Married Life

To all the girls that didn't live with your DH before the wedding...

So how are you finding married life?

Is it everything you expected?

What are the things that shock you the most?

Re: Married Life

It was a dream come true for us.
I was very UNHAPPILY living with my parents and I just couldn't WAIT to get out of their house.
When we moved in together to our new house when we got home from the honeymoon it was just incredible. Things went so smoothly. Married life for us has so far been amazing. I love waking up with DH every morning. We love not having to answer to anyone anymore. I love that he doesn't have to drop me off everynight. I love doing things on my own time without someone criticizing me.

I think the biggest shock for us was all the freedom to do what we want together. That took more getting used to than anything!

Re: Married Life

It's been good! There was a period of adjustment (first three months I would say) when it seemed like everything was a decision--would we do grocery shopping together? Do we make the bed together or take turns? Who vacuums? Do we eat dinner together (he gets home late), or separately?

Now that we're in the groove things are fine. It is everything I expected, but his friends do not seem to think that anything has changed. They still call him to stay over at Fire Island (without me) in the all-guy house they rent...Go to Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods for days at a time...I think he feels bad saying no, and he does still see them, but it is different. We now want to sleep in the same bed every night, not have him crashing on someone's floor when they get too drunk...

I guess most shocking is how demanding his mother can be. We have our own lives, and sometimes when she wants us someplace we just can't. Luckily she now has a new grandchild to take some attention away from us.

Message edited 7/21/2005 11:52:45 AM.

Re: Married Life

Hi there, new to LIF but long time addict of LIW, changing habits or trying to.

i guess overall its been good. we did get a lot of the ironing out during the engagement because we lived together. the differences in habits, money, careers all took their toll along with the stress of planning the wedding, but somehow we got thru it. since we've been married its been pretty minor. we're learning to relax our demands more. so its getting easier to work out the rough spots, and the overall relationship is much better!

AH! ETA: i didn't read the NOT live together part! sorry!!!!!!!

i will add though that my SIL is a basically the mean MIL equivilant-whatever lack of typical MIL traits my MIL has my SIL at times has made up for. LTBM or not there's no real way to manage the control factor of IL's.

Message edited 7/21/2005 1:05:00 PM.

Re: Married Life

Re: Married Life

We didn't LTBM and I'm LOVING living with my DH. Because I spent so much time at his/our house before the wedding we got into a groove with a lot of things (like cooking) before hand so there wasn't really much "adjusting" to be done.

It really is pretty much everything I expected. The only thing I didn't expect was to blink and have a baby here too... that's a totally different kind of adjustment though.

No surprises, no shocks here really... we really knew each other pretty well before we got married.

Re: Married Life

We didn't LTBM either and it took a little while for us to adjust. The first 4 months were a little harder than I anticipated, but it's been smooth sailing ever since. We've got our little routine about who does what and it's always a nice surprise when someone does that chore unexpectedly.

One of the greatest things is to come and go as we please and not have to answer to anyone but ourselves. I love waking up with him every morning!

Re: Married Life

I'm loving married life. We waited almost 3 years to have a baby to do things on our own. Coming from a strict family, I wasn't allowed to go away on vacation until I was married, so after getting married, we went on vacation every year. I'm glad that we did, because I loved going away and seeing new places with my DH. Now that the baby is here, I feel that our marriage has reached a new level....more mature, I guess.

So I guess I can't complain about anything...except his mother.

Re: Married Life

I love being married..

I am shocked about how grumpy DH gets when he wakes up in the morning.. but I wouldn't trade him in for that

Re: Married Life

I love married life....I love the stability and peace I find in working ,coming home, making dinner, and relaxing at night with him. WE occasionally go out to dinner with another couple or to a movie, but normally its DH and I and the dogs.

Re: Married Life

I love being married and could not imagine how anyone though does it without living together first..I give those girls( and guys ) a WHOLE LOT OF CREDIT..because it has GOT to be harder!

Im almost 5 months in yet I hear "Hows married Life" about once a day..I fell like saying "same as unmarried life really" ....

But living together for over 3 years before hand helped us a lot..helped us make that choice TO get married.

For those who didnt...you deserve credit!

Re: Married Life

We didn't live together nor go on vacations together before our wedding - but marriage has been wonderful ever since- i would say the first couple months were adjustments - just getting used to our schedules and routines around the house and getting to know our pet-peeves, hobbies etc...but after the first couple months passed us - we got used to each other more and more.

I love coming home and waking up together and not answering to anyone else - we balance each other out and look out for each other which is the greatest thing i think any one could ever ask for.

Re: Married Life

I would love to say that living together has been wonderful, but the first six months were really tough because just as soon as we got settled into our condo, DH started his MBA classes and we had opposite schedules so I wouldn't see DH until bedtime every night. It was very stressful and very lonely. I also became the one to do all of the cleaning, most of the cooking and all of the laundry unless DH had an exam and he didn't want to study so he would procrastinate and do a really thorough kitchen cleaning.

