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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
My DD is 3 months old. I am thinking about switching Grace totally to formula. I EBF her for 2 months then she was not gaining as much as she was supposed to therefore, we supplemented with formula. For some reason formula seems easier to me. I am so exhausted I live on coffee and I am becoming a beyoch to my DH. I don't like who I am becoming and I am convinced that it is because if the BFing, lack of sleep, etc, etc.. I just want my body back, I would like to not to feel exhausted every day. Considering that I am the only one who wakes up in the middle of the night because of DH's job (he works longer hours and leaves very early to commute), I feel that I don't have enough energy for the baby, myself or DH. I think I was running on adrenaline for 3 months and now its like I hit a wall and my whole body aches. I want what is best for my DD, but right now I feel a happy mom is the best thing for her. Add to all this that DH told me last night that he feels that I have no energy left for him when he comes home, I am spending it ALL on the baby and I am not myself. WELL, NO $hit! OMG, I wanted to scream! Maybe if he woke up every night at 4AM to feed her, burp her and change her for an hour he would have no energy left too! Combine that with BFing all day, feeling like you are fat (post preggo pounds that cannot come off fast enough) and feeling like I am a bad mother for even putting these feelings into words and (GASP!) writing them down. I think the La LaLetche league is sending its hentchmen to my house as I type this.
I adore and love my DD and my DH, that is what makes this so damn hard. I want to do the best everyday for myself and my family. I feel like if I am a great mom to my DD, I am a failure in my marriage and my own needs (to workout, get out without the baby, just see a movie with friends, etc.) get pushed under the rug. I don't want go to bars or anything, I just want a few hours a week where DH and I can hang out like we used to. I miss the lets pick up an go anywhere anytime. Now its arranging a sitter, paying a sitter, or if we bring her we need a uhaul to pack up everything we need for a two hour stay at grandma's house.
Ok, Vent over Thanks for letting me express my feelings.  I guess I'm just having one of those days...
Message edited 8/9/2006 10:25:20 AM.
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Posted 8/9/06 10:22 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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lmb03
Stop kissing me!
Member since 5/05 2636 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
I have been there. YOu have to do whatever is going to make YOU happy. A happy mommy makes a happy child.
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| Posted 8/9/06 10:31 AM |
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Calla
My girls
Member since 7/05 4303 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Being a mommy is very tough. While its fine if you want to stop breastfeeding, I don't think that will solve your problems. She'll still wake up to eat, still want to be held just as much, and you'll have more dishes to do. You still won't have freedom to go to the gym or to a movie easily.
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| Posted 8/9/06 10:41 AM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. If you think switching to formula will truly help, I say go for it. But I also agree with Calla in that, many of the same difficulties will remain. Do you pump? If not, is that an option for you...you may feel you can get out with DH more often then?
Listen, everyone here knows how difficult the first few months can be. 11 months down the line, I think I'm finally adjusted, although I still wish I could get up and go sometimes!
You're doing a great job, you have to know that! Sometimes the dads just don't get it...well, more than sometimes I think!
Hope you're feeling better soon and know that it's OK to do whatever that takes!
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| Posted 8/9/06 10:48 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Posted by Calla
Being a mommy is very tough. While its fine if you want to stop breastfeeding, I don't think that will solve your problems. She'll still wake up to eat, still want to be held just as much, and you'll have more dishes to do. You still won't have freedom to go to the gym or to a movie easily.
I agree with you, stopping BFing will not solve all the problems. I figured that I won't be as tired though, maybe I am wrong? Thanks for the 's and advice.
Message edited 8/9/2006 10:49:35 AM.
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| Posted 8/9/06 10:48 AM |
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Calla
My girls
Member since 7/05 4303 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Just using a bottle instead of the breast isn't going to save energy unless someone besides you holds the bottle and you get to sleep!
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| Posted 8/9/06 10:53 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Switching to formula helped me so so much, I can't even begin to explain. I understand that BM is best(and I'm not trying to start a tiff here) but it wasn't best for me. 3 days on formula and I felt like new women! Good Luck and tons of hugs XO
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| Posted 8/9/06 10:54 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
If you do stop BF's will your DH be getting up to feed her too? If not then you will be just as tired.
