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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Sticky situation - need advice
One of my closest friends got engaged this weekend. Her BF planned an elaborate scavenger hunt, and I was her "chauffer" for the day. We're very close, so I'm sure she's going to ask me to be a bridesmaid soon. Problem is, while I was chauffering her, she dropped the bomb that DH and I will not be welcome to bring our baby to the ceremony or reception, and that she'll arrange for a teenage girl to babysit our baby during the whole thing. DH flipped out when he heard the news. He's Israeli, and in Israel, it's unheard of to ask a couple to come to an event without baby/child. It's a huge, huge insult, so he started saying he's simply not going then. I'm not as insulted as DH, and I can understand, but here's the problem - I know I'm not going to be comfortable leaving my 7-month old with a teenage girl for the day that I don't know, and we live far away from any family so I don't think we'll be able to leave the baby with a close relative for the weekend. All our friends will be invited to the wedding, so they won't be able to help out either. So, what do I do when she asks me to be a bridesmaid? I would feel terrible saying yes, and then end up not being able to go because we can't find someone to take care of the baby 
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Posted 5/23/05 9:43 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Do you think by 7 months you will have a regular babysitter that you use when you and DH want to go out that maybe could watch the baby for the night?
I know right now the thought of leaving my baby doesn't seem possible but from what I hear from most of my friends is that you welcome an adult night out. So maybe by then you and DH will have someone who you feel comfortable using.
Or what about arranging for grandparents or someone other family member to visit for the weekend?
I can understand both sides, its hard.
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| Posted 5/23/05 10:05 AM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
You have plenty of time so you should be able to make arrangements. Can't you ask a relative to come down for the weekend? While I understand your husband might be upset, he should take into consideration that what is considered insulting in his culture is not the same in others. I think if you want it to work it can, so try not to worry to much about it, just ask a relative way in advance to babysit so you will be all set.
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| Posted 5/23/05 10:31 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
I agree - I think you have time to make arrangements if you don't feel comfortable with the girl she is going to get. Although, you might take the time to get to know the girl and you never know - you may end up liking her anyway.
I can certainly understand your DH being upset because of the culture difference - that's something you have to work out with him. If you are going to both go and be in it though, I think you have plenty of time to make arrangements, especially if this an important event for you to be a part of.
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| Posted 5/23/05 10:56 AM |
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Donna
1 year already!!
Member since 5/05 3360 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Will the teenage girl be at the reception? Maybe it would be an easier situation for you and DH if she watched your baby at the place - this way you can still check on your child as often as you'd like
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| Posted 5/23/05 11:05 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Hmmm, I guess I'll deal with it when it gets closer. Thing is, the wedding is out of state, so we can't leave the baby at home for a few hours with a babysitter, and unfortunately, our family is VERY far away and so it would be difficult to arrange for someone to come in for the weekend. Hopefully, by then, we'll have some kind of alternatives!
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| Posted 5/23/05 12:00 PM |
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Marcie
Complete Happiness :)
Member since 5/05 27789 total posts
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LOVE being a Mommy!
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
See if you can have someone from your family come with you (not to the wedding), but stay in your hotel, and they can watch the baby.
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| Posted 5/23/05 12:15 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Posted by Marcie
See if you can have someone from your family come with you (not to the wedding), but stay in your hotel, and they can watch the baby.
that's a good idea!
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| Posted 5/23/05 3:04 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Posted by MrsTC
Posted by Marcie
See if you can have someone from your family come with you (not to the wedding), but stay in your hotel, and they can watch the baby.
that's a good idea!
Not really possible... the wedding is in D.C., and my mom lives out in East Hampton and has the busiest schedule on the planet, and my dad will be in Florida... DH's family lives in Israel. Other than my two brothers (who are the most NON-responsible people on the planet), I have no other immediate family 
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| Posted 5/23/05 4:12 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
I don't know what to say....would they be willing to pay someone of YOUR choosing or allowing you to bring someone with you to the wedding to watch the baby. We have a wedding in March and our little one will be about 2 months old and we won't miss it since they are very close friends.
And I hope she didn't actually say your baby is not welcome.....I hope she voiced it as concern for your child and the environment. I had a young infant at my wedding and I didn't even notice!
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| Posted 5/24/05 3:14 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Posted by btrflygrl
And I hope she didn't actually say your baby is not welcome.....I hope she voiced it as concern for your child and the environment. I had a young infant at my wedding and I didn't even notice!
Not quite - she told me that her "mom" won't allow any babies because her perspective is that the focus should all be on the bride, and she doesn't want anyone distracted by the cooing of a cute baby. I don't know how this is going to pass muster because the bride has a 7 month old nephew, and the groom also has a very young baby neice...
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| Posted 5/24/05 3:41 PM |
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stepherg
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