wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I'll try to keep this short::

My best friend is getting married 7/3/06 and I am one of her bridesmaids. My EDD is 6/13/06 which leaves 3 weeks in between. I am getting very worried that I will be late and not be able to be apart of the wedding. However I do not want to wait until the last minute to 'see what happens' because then it's not fair to her. Other reasons are that I will not be able to get my dress altered in time and that we are really going to be financially strapped at that time.

She did EVERYTHING for my wedding and I really wanted to try to reciprocate. I don't want to disappoint her by bailing out and I don't wanna disappoint myself either ! I'm really looking forward to her big day, I'm just afraid of my bad timing

What would you do?

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I didn't vote but I was due 4 weeks before my cousin's wedding and with the possibility of going 2 weeks late, I would have been 2 weeks PP at the wedding...it was never a question that I would absolutely be a part of the wedding. She was a MOH at mine and me, my sister, and her are very close.

I know that it wouldn't have been pleasant but I actually had the baby 3 weeks early so I was 7 weeks PP at the wedding. The worst case scenario would have me been as big a part of the wedding as I could. I would never have wanted to look back and know I missed out on her special day. I was fat in the pics, but OH well.

ETA: I got my dress altered 3 days beforehand by a professional seamstress...

Message edited 3/6/2006 4:43:13 PM.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

Personally I would back out of actually standing up there for the wedding becasue I dont think I'd feel up to it. But you could still help out as much as you can with all the planning and everything.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I was in the same situation. I am due May 28 -my closest friend is getting married on June 10. I had to back out, due to I did not want it to add onto any stress that I had already had at the beginning of my pregnancy.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I don't think you should back out at all. As far as the dress goes, get in touch with whoever normally does your alterations and let them know the situation. Just tell them that you know it may be tough, but you can only give them a week (give or take) to do it. I'm sure they'll accomodate you. As for the money aspect, just give what you can afford. I'm sure your friend will understand that with a new baby you're somewhat strapped for cash.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I would back out.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I am not a mom - but a question to ponder - what if you go late and need a C-section?? Would your body even be ready for such an event?? All that standing and such so soon after surgery.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

Personally I would back out of actually standing up there for the wedding becasue I dont think I'd feel up to it. But you could still help out as much as you can with all the planning and everything.



I agree with this.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

If it were me, I'd be a BM & attend the wedding now matter what - and if I had to leave early to have my baby, I would be quietly telling her that and then just leave to have it.

The thing is you aren't me or any of us.. From everything you wrote, it sounds like you don't want to do this. The wedding, the alterations & the financial issues are a lot to contend with in order to do something that it sounds like you really want to do. So if I were you, I would ask if you could be a reader at the wedding and do everything as if I were a bm.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I would back out. YOu can still be involved without being a BM.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I think Id back out... Whose to say how you'll be feeling 2 week PP??? Also- for me....I wouldnt wanna be away from my newborn all day...
I hate leaving him now...

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

before you make your decision, really consider the logistics. How would you alter your dress, what size would you order, what if you go early what if you go late? 2 week pp is not much time to leave yourself physical healing. You might still be bleeding from the birth if you go on time.

I am having major issues with my dress for my SIL's wedidng on 3/18. They ordered me a 16 and it doesn't fit at all around my tummy. I am lucky i can zip it, but it phyically hurts me to wear. It digs in to my tummy so badly and they already let out seams, and they can't do a panel. I cried all weekend! and bought a maternity dress.

It does seem to me like you have made up your mind too, just explain things to the bride, she may not understand now, but she will when she has kids. YOu can still be VERY involved in the wedding without being a BM.

GOOD LUCK!

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I would ask her how she feels about making sure your dress is not an ultra tight type..and it is a bit more "forgiving" in the look.

I would also speak to her about the fact that anything can happen during that time and you want her to know that you will try everything in your power to be there but you are just not sure what will actually happen. At 2 weeks post partum I could never have worn pantyhose (I had a c/s) or stood up for that many hours, danced. I was pumping every 2 hours etc...but that does not mean that you can't do this...you just need her to be a bit flexiable.
She is your best friend. She is going to not care if you are in sneakers and sweats...all she wants is your love and support

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

i guess it would depend on her expectations...

my expectations for my BM's were wear the dress and show up! if any were pregnant i would have suggested they wear whatever makes them comfortable even if it didn't match. i would also be very understanding if she was unable to make it last minute for whatever reason.

if your friend is not flexible, then i would step down and not cause additional stress for either of you.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

I think the dress is the least of it..
You could very well be late which means you wouldnt be healed in time.
You could be bleeding heavy, exhausted, sore and weak...
I think you should bow out now and leave it as an option that if you go on time and are feeling good you would come to the wedding..but to be in a bridal party would be pushing it.

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

Re: wedding dilemma -- what would you do? w/poll

Hmmm this is a tough one, but first i would talk to your best friend. Tell her about your fears and that there is a good possibility that you can't be a part of her day. She should understand.

However, if this was me I would agree to still be a part of it and try and make it at the very least to the church and pictures and maybe cocktail hour. That is going above and beyond.

If worse comes to worse and you can't do it, then you can't do it and your friend should totally understand.

In the end it's your decision and haven been a bride i would of been totally fine if this happened to me, but just disappointed that the person could not be there.

Good luck!