I am all for Happy Mommy = Happy Baby
If you really feel like BF is stressing you too much maybe it is time to stop. I can however promise you that it does get easier. Once she starts to have some cereal and fruit & veggies she will nurse less. The first 3 to 4 months stink because it is all on you. I am myself getting some panic attacks about the thought of all those sleepless nights and it all being on me (I HATE pumping)
I can offer some
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| Posted 8/9/06 10:59 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
First off- you are being WAY to hard on yourself. Your DD is only 3 months old. It takes a while to adjust to motherhood. I think a lot of us have unreasonable expectations for what its liek after they are born. I also thought I woudl be back to my regular gym schedule 6 weeks PP. Well its been 16 and I have gone twice.
If you want to stop breastfeeding, do it. If you really feel like you want your body back-and stopping will make it easier on you, then stop. Your DD will be OK with formula.
You have to do what works for you. If you are happy you are a better mom!
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| Posted 8/9/06 11:00 AM |
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anon
where's winter?
Member since 11/05 2209 total posts
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Message edited 2/8/2007 1:35:50 PM.
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| Posted 8/9/06 11:02 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
You need to do what is best for you. I don't think pumping & then feeding her would be helpful at all because then you'd be spending time pumping & feeding. I agree that formula won't solve all of your problems (particularly if you're looking to lose weight - bf is the way to go), but it would enable other people to be able to feed her. If DH was willing to feed her so you could have a break, it would help a bit - or just cut back on the bf & supplement. Also I think you need to start thinking about eliminating that night feeding so you can get a full night's sleep...yes easier said than done...but worth a shot.
The first 3 months are always the hardest. The changes are so overwhelming. It does get better. You will get your life back...it won't be the same, but it will be better than it ever was
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| Posted 8/9/06 11:04 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Posted by anon
are you having a bad day or has this just been building (i ask because i had an i-want-to-jump-out-of-the-window day on monday and actually told DH sometimes i feel like i don't like DD  )? DH and i fight all the time but he knows this is an adjustment period and deep down does understand i am a mess and have developed "baby brain". i do have to remind him though on a daily basis  ...
hang in there!
It has been building for a few days and today is a "jump out of the window day". Add to all this I am waiting to hear back from the job I interviewed for last week. The owner went on vacation after our interview and I called yesterday to follow up. He said he would get back to me, that he just got back from vacation, yadda, yadda.
I just want to know that I am going to or not going to get the job. I would also like DH to cut me some slack and realize that the last thing I want for our marriage is to have no energy left for him. I love him and I know we will get though it. I tried to talk about it with him but between me feeding the baby and her crying it is hard to get an hour to talk about it without being interrupted. 
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| Posted 8/9/06 11:18 AM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Oh I was there with you last summer. I have to be honest and say I couldn't wait to go back to work so I could get a break. (work being a break ) But I will tell you it gets so much easier. If you can just get through to the end of 4 months you will be ok. Do you have any Mommy friends that have kids around your daughters age. I know last summer I was out of the house with friends almost every day because if I wasn't I was miserable. It helps to have someone that is right there with you. I know you said your DH works long hours is there someone who can come by once or twice a week for a couple of hours to watch her?? Then go out and have some me time! Is your family local?
I can tell you that I was saying EVERYTHING you were saying last summer. This summer my DD is 15 months old and WOW what a world of difference. There are still jump out the window days believe me but they are few and far between.
Please feel free to FM me if you ever need to vent!
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| Posted 8/9/06 11:32 AM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Honestly, I know what you mean. Sleep deprivation is the root of all mommy problems. Bella was always FF so I cannot help you with BF-ing, but the thing that has SAVED me is DH's involvement. We switched off nights that we woke up and still do.
