensive? thanks, just a little rant.Chat Icon

Posted 8/5/05 11:31 AM
 
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource

Tany
Becoming a different woman

Member since 5/05

24460 total posts

Name:
Tania

Re: Question for SAHMs

Well you know if it was up to me and if we had enough money, i would love to stay with Alia. Although I'm only planning to get a part time job. I have never had to justify my reasonings, I was greatly surprised that people were happy and very supportive of my decision.
Ultimately, it's you and your husband's decision. Everyone else should mind their own business.

Posted 8/5/05 11:37 AM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Question for SAHMs

Posted by Aliasmom

Everyone else should mind their own business.



definitely. It is like the running joke among our friends, how lazy I am and can't wait to go into retirementChat Icon meanwhile, I work longer hours then them, commute to get more money, and wait tables from time to time on the weekends. So it is not that I am not a worker, just that I want to be a homemaker. DH is fine with it. He does not want us working split schedules then we will never see each other.

Posted 8/5/05 11:42 AM
 

Tany
Becoming a different woman

Member since 5/05

24460 total posts

Name:
Tania

Re: Question for SAHMs

Posted by Janice

Posted by Aliasmom

Everyone else should mind their own business.



definitely. It is like the running joke among our friends, how lazy I am and can't wait to go into retirementChat Icon meanwhile, I work longer hours then them, commute to get more money, and wait tables from time to time on the weekends. So it is not that I am not a worker, just that I want to be a homemaker. DH is fine with it. He does not want us working split schedules then we will never see each other.



Well I commend you for wanting to be a wife and a mom, it's hard work but if that's what you really want, you shouldn't let other people's opinions affect your decision.Chat Icon

Posted 8/5/05 11:52 AM
 

JenniferEver
The Disney Lady

Member since 5/05

18163 total posts

Name:
Jennifer

Re: Question for SAHMs

My mom has dealt with it for her entire life!

Posted 8/5/05 12:22 PM
 

Leeners
:)

Member since 5/05

4898 total posts

Name:
Eileen

Re: Question for SAHMs

I think it goes both ways. I do understand that SAHM's get comments about them being 'lazy' or whatever but working moms get many comments about them working and how a child needs his mother. I think it's a topic that most people feel very strongly about, one way or another, so it's going to evoke controversy.

Just do what works best for you and tell anyone who has a problem with it to go scratch Chat Icon

Posted 8/5/05 12:27 PM
 

CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!

Member since 5/05

14021 total posts

Name:

Re: Question for SAHMs

I'm not a mom yet but do plan on having kids. We are lucky enough that I will probably be able to stay at home should I choose to. I think most people who comment about SAHM and their "not" working or losing "income" really have no experience whatsoever with raising kids. Being a mom, whether you work outside the home or not, is always a full time job and you never get a break either. As far as income is concerned, sometimes it is a better financial decision to have one parent stay at home. There are costs associated with working (clothes, commute, day care) as well a tax liabilities. I commend you on your choice!

Posted 8/5/05 12:52 PM
 

dpli
Daylight savings :)

Member since 5/05

13973 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Question for SAHMs

I would love to be a SAHM and always thought I would. It is very hard work running a household a raising children. Now, with the price of houses, I don't think we can do that if we want to buy a house. In addition, my job is the more secure one, with excellent benefits, and it really wouldn't make sense for me to be the one to stay home. I have also worked very hard for my degrees and think I would miss working at least part time. So we'll see what happens.

I always say, as women, we would be a lot better off if we supported one another in the personal decisions we make, if they are right for us, rather than tear each other down. I think it is a difficult decision to make and I don't think most people make it lightly.

Posted 8/5/05 1:03 PM
 

ddunne2
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

4189 total posts

Name:
Doreen

Re: Question for SAHMs

For those people that do go back to work and choose to judge SAHM they should really try it for a few weeks and see that many work twice as hard than at their old 9-5 office job...I know I do! Chat Icon

Posted 8/5/05 10:25 PM
 

btrflygrl
me and baby #3!

Member since 5/05

12013 total posts

Name:
Shana

Re: Question for SAHMs

In a perfect world, DH and I would love for me to stay home....I wa home for a few weeks this summer (without baby, just the dogs) and I was quite bored (I was also newly PG, so I was too tired to do anything).

