Never a dull moment...

(first- let me give you a little background.... my mother and grandmother have lived together, my mothers ENTIRE life.... the past few years all they did was fight, and with everything thats going on in my moms house.... them living together just seemed to make things worse... about a month or so ago, my grandma decided to move out and get one of those apartments, where the rent $$$ is set by the SS income... or whatever...)


I went to visit my grandma for the 1st time in her new "place" this weekend.... This place was approved by SS and they set up everything....

Its a house in Shirley run by a family, it has a basement apt. with 4 bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen (no stove or anything though) the woman upstairs has to provide them with 3 meals + snacks/ day.


The house is beautiful... however I dont feel very clean (however my standards of clean are pretty high).... Since its in a basement there is minimal sunlight, and my grandmothers bedroom has no windows.... This is really bothering me.... If there was a fire ANYWHERE down there, my grandma would have NO WAY OF GETTING OUT.....


The family who owns the house are very very nice....however this "home" is not an old age home.... the other woman who lives down there with my grandma is not old.... but rather a homeless woman.... She does have some kind of mental disorder (not sure what... but shes a little insane)

When my grandma and I went out to lunch.... she told me all these things this woman who lives down there says to her.... The woman is VERY MEAN to my grandmother, calls her names, yells at her, etc... I asked my grandma if she is physically violent, and my grandme says no.... Now my grandmother asked my not to tell the woman who owns the house.... and this makes me even more concerned.... Why shouldnt I tell her??? Did the owner threaten her? Did the mean lay threaten her?? Is my grandma making it up??? You just never know now a days.....

My grandma says she is very happy there, and says she dosent want to leave... but again- how do I know this is how she truely feels???

Dont get me wrong... my grandma is a little annoying...... (she isnt nasty at all... but she never shuts up!!! )

Now this morning when I dropped Ryan off to my mom... my mom tells me my grandma fell in the shower this morning.... Since this isnt an elderly home there is not intercom system for them to hear her.... plus since she is in the basement you cant hear ANYTHING upstairs... so who knows how long she'd been stuck there...and when I asked my mom who found her my mom said the mean lady.... I then asked my mom... did the mean lady find her, or did she push her??? So my grandma was sent by ambulance to the hospital, and they are running some tests... .The DR assured my mom everything was ok though... Thank God!


Anyways- to sum it up- my concerns are:

This window thing??? How is this approved- I though every bedroom had to have a window?? How is this not a fire hazard??

This "roommate"- how do I know she isnt dangerous???? (This lady was kicked outta 3 other homes)

And the general cleanliness of the place....

Im not happy... and to be honest- I would perfer her to be somewhere else...

I tried talking to my mom about it... but I dont wanna stress her out, and make her feel guilty (because they DO need to be seperated- for their own sake...) Besides the fact that my mom just isnt equipped to handle anymore right now (which means more for me....)

Who do I contact? How do I go about this??? Am I jumping the gun...?? Please help!

Re: Never a dull moment...

So this is actually a private home owned and run by the home owners?

Re: Never a dull moment...

Yes.... but SS set this whole thing up for my grandma

Re: Never a dull moment...

I would start to look in these assisted living places. They also go by income, and they are legal. It would be much safer. All this apartment sounds like is an inexpesive place to live that SS approved the price maybe. This sounds weird to me.

Re: Never a dull moment...

I really don't like the sound of this place
( and you don't either)

I would look for a professionally run place for her- esp if she already fell in the shower-

Re: Never a dull moment...

Marissa, I understand how you feel...I wouldn't like it either. There has to be someplace else your grandmother can live that is safer...maybe some type of assisted living. She wouldn't move back in with your mom?

Re: Never a dull moment...

I don't know where you live, but this site has a listing of all the Assisted Living Places on Long Island. Hope it helps. Just know you aren't alone. Been there and done that!

http://www.citidexli.com/5071.htm

Re: Never a dull moment...

As much as your mom may not want your grandmother with her permanently, I am sure anyone who knows what is going on there would want to get her out of there ASAP. Does your mom know the extent of it? Social security would never set up an apartment like that, it probably just falls into the price she can afford with her social security.

Re: Never a dull moment...

I would definately look into assisted living.

Their are a lot of assisted living facilities that are safer and would be better for her.

Please let us know how it works out

Re: Never a dull moment...

Posted by HarleyGirlFLA

I would definately look into assisted living.

Their are a lot of assisted living facilities that are safer and would be better for her.

Please let us know how it works out

Re: Never a dull moment...

How old is she? Assisted living may be appropriate for an 85 year old, but not a 65 year old. They won't admit you unless you are truly incapable of taking care of yourself.

