LIFamilies.com - Long Island, NY


RSS
Articles Business Directory Blog Real Estate Community Forum Shop My Family Contests

Log In Chat Index Search Rules Lingo Create Account

Quick navigation:   

I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Posted By Message

luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013

Member since 5/05

21840 total posts

Name:
To a brand new year to a healthier me

I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

.




A WEEK AT THE GYM:

ONE MAN'S STORY...

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get
into
a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary:

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a
week
of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am
still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25yrs,
ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer
named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. Old aerobics instructor
and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well
worth it, when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting
for
me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing
eyes and a dazzling white smile.

Woo Hoo!!!!!

She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed
that
my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in
her
Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which
she
conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although
my
gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was
around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!



TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,
and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's Rewarding smile made
it
all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.



WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda
was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other
club
members.

Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she
scolds she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest
hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair
monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would
help
me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.



THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help
being thirty minutes late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking,
I
ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, and, as
punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.



FRIDAY:

I hate that ***** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world! Stupid, skinny, anemic
little cheerleading *****. If there were a part of my body I could
move
without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me
to
work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!

And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me the*&%#(#&**
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill
flung me off and I landed on a health teacher. Why couldn't it have
been
someone softer, like the choir director?



SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me
want to smash the phone recorder. However, I lacked the strength to
even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.



SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my
wife will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a
vasectomy.



Posted 7/25/06 4:04 PM
 
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource

Cookiegobbler
My little love bugs!!

Member since 9/05

5759 total posts

Name:
Nicole

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

That is hysterical! Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 4:07 PM
 

kathleeng

Member since 5/05

3775 total posts

Name:
Kathleen

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 4:08 PM
 

lilly
LIF Infant

Member since 1/06

313 total posts

Name:
Lilly

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

OMG, too funny!! Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 4:25 PM
 

evnme
My little lamb

Member since 8/05

12633 total posts

Name:
aka momma2b

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 4:28 PM
 

luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013

Member since 5/05

21840 total posts

Name:
To a brand new year to a healthier me

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

i am glad you guys enjoyed it!

Posted 7/25/06 6:34 PM
 

traceyd
Big Sister to Be!

Member since 5/05

3644 total posts

Name:
Tracey

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 7:04 PM
 

MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.

Member since 5/05

26170 total posts

Name:
MrsERod™®

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 7:08 PM
 

VirginiaDeb
Don't eat me, hippo!

Member since 5/05

9252 total posts

Name:
Deb

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 7:19 PM
 

janet
WITH LOVE MY ANGEL MISS YOU!!!

Member since 5/05

12823 total posts

Name:
janet

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 7:24 PM
 

dooodles
When you wish upon a star

Member since 5/05

11997 total posts

Name:
Because 2 people fell in love

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

well now I know what not to get DH for his b'day next week

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/25/06 8:00 PM
 
 

Potentially Related Topics:

Topic Posted By Started Replies Forum
I haven't spoken to this friend in about 3 years sadly. Today, he resent me the email he sent me on 9.11 (UPDATE) Lanabean 9/11/06 10 Families Helping Families ™
Does mail get delivered today? suvenR 7/3/06 5 Families Helping Families ™
It's quiet...I'll show you what came in the mail today DebG 3/17/06 55 Families Helping Families ™
didnt llike the mail today icequeen4700 2/24/06 11 TTC
Guess what DH got in the mail today for V day? DebG 2/14/06 8 Families Helping Families ™
A Nice Surprise in the Mail Today!! mrswask 1/3/06 9 Families Helping Families ™
 
Quick navigation:   
Currently 618801 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
New Businesses
1 More Rep
Carleton Hall of East Islip
J&A Building Services
LaraMae Health Coaching
Sonic Wellness
Julbaby Photography LLC
Ideal Uniforms
Teresa Geraghty Photography
Camelot Dream Homes
Long Island Wedding Boutique
MB Febus- Rodan & Fields
Camp Harbor
Market America-Shop.com
ACM Basement Waterproofing
Travel Tom

      Follow LIWeddings on Facebook

      Follow LIFamilies on Twitter
Long Island Bridal Shows