You know what, when I went back to work, I was waking up to commute to the city as well but I still switched off with DH alternating nights up. He was working by staying home with Bella. Alternating helps because you know that you'll have a good night sleep...and soon. I never had more than one rough night in a row...and neither did DH. Sometimes you need help. If DH thinks you are spending all your energy on the baby, he's right. He needs to at least try and take a night feeding for you. Maybe that could be a supplemental bottle so you don't have to give up BF-ing completely.
And honey, the weight sux...it really does. But it will continue to slowly come off. Maybe take walks with your little one...I wish I could do that. I remember I went for a BM dress fitting when Bella was 4 months old and I was like oh lord. Now, I am just about 5 pounds under my BFP weight. Running around with baby is a natural workout especially now that she is mobile...
We have all been there and we support you. You need some DH support...he'll be much better off with a well-rested mommy/wife.
Many hugs for you
ETA: Life also got much better when Bella started sleeping through the night at 3 1/2 months...now we alternate who wakes up on the weekends...
Message edited 8/9/2006 12:06:39 PM.
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| Posted 8/9/06 12:04 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Posted by mommy2bellabean
If DH thinks you are spending all your energy on the baby, he's right. He needs to at least try and take a night feeding for you. Maybe that could be a supplemental bottle so you don't have to give up BF-ing completely.
And honey, the weight sux...it really does. But it will continue to slowly come off.
We have all been there and we support you. You need some DH support...he'll be much better off with a well-rested mommy/wife.
Thanks! DH is supportive to an extent, and is great with her when he gets home from work and weekends. Its the overnight stuff that is really a bone of contention for us. He thinks that since he has to get up for work at 6AM and he is in the middle of this important project at work, that he should not have to wake up in the middle of the night. I agreed to this a month ago and now I regret it. It is ALL on me and when I brought up revisiting our plan from a month ago he was pi$$ed. He think s I am being unreasonable and he needs his rest, he is under pressure at work and he needs to be fully rested because he is working with the VP, etc. etc, etc.
I work PT from home mostly and have a more flexible schedule. So in his head, he thinks that I can nap all day while BFing, and taking care of her. "you can sleep when she does" UMMMM, NO because that is when I WORK! ARRRRGGHH!!!
I will ask him to take 2 nights during the week. I think that is fair. You know, I have been the only one waking up at night for three months now and I am done. He needs to take two nights during the week or at the very least one night.
As for the weight, I am on WW and BFing and loosing about a pound a week. I do excercise when I can. It s just not fast enough for me. I have a closet full of clothes I can't wear yet and it is frustrating.
Thanks for letting me know that it will get better, it means a lot to read that. Sometimes a little encouragement makes all the difference.
Message edited 8/9/2006 1:44:22 PM.
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| Posted 8/9/06 1:43 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
A pound a week is very good!! That is a good, solid long term weight lose plan. Good for you!!!
BF or FF you would have a lot of these feelings and stress. Some of it is just adjusting to being a mom..it is a HUGE change in your life. You can love your baby and NOT love being so tied down. As she gets older it does get easier. I promise.
You need SLEEP. Since you use formula right now anyway I would ask DH to please get up tonight with the baby. Tell him that you just can't do it every night in a row. No sane person can.
Personally I wouldn't switch to formula for a few reasons..I gained weight when I stopped breastfeeding at a year..you burn 500 calories a day BF. Another is that since you use some formula now you can ask for help from your husband at night.
Sit down with your husband and tell him that you thought you could handle this alone, but now that you are so sleep deprived and stressed you can't do it. You need his help. Maybe Friday night he can get up and give you a full night's rest.
If you want to stop BF I can help you stop. You don't want to just stop one day...as you can get a plugged duct and/or infection. I can help you wean if you would like to. Just let me know.
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| Posted 8/9/06 2:46 PM |
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antoinette
boy mamma
Member since 5/05 2975 total posts
Name:
Antoinette
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
OMg I have been where you are more than once, I put such high expectations on myself to be super woman or something and wind up having mini breakdowns- Even with Bryan being 13 months I still have meltdowns cause he's not a great sleeper and never has been which has caused me to get insomnia more than once- which totally sucks because I feel like crap when I dont sleep- like physically ill.
I dont have too much advoce becase I know what you are going thru.