Re: Never a dull moment...

does your grandmother have a case worker? find out who she was dealing with at social security or department of social services...you could contact them and ask about whether or not this place past inspection....
did you grandmother hurt herself when she fell?

Re: Never a dull moment...

The apt, even though approved by SS does NOT sound legal. It sounds like she needs care like an Assisted Living place to give your Grandma her privacy and also the care needed God forbid something like this happens again.

I agree with Lauren, check with her case worker (provided she has one) and explain your concerns.

Re: Never a dull moment...

Re: Never a dull moment...

I agree with everyone - that does not sound legal or safe! I know they are hard to get into sometimes, but I would try and look into some of the elderly apartment complexes. My grandma - who is 91 - lives in one in Garden City Park. I don't think it's exactly assisted living. She has her own studio apartment, it's very cute - and I don't know that there are any medical services on site, but they do have activities, trips and buses that take them to the store, church, etc. She seems very happy there. I honeslty have no idea about cost on something like that, but I would have to think they take income into consideration - it's not a "luxury" apartment, but it's cute and just really nice for my grandma.
I would totally be concerned about that roommate too -the no window seems unsafe (and depressing too) but the woman living with her sounds worse.
Good luck - I know from reading some of your posts you have been having such a hard time with your family, and I just hope that this, along with everything else, will get better and resolved soon!!

Re: Never a dull moment...

I agree with everyone else.. it doesnt sound like a very safe situation. I would def look into the assisted living option and try to get her out of there asap.

Re: Never a dull moment...

Message edited 6/12/2006 1:02:36 PM.

Re: Never a dull moment...

Posted by oneday

I agree with everyone - that does not sound legal or safe! I know they are hard to get into sometimes, but I would try and look into some of the elderly apartment complexes. My grandma - who is 91 - lives in one in Garden City Park. I don't think it's exactly assisted living. She has her own studio apartment, it's very cute - and I don't know that there are any medical services on site, but they do have activities, trips and buses that take them to the store, church, etc. She seems very happy there. I honeslty have no idea about cost on something like that, but I would have to think they take income into consideration - it's not a "luxury" apartment, but it's cute and just really nice for my grandma.
I would totally be concerned about that roommate too -the no window seems unsafe (and depressing too) but the woman living with her sounds worse.
Good luck - I know from reading some of your posts you have been having such a hard time with your family, and I just hope that this, along with everything else, will get better and resolved soon!!

Re: Never a dull moment...

Posted by lorich

Posted by oneday

I agree with everyone - that does not sound legal or safe! I know they are hard to get into sometimes, but I would try and look into some of the elderly apartment complexes. My grandma - who is 91 - lives in one in Garden City Park. I don't think it's exactly assisted living. She has her own studio apartment, it's very cute - and I don't know that there are any medical services on site, but they do have activities, trips and buses that take them to the store, church, etc. She seems very happy there. I honeslty have no idea about cost on something like that, but I would have to think they take income into consideration - it's not a "luxury" apartment, but it's cute and just really nice for my grandma.
I would totally be concerned about that roommate too -the no window seems unsafe (and depressing too) but the woman living with her sounds worse.
Good luck - I know from reading some of your posts you have been having such a hard time with your family, and I just hope that this, along with everything else, will get better and resolved soon!!

This is a great idea! Is this the one on Denton? It looks like such a cute community for them...keeping them active.

Re: Never a dull moment...

Ok here is an update...

They are keeping my grandma in the hospital because they found that she has pneumonia. Now again Im concerned.... for in this "house" she lives in, a DR. comes once a week (or month...not sure which) and checks on the 2 women... this Dr. couldnt tell she had pneumonia????

It all just seems so strange...

I called Fire prevention today, they put me through to building inspectors, who put me through to tenants rights, and then I got disconnected.... I guess I will start from the begining again- and hopefully I will get an answer.... From the people I DID speak to (and again this isnt a def. answer....) they believe that this is not legal.....

When I told my mom of all my concerns.... She called me a trouble maker She asked why I cant let things be...since my grandma is happy there.....

Now- I dont doubt for a min. that other than being lonely, and the crazy lady being mean to her..... she is happy there... She really loves the family who owns the house, she loves going to church with them, and she loves having something thats her own (well sort of...) but I dont think she knows what else is out there... that there is other options...


Dh and I discussed maybe taking her with us when we move, since we are having something built maybe have some added a little extra for her.... I think its best for her, and I know she'd wanna help out $$$- and it would def. help us out as well... so overall it would be great.... but thats still sometime away... (like next spring)

For now- I know she dosent get very much SS... No- she dosent own any part of my parents house.... She is not capable of living completly on her own... (like I wouldnt trust her alone with a stove...)

Im just not sure.... what are the other options???

Message edited 6/12/2006 7:49:04 PM.