Things have settled down, but the biggest agruements seem to be that I clean and he messes it up but then he has the nerve to criticize if I don't clean something up to his standards (making me want to tell him to clean it himself, lazy bum) or him complaining that we have too many decorative items, table cloths, kitchen-towels, dishes, glasses, etc. He has always been minimalist and even though I am not a clutter-bug, it is too much for DH.

Living with DH as a companion is great though because I love not having to leave him to go back to my parents' house every night and we love cooking together and sharing a bed and waking up together and sometimes even showering together

It is just having DH as a roommate that is kind of difficult.

Re: Married Life

We did not live together before marriage, and I was worried about the adjustment. It has been really easy, though, and living with DH felt like 'home' right away. I have to admit I was surprised how smooth our first year has been. I am very lucky.

Re: Married Life

To all the girls that didn't live with your DH before the wedding...

(we closed our condo 4 months before the wedding, but I'll answer anyway)

So how are you finding married life?

Enjoyable, but a lot of work. DH didn't know how to wash a dish before we lived together. I mean that literally. He did not know how to wash a dish. I had to teach him how to was a dish.

Is it everything you expected?

Saddly, I don't know what I expected. I just wanted to be with him every day and night. We used to live so far apart and I would be SO nervous about him driving home at night and I just couldn't wait for us to be living in the same place.


What are the things that shock you the most?

Inconsideration AND over consideration. Every day is a surprise

Re: Married Life

Like Suven, we only lived together a few months before hand ( about 3)

It wasn't that much of change to me. I had my own place & he was helping with grocery & cable bills anyway, since we was over all the time. We were used to shopping & cooking together.
Basically, before we lived together, he spent one night a week with his parents & the other nights would come over straight after work & go home when I went to bed.

The major change is that I feel I sleep later on the weekends, b/c he does. I use dto get up & out earlier.

And I feel more obligated to attend all of his family functions & still see my girlfreinds as well as our couple freinds, so I feel busier.

Re: Married Life

Before we got married, DH lived in my house but we had different rooms because maybe a year before the wedding, his parents had to move, and he did not want to move with them since he was leaving soon anyways, so my mom asked him to come to the house. It was nothing like living together, but at least I learned a couple of things during that time.
Now, I just love living with him; we have so much fun together. Just coming home, and sitting on the couch watching tv and relaxing is amazing.
The beginning was tough but just money wise, now, he helps me a lot more with stuff around the house and I love it!

Re: Married Life

Posted by Juliet

I would love to say that living together has been wonderful, but the first six months were really tough because just as soon as we got settled into our condo, DH started his MBA classes and we had opposite schedules so I wouldn't see DH until bedtime every night. It was very stressful and very lonely. I also became the one to do all of the cleaning, most of the cooking and all of the laundry unless DH had an exam and he didn't want to study so he would procrastinate and do a really thorough kitchen cleaning.

Things have settled down, but the biggest agruements seem to be that I clean and he messes it up but then he has the nerve to criticize if I don't clean something up to his standards (making me want to tell him to clean it himself, lazy bum) or him complaining that we have too many decorative items, table cloths, kitchen-towels, dishes, glasses, etc. He has always been minimalist and even though I am not a clutter-bug, it is too much for DH.

Living with DH as a companion is great though because I love not having to leave him to go back to my parents' house every night and we love cooking together and sharing a bed and waking up together and sometimes even showering together

It is just having DH as a roommate that is kind of difficult.

Re: Married Life

The first few months were very difficult for us. I even asked myself what the hell I had done. Besides not living together, it was a long distance relationship for most of the 5 years we were together. After that adjustment period, things just kind of fell into place and I now I can't stand to be away from him!

The biggest shock for me was discovering he really was a slob! Before we were married, he was always clean up before I cam over.

Re: Married Life

Its good to know that it isnt all perfect for everyone else. DH and I have opposite schedules so if i wait up for him, we can go to sleep together. (oh yay)

And its been hard moving from NYC, where all my friends live, to suffolk (a good 2 hours away) to where all HIS friends and family live. It has led to some lonely and su*ky times for me, but it only been 2 months and I have to believe that it will get better.

Re: Married Life

We had a rocky start...
The first 5 months of marriage we lived in a basement apartment in my grandfathers house. It was rough, we had NO privacy, ate dinner with my grandfather every night etc...
When we moved into our condo it was like we were finally married...
We love living together. We really are proud of our place, and love spending time together. No unpleasant surprises for us...the only thing that annoys me is that he never reads his mail! LOL
I am so happy living with him. Our second year of marriage was even better than the first.

Re: Married Life

i'm loving married life! i love seeing my husband everyday, having a home and a little pooch. it's like i've made a new family and i couldn't have asked for a better husband.

Re: Married Life

I LOVE living with DH, esp waking up to him every morning and sharing the "little" parts of everyday life. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband