Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Im at a loss as to how to talk to a friend about this...any suggestions would be great.

Background is we have been friends 5 years now( from work) And we hang out with our DH's occasionally and are closer then just work friends.

We went through a small period of not talking too much, just a misunderstanding involving another freind. When it was cleared up she confided she had been trying to get PG with her DH for over a year and nothing. Me and DH had started TTC about 3-4 months earlier ourselves.

To me, she had no idea what she was doing. She had LOBG cycles ( 40 plus days) and was Bd'ing on Day 14 still , no opks, no nothing. So over a few months I told her to contact her Dr, use the Opks, etc. She found out she had PCOS and a blocked tube( which was unblocked later on)....
To me, I felt like I helped her a lot and was just being a friend, didnt expect anything from it.

Now she has moved on to seeing an RE...actually MY RE based on my suggestion ( even after she made some negative ocmments about them in the past and now when I question them or feel negative, she says they are great )

So , she decided to go staright to IVF...at first she had no coverage for it. She had no home PC so I literally searched for info for her. Gave her 50 pages one time of chat discussions about her problems, and where to get finacing...We talked about it every five seconds. Turns out she got coverage thru her DH's job for 3 cycyles of IVF. I was estatic for her.

Well now, its like I have fallen off the face of the earth unless Im needed to be a sounding board for her IF issues.

She made comments int he past like At least I could do IUI, why was I upset the 1st one failed. ( she passed up the chance to do it b/c IVF had a higher success rate and she had the coverage) ... She has just made it always sound like shes in a horribel situation with no way out and I should be counting my lucky stars Im in a better one.

WELL...WHEN did it become a contest to whos Infertility was the worst? It really bothers me.

Theres so many times where she brushes me off.

recently I was looking into DH's health insurance about IVF coverage, as we are getting close to needing to decide where to go from here. SO I found out his coverage doesnt have that included. I emailed her at work and she said " Oh".

Thats the response I got " OH"??????

I was sooo hurt and yet I dont like confrontation and I dont know how to repair the friendship.

I have tried 2-3 times to talk to her about it. One time I got AF at work after a failed IUI and said it to her. She said well you have next month, at least you got to try this month?!?!?!?! I dont have the IUI option.

So I told her how I just wanted to vent how sad I felt and I didnt think I could be THANKFUL my IUI failed just because I had that option.

She replied "fine". She doesnt seem willing to talk to me about it , she gets offended very easily, even though I try to sugarcoat my words.

Do I sounds selfish? I feel in my mind, I supported and helped her so much and I cant even express my own feelings without being told they arent valid because shes worse off.

Her IVF is comign up next week, so I dont want to stress her out, and would liek to be there for her. But I know alreadyi ts going to be a million fears, complaints, and worries , and I will be invisable when I dont EVER get to express my own. I feel taken advantage of, big time. Everyone at work says, They hope she gets PG first or forget it, she'll never speak to me again, and actually I hope so too. I cant imagine getting PG and how she would react. That should say it all shouldnt it?

Everyone who witnesses it, says I should just walk away, she doesnt really seem to value ME as a friend, but I feel bad.

Sorry, I know this was long, I just needed to get it off my chest and figure out how to handle the situation.

I know I have talked to a few of you about this already, and you seem to agree I shoudl walk away , btu Im wondering what everyone else thinks.

THANKS!

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Donna,

I'm sorry you are going through this with your friend. Just try to keep in mind through all this that everyone that comes into our life may not be meant to stay there forever. Friendship involves give and take and if she can only take and it is you who is always giving then maybe it's time to move on. I think you know deep down inside what the answer is and just stay strong and realize you will be fine without this kind of person in your life. Life is too short and our time is too prescious to put energy into people like this. If by chance you do choose to continue a friendship with this woman than you will have to realize the type of person she is and that her changing is probably not going to happen.

I wish you the best and may you be at peace with your decision.

Kathy

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

I agree with the two above posts! I could not have said it better myself!!! I the end the decision is yours and you need to be a peace with what ever you decide! Best wishes to and all the best!!

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

You have gotten some great advice. Everyone handles their stress differently, but it is unfortunate she can not find a place in her heart to support you to. This is no easier for you than it is for her. You do not sound selfish AT ALL!!! Just the opposite.

Baby dust to you!!!!!!!!

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Donna -

I'm sorry you have to deal with this

Everyone's advice has been great so I really don't have anything to add.

Just continue to be the good, kind and loving person you are

Re: Help with a friend situation...Long ....sorry..

Donna - I agree with most of what everyone said up above, however, I don't think I could be there for her. This woman is not a friend. Friends support each other and offer comfort and a shoulder; they don't take what they need without giving back. This woman will continue to take everything you are willing to give emotionally and will never return the favor. I really think it would be worse for you emotionally to maintain a friendship.

With as hard as the whole process is, you need people that are going to be a positive in your life and if she doesn't bring anything to you, it's time to wish her luck and move on. Concentrate on you!