We're hoping that DH gets a promotion/finds something better so that I could stay home, but right now I'm working off the books, banking the money, but I also have the opportunity to bring the baby with me to where I work.

I'll work as long as we need the money, but if there comes a time where we are good on one salary, then at home I'll stay until the kids are in school, then I'll work while they are there, and be home for them.

There is absolutely NO WAY any job is tougher than being a SAHM-it's 24/7, constantly running, thinking, organizing...sheesh...I hope I can handle it!!

Posted 8/6/05 8:26 AM
 

emilain
UNREAL!!!!!!!!

Member since 5/05

4457 total posts

Name:
Mama

Re: Question for SAHMs

Wait a minute, you are a Stay at home wife with no Kids?! That is GREAT! I never even heard of that. I know personally I would be so bored, unless I had a ton of money to always be out shopping and re-decorating, etc. I guess it is also because my friends are all young professionals and we were in school into our mid 20's and now have student loans, so we feel like we should be using our degrees.
I can tell you that I am having baby #3 any minute and it is MUCH EASIER on the days that I go to work! The days with the kids are HARD LABOR! Good for you, if you can afford not to work, why bother, I;d tell everyone to mind their own business, they're just jealous! Can I ask, what do you do all day though?

Posted 8/6/05 9:52 AM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Question for SAHMs

no, I work nowChat Icon no kids yet, but when they come I will stay at home.

Posted 8/6/05 10:19 AM
 

emilain
UNREAL!!!!!!!!

Member since 5/05

4457 total posts

Name:
Mama

Re: Question for SAHMs

Posted by Janice

no, I work nowChat Icon no kids yet, but when they come I will stay at home.



Good for you! I was thinking you stayed at home and had no kids, that sounded like a good deal to me!!! When you have kids you'll want to be home with them, it is the toughest but most fulfilling job you'll ever have!!Chat Icon

Posted 8/6/05 10:26 AM
 

cjb88
Little Brother

Member since 5/05

3540 total posts

Name:
C

Re: Question for SAHMs

i get attitudes and eye rolls because i want to not work on my summers off!! (im a teacher)

Posted 8/6/05 8:31 PM
 

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

Re: Question for SAHMs

I would love to be a SAHM!

I feel like I have to defend my choice to work before I found out I would be pregnant. People make comments about someone else raising your kids. But I have a great job, make a great salary and work great hours (I'm a corporate lawyer working 9-5). If I left, this job would not be waiting for me and I don't think I could find anything nearly as good.

ETA: After reviewing some other posts I just came to a conclusion- too many people have opinions on our lives. We all need to do what is best for us and our families. There is no "right" way to raise children. Each family needs to make that choice for themselves. We need to tell people to mind their own business!

Message edited 8/10/2005 3:37:16 PM.

Posted 8/10/05 3:34 PM
 

Ali1
Mommy

Member since 8/05

3116 total posts

Name:

Re: Question for SAHMs

I am not even preggo yet, but i can't begin to tell you the questions and stares i get from people when i say i want to go back to work after having kids, since my DH makes enough to well support the both of us. I would never judge another woman on her choice and it really bothers me that people do it to me.

For me i want to work because it's my identity and i know i won't be happy staying home all day. I have worked very hard to get to where i am today professionally and i don't want to give that up. My DH totally supports me on this and that is all that matters.

Posted 8/10/05 4:39 PM
 

emilain
UNREAL!!!!!!!!

Member since 5/05

4457 total posts

Name:
Mama

Re: Question for SAHMs

Posted by Ali1

For me i want to work because it's my identity and i know i won't be happy staying home all day. I have worked very hard to get to where i am today professionally and i don't want to give that up. My DH totally supports me on this and that is all that matters.



I totally agree with you, I am a "Mom" first, but my career is very important to me, I have gone through a lot of schooling and feel I need to stay in the work force to stay current with my profession. I work p/t at a hospital and have a private practice at night and I can tell you that I could never stay home 24/7 with the kids, they are with my Mom or my husband when I work so they get great diversity in their care, but being a SAHM is not for me, I see how bored my girlfriends are that are SAHM, the only ones that truly enjoy it are those who have babysitters and lots of money to be able to go out when they want, purchase anything they want, have lunch out all the time, etc. I would never judge anyone becasue of their decision, but it's just not for me to be a SAHM, I love what I do in my profession too much.

Posted 8/10/05 5:04 PM
 

justme1
Proud SAHM

Member since 5/05

1955 total posts

Name:
Jodi

Re: Question for SAHMs

Im a SAHM and I never had anyone look down on me for it.
How can u look down at any woman who devotes her life to her children?
JMO, its the most wonderful rewarding job anyone could have.

Posted 8/10/05 5:19 PM
 

IrishTracy
Believe!!

Member since 5/05

15167 total posts

Name:
Tracy

Re: Question for SAHMs

In the beginning I did. It was amazing to me how much people felt the need to criticize. It's not like I'm sitting home eating Bon bons. It's the toughest job to have. No sick days the pay su<ks! But, for me I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Posted 8/10/05 8:11 PM
 

NS1976
My princess!

Member since 5/05

6548 total posts

Name:

Re: Question for SAHMs

My mom was a SAHM since for all of my life. She has dealt with sooo much criticism because of it that its actually sad. Whenever anyone asks her occupation and she says "homemaker" or "mom" they just look at her and say.."you dont work?"...My mom always handles it beautifully by telling them.."I WORK MY *** OFF AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SWITCH JOBS, I DARE YOU FOR JUST ONE DAY!"..LOL

And its so true...my mom has always taken care of EVERYTHING! I too want to be a sahm if our financial status allows me too and I am sooo proud of my decision! To each his own...and in my life, staying home with my children is what I have always wanted to do!

I thank my mom all the time for staying home with us, and till this day she still says she would have never had it any other way.

Posted 8/10/05 11:45 PM
 

Erica
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

11767 total posts

Name:

Re: Question for SAHMs

I don't really hear anything, but I do plan on going back once we finish having kids and the last is in school. Maybe sooner...

Posted 8/10/05 11:47 PM
 

JennChris
life moves fast

Member since 5/05

4225 total posts

Name:
Jenn

Re: Question for SAHMs

I HATE when people say that I "DON'T WORK" because I am at home with 2 kids - Oh I work!Chat Icon It's a 24/7 job and the way I look at it, I am saving our family money by not having to pay for daycare, someone to cook, clean, do laundry... etc. - It's a personal decision, and something that other people should keep their noses out of!!

Posted 8/11/05 4:12 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: Question for SAHMs

I think people (outside LIF of course! Chat Icon) just need to realize that raising your children as a SAHM or working mom is entirely a personal decision, and neither is better than the other. Children raised with SAHM's turn out wonderfully, and so do children raised in daycare, and vice versa. I think how your children turn out have a whole heck of a lot more to do with many other factors than whether or not your mother worked or stayed at home.

I plan on working full-time after my maternity leave, and get so much crap about it! I would never dare judge a SAHM, and nor should a working mom be judged for her decision. Every woman has to do what's best for herself, her career and her personality. For me, I put countless hours, sweat, and tears into my profession, and though my children and family will always be #1, my career is in a very significant way a part of my identity, and I know that I would be a huge disservice to myself and my children if I stayed at home... but that's just who I am. Doesn't mean I'm right or wrong... ugh, it's hard enough as a woman to juggle everything, why do people have to put that extra pressure on top of it all by judging us??! GRRRR... Chat Icon

Posted 8/11/05 4:36 PM
 
 

Potentially Related Topics:

Topic Posted By Started Replies Forum
Another question for the SAHMs BabyAvocado 1/22/06 18 Parenting
I have a question and Forgive me post( another question on bottom) luvsbob4603 6/16/06 14 Families Helping Families ™
Another question before I become a mom- Hospital question Shelly 4/10/06 11 Parenting
This isnt a TTC question - more so a BCP question Gdesq 5/25/05 9 TTC
Another BF question Sorry! LuvMy2Girls 8/16/06 5 Parenting
Heloc question chellynyc 8/16/06 8 Home
 
Quick navigation:   
Currently 603559 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
New Businesses
1 More Rep
Carleton Hall of East Islip
J&A Building Services
LaraMae Health Coaching
Sonic Wellness
Julbaby Photography LLC
Ideal Uniforms
Teresa Geraghty Photography
Camelot Dream Homes
Long Island Wedding Boutique
MB Febus- Rodan & Fields
Camp Harbor
Market America-Shop.com
ACM Basement Waterproofing
Travel Tom

      Follow LIWeddings on Facebook

      Follow LIFamilies on Twitter
Long Island Bridal Shows