Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Read memos all the way through to the
end........

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the banquet
room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

**

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important
holiday which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to employees who are
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?

**

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How
am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

**

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
eating, drinking and sex during
daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end
of the party - the days are so short this time of year - or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of
Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women
will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything?

**

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter
Solstice...what do you expect me to do,
a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at
Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping"
employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???

**
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended
by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "*****," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at
Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on
Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?

**

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you
people!!! We're going to keep this
party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your damn
salad bar, including hydroponics tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!

**

FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat
Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Love it!!

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

that is hysterical

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

You could never be offensive Capt!

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

what about the agnostics who breath fire from their mouths??????????????????

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Posted by MrsERod



what about the agnostics who breath fire from their mouths??????????????????

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Posted by CaptainCharisma424

Posted by MrsERod



what about the agnostics who breath fire from their mouths??????????????????

we wait until good friday and meet them at the steakhouses

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

OMG how I can totally relate!!!!! I plan my company's annual holiday party and you want to know my bosses' biggest issue was that I wasn't having pigs in a blanket served

pigs in a blanket? what the XXXX!

Every year I end up sick as a dog from the stress! Totally agree!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

OMG - the funniest thing is unintentional - our HR Manager's name is Pat Lewis!!

And she would totally send emails out like this!!

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some

Re: Office Holiday Party -- Warning: May be Offensive to Some