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| Posted 8/9/06 4:30 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
YOu have to do what is best for you and your baby. EBFing for the amount of time that you have is fantastic and IMO switching to formula feeding at this point is fine. I had to stop EBF my DD at 2 wks...and she has been on formula ever since and doing fantastic.
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| Posted 8/9/06 4:47 PM |
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Melbernai
I am a lucky Momma!
Member since 7/05 15652 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
We never got the breastfeeding thing down but I did pump for a month and a half and it got to the point where it was ridiculous and I had no time for myself. I felt like I was either feeding her, caring for her, or pumping and I had no time to shoewr or do anything. I made the switch to formula and had to admit that until recently I regrettied giving up so early but I don't think I'd have been able to continue it after I went to work and overall I think it was the best decision for me.
DO what you think is the best. As many people have said before, a happy mommy is a happy baby!
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| Posted 8/9/06 5:00 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
A happy mommy makes for a happy baby and happy husband...it is important to do what you need to do to feel better.
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| Posted 8/9/06 7:24 PM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Posted by dandr10199
Thanks for letting me know that it will get better, it means a lot to read that. Sometimes a little encouragement makes all the difference.
Sometimes they need to be taught...
I'm here if you ever need to vent
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| Posted 8/9/06 8:08 PM |
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JTK
my 4 boys!
Member since 6/06 7396 total posts
Name:
Kristi
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
i think every bfeeding mom gets a little guilty feeling over stopping... but to tell you the truth, i bf my first two and for the first 2 weeks my third as well. but then i felt just like you and i stopped bfeeding.. and you know what?!? baby's fine and so am i! do what's best for your FAMILY! Remember you are all a unit. You can't only do what's best for one and ignore the others!
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| Posted 8/9/06 8:18 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
A happy mom= a happy baby-
Im a firm believer...
But Ive been where you've been- and I gave up, and have never regreted anything MORE!
Im not saying its bad to give up- because if its truely what will make you feel better- by all means... there is NOTHING WRONG WITH FORMULA...
But- just make sure its what you wanna do!
You said you supplement... what time is the bottle of formula given? Can that be the night feeding since it might hold her over a little more....???
After 3 months... things do get easier- both for BFing moms and FF moms... SOme babies start sleeping for long stretches/ through the night, and a "Schedule" kinda falls into place....
I think you need some time to yourself... One day of pampering, and one good nights sleep....
Puts lots of thought into your decison... because once you decide to stop- you cant ever go back!
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| Posted 8/9/06 8:25 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Need Advice,Need to Vent, I don't know what I need...
Posted by Princessmaris
You said you supplement... what time is the bottle of formula given? Can that be the night feeding since it might hold her over a little more....???
After 3 months... things do get easier- both for BFing moms and FF moms... SOme babies start sleeping for long stretches/ through the night, and a "Schedule" kinda falls into place....
I BF her at night around 8PM, then a formula bottle at 10PM right before bed. She usually take between 5-6 oz at 10PM. She ususally sleeps until about 3 or 4AM. Then I wake up change the diaper, BF and FF her (she takes about 2oz of formula after BFing), burp her and try to get her back to sleep. LAst night this whole process took 1 1/2 hours. She woke up at 3:30 and I was back in bed by 5AM. DH left for work at 6:30Am and DD was up by 7AM to eat, diaper change, burp, etc. again. This is how it was been the past week so I guess this is her schedule. She has always ate on demand, therefore figuring out a schedule is a little tricky. She is doing much better she used to get up 3X's a night when I was EBF and I did not get ANY sleep for two months.
I guess I started the weaning process without realizing it. She needs to eat every three hours and if I BF her three hours ago, I don't have enough for the next feeding and just give her formula. Then I BF the feeding after that and so on.
I guess the lack of sleep really got to me yesterday. I have decided to keep BF but not as often and try to start weaning her. I have been doing that for the past two weeks anyway. Hopefully I can go one more month and re-evaluate. She should start cereal by then anyway and maybe that will help her sleep longer. Thanks ladies!
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| Posted 8/10/06 9:15 AM |
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