Vent about a "friend"...LONG

I have this "best friend" whose been part of my life for about 10 years... We grow up together in church and school...

At the age of 14 I set her up with my HS boyfriends best friend (who was a dirt bag then...and now @ 23 still is...) needless to say they have been on and off (more off than on) ever since...

As we got older we drifted apart...but always kept in contact... She just got into some many bad things... I didnt even know where she (or they) were living half the time..

Needless to say about 2/3 yrs ago.. I decided to play good Sam... I got her to go and get her GED... helped and pushed her into going back to school..and I even got her a Full time job working with me (this all went on while her and her boyfriend were on a "break") I got her back into her parents house... and just back on the right track..

Well of course she ended up going back with the dirt bag...and soon dropped out of college..however kept her stats with the family and job...good!

SInce we've worked together...and shes been back with the jerk...our time outside of work has been limited... she is still up her boyfriend @ssho1e (as I like to put it) she does NOTHING w/o him...he's still into drugs and partying...has a job SOMETIMES...and yet there are signs of him cheating EVERYWHERE (hickys on his neck...she found other chicks underwear in his room, condom wrappers in his pockets...he's gross) I understand she dosent trust him...hence why she wants to spend every min. of her life with him..and I have been very sympathetic to her (despite the fact I think shes stupid for staying with such a JERK)

ANyways-when I got engaged she was all into my wedding...then 3 months later I found out I was pg. (she actually knew before I did..she read me the test) all into my pregnancy... (to her this was gonna be her niece or nephew..shes adopted and dosent know her siblings if any) Then 2 months later she quit her job...and since the only way we saw eachother or spoke to eaachother was through work (all other time is spent with the boyfriend) our relationship has haulted... We talk now..maybe once a week... its ALWAYS me calling her leaving her messages and her calling me back telling me she'll call me later (guess what she never does)

I havent SEEN her since.... ummm april (???) and between my wacky hormones, moving out of my parents house, getting married, and just plain old being pregnant... Ive needed her...to cry too, to talk to, to just watch stupid movies with...and shes never there!!!!!!!!

Everytime she calls she says "Im such a bad friend...I know Im not there for you".. but makes no effort to try and fix it (she did make plans with my twice..but times she said she'd be at my house @ a specific time and then didnt show up At ALL>>not even a call to cancel....

I dont wanna call our friendship quits... but what do I do?? How much longer should I let her reject me??? I have told her how I feel... and she always admitts shes wrong... but shes just to wrapped up in this boy... she's been thrown out of her house yet again...and the JErk is still cheating...


Any of you go through this with a long time friend???? What do I do?

Re: Vent about a "friend"...LONG

Sorry your friend's not there for you!

I can certainly understand where you're coming from. I've had the type of friend that gets all wrapped up in her "BF of the month" or whatever and just drops you or constantly rejects you or lets you down. Still do have that type of friend unfortuantely.

There's really nothing you can do. You can't make her see how bad this guy is for her. If she's in love with him, she won't see until she wants to see it, if ever. All you can do is continue to be a friend to her - albeit a more distant friend under the circumstances - and hope that she comes around sooner than later.

That's JMO anyway because you've been friends with her for so long. Chances are that this guy won't be around forever. Someday she'll probably realize what a jerk he is and then you don't want to have cut her off because of a temporary intrusion into your friendship.

However, I do think you should continue to tell her that your friendship with her IS going to continue to suffer because of her actions. You may need to distance yourself from a bit too in order to not be constantly dissappointed.

Of course, if this goes on for too long... there does come a time when you may just have to end the friendship with her because a friendships is a two way street. But it doesn't seem like you are ready for that step yet, and rightfully so IMO.

Re: Vent about a "friend"...LONG

ahhhhhh this is such a tricky thing. do you stay friends with her or do you not. well it really depends on you. I am hoping not knowingly, she has displayed what friendship means to her- at this point in time- she values her relationship more than her friendship. At least right now while she is under her BF 's trance. Usually people wake up oneday and realize what they have done and come around, and sometimes they dont. I guess its really up to you whether or not you choose to be her friend and help her pick up the pieces again! true friends are really hard to find and allthough she is blinded by this fool she sounds like you guys really deep inside do have a true friendship. I wouldnt make myself readibly available though either- you dont want to be her yo yo friend only at a time of need. Sometimes friends need to hear what they are doing and if she gets mad ( which she prob will) so be it- get your voice and feelings out on the table- believe me they will stick with her- even if it doesnt show- . I wouldnt close the door yet, we were all in love at some point where we ditched our friends and realized it later and tried to never do it again. Ive had many friends stab me in the back. But I never closed the doors- Im too much of a sucker- but my guard is always up- so I dont get hurt again, but I wouldnt turn my back on a friend unless they did something to me like hurt a family member- came on to my DH, that kinda stuff. Good Luck and let us know how it turns out.