spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

We're talking about telling children that they were adopted/have a surrogate/came from a sperm donor/etc... And many people said they would tell the child when they're old enough to understand. I'm just wondering when you think they right time would be? At what age?
I personally think children should know these things from the very begining because I think it would be too easy to not tell them the truth the longer you wait. But maybe that's just me.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

I raised my step son since he was 8 months old. His mother did not want to be in his life.I told himI was his step mom when he was 6 years old.That was the age I thought he would understand it better and he did.He always called me Mom though.

Message edited 8/30/2006 11:59:11 AM.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

I can't honestly answer something like this until I'm in that situation.

I did find out my Mom was adopted and that my Grammie wasn't her biological Mother until I was 13ish... I remember crying for hours on end, but then I realized...does it really matter. She means the world to me and loves me as though I'm her flesh & blood...heck...in our eyes we are.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

I think when they are old enough to ask questions, they are old enough to be told things in a general way. I think some of the nitty gritty details of the situation can wait until they are teenagers.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

I think it depends on the child...

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

From the begining is best, IMO. I have seen situations like that explode in my family, b/c the kids found out.

That being said, whatever the parents decide should be respected. I couldn't believe that some of my relatives went over the parents heads and told the kids about the adoptions and stuff.

Message edited 8/30/2006 12:00:00 PM.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

My aunt adopted 2 boys and told them at a very early age maybe 2 or 3

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

I think it's best to tell them before they can even fully comprehend what it means. This way there are no surprises, they don't feel lied to. I know someone who was adopted and she said she's known her whole life and that she is very happy for always knowing.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

my friend found out she was adoptd when she was 17-it messed her up badddddddddddddddddddddddd

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

My brother is adopted. He and all of us (6) knew from the beginning. Besides when you bring a child into an already established family, the siblings will tell. It was never a big deal to any of us. That way how much my brother knew was always his choice.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

My brother was adopted. He is 5 years older than me.

He was told when my mom was pregnant with me because he was asking questions.

After that, the school called my mom to ask why Freddie was painting all in black? I think it totally screwed him up.

He is screwed up now as a 44 year old. I think he was pre-disposed to things because his biological mom was not right.

I don't know if the age matters or when you think it's the right time. I think the younger the better.

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

I dunno about this particular situation, but both of my adopted cousins have had the same experience where their families spoke about them being adopted (in a very positive & loving way) since they were brought home. It made it a natural thing to discuss & never had a negative connotation.

I dated a guy who was adopted & his parents never told him...he found out when he was looking for his birth certificate to get his driver's permit when he was 16. He has been really screwed up ever since. Not because he found out so late, but because his adopted parents hid it from him, thereby making him feel it was something they were ashamed of

Re: spinoff- when would a child be old "enough" to find out the truth

my parents told me i was adopted pretty young, I think before kindergarten. I don't even remember being told. But i thought it made me very special and my parents would have a party each year on the date that they brought me home. i thought it was great, i got presents.