VENT.. please read..advice....

Did anyones dhs not seem like they realized what lifestyle change having baby would be? Also, did they change for the good or bad in that sense after you had the baby?

Heres what happened....this is one part of a huge fight!

He bowls on friday nights starting in teh fall and bowling is over by 830 the latest but afterwards he hangs out at the bar there with his friends and his one friend is the bartender so the bar empties out around 1ish and he feels the need to always stay til his friend closes up around 2ish.We used to live 5 minutes for the bowlign alley but now we are about 20 minutes away.

We were talking about how i will need help and how i dont expect him to give up bowling ( or his season tikets to rangers or his golf trips or anyting else) but even though i dont expect him to give it up i was explaining he may need to adjust these outings. For example i said i may need you to not stay til closing at the bowlign alley and come home soon after you are done rather than at like 230. He said i am not saying i wont come home depending on what you need me for but i really dont understand what you will need me for??

first i explained i will be going back to work after 12 weks so we will both be working so i dont understand if she is up all night screaming why you wouldnt come home to help me. He says i am predidcting havng bad baby ( not bad but colicy or whatver) and when i go back she wll be almost 4 months and she should be sleeping by them through the night. Um... lets hope she is but no ther are no gaurenteees......

So then he says i mean if i came home at 230 or so like i normally do why cant you just sleep in and ill take care of her in the morning isnt that fair? UM no b/c why are you being so difficult about this.

Also i pointed out that i think i am being very fair in saying i dont want him to give up anyting just adjust somethings. i am not making myself out to be a saint but i think a lot of women wouldd say give up something, eitherr bowling, season tiockets for rangers which by the way comes to about 1-2 games a week. Also and you are going to think i am nuts every year they have goldf outing( away for two nights) for two guysy killed in 9/11 it happens to be a week earlier this year which means it the weekdn of 9/23.
i tld him go. If i go on time that means ill have two week old but i said its for good cause and they raise alot of money for the two guys kids so i thought i was doing the right thing. then he turns around and says all that he has done.. you ready for this.... he painted the babys room and he is putting th crib and stuff together today... ok lets see arent you suppose to do that? i am sorry but i dont think i am suppose to say keep every single part of your social life the same with some minor adjustments.I'm sure some of you think i am crazy for telling hiom to go on the golf trip.

i think he is suppose to paint the room.Am i worng here. Are they the same thihg as far as what he should be doing and what i should be doing???

Message edited 8/27/2006 10:18:09 AM.

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

Ok, can I be REALLY honest Noel? I would not even bother fighting with him over this right now. You don't need the stress right now, honey.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no use in fighting over what MIGHT happen. Have faith in hubby that he will be there for you when you need him to be. He will see very soon that staying out until 2:30am probably isn't going to be an option anymore

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, can I be REALLY honest Noel? I would not even bother fighting with him over this right now. You don't need the stress right now, honey.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no use in fighting over what MIGHT happen. Have faith in hubby that he will be there for you when you need him to be. He will see very soon that staying out until 2:30am probably isn't going to be an option anymore

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

you guys are right and that was one of the things that he said i am speculating about what may or may not happen but... i have to say i left out a whole big pat of the stopry b/c i didnt want to bore you guys LOL...

Recently being 9 months pregnat he has made no scarifices for me at all. He also has this new habit of saying he may do one thing and then does the EXACT oppisite. I had to get a cortisone shot in my foot friday and he had tickets to a football games. he had first said ( even befoer i knew i was getting the shot) that he may drive himself in case i needed him ( pregnacy related not foot realted) then the guys were like oh thast silly we will all leave if she goes into labor ok fine now i get an appt for my foot can you either tell them to pick you up a half hour latert or drive yourself. a long story short.. i went ALONE for my shot! Not the end of the world but in my eyes very selfish and this is why i am starting to worry about the future. he cant sacrife for me fine but what about the baby? will he change? i dont know? Also on top of not takig his own car they went out til 430 in the mornign and he woudl not answer his text message and olnly called me back after about 1/2 hour of me calling him. Nothign was majorly wrong i was calling b/c i wasnt feeling well from the shot i ( i think thas what it was)
nd he was all pisse dand said are you in labor? you wnat to go to the hospital? No??well then im not coing home?
W T F

Also i should add i am not a huge fan of how his brother and his friedns take their role as fathers and going out so much and i see him following this pattren. He thinks they are great guys great dads and i dont see it and if thats his idea of a great dad well then im worried.....

Thank you girls i needed some honest advice and please keep it coming

Message edited 8/27/2006 10:38:10 AM.

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

My husband works nights and most nights isn't home until 2am. He was only home a week with me and then had to go back to work. I was alone almost every night until 2am. It stinks but you can do it. No it should not be one sided that you have to give up everything while his life goes on as normal BUT you can't worry about what if's until it happens. If your DH is anything like mine once your little one is here he won't care as much about going to the games. That will be his LAST priority. Don't stress over something that you don't even know will happen. Worry about if and when it does happen.

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, can I be REALLY honest Noel? I would not even bother fighting with him over this right now. You don't need the stress right now, honey.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no use in fighting over what MIGHT happen. Have faith in hubby that he will be there for you when you need him to be. He will see very soon that staying out until 2:30am probably isn't going to be an option anymore

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

Posted by prncssrachel

Ok, can I be REALLY honest Noel? I would not even bother fighting with him over this right now. You don't need the stress right now, honey.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no use in fighting over what MIGHT happen. Have faith in hubby that he will be there for you when you need him to be. He will see very soon that staying out until 2:30am probably isn't going to be an option anymore

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

My husband used to go out at least 5 times a week. I'm suprised if he goes out 5 nights a year now. You will be suprised how much babies can change a man. Don't push it. You are also dealing with your hormones right now. So as the rest of the ladies said there is no need to discuss this now. The what ifs are really pointless!

Re: VENT.. please read..advice....

thanks everyone youare right i know i have to calm down. i hope to god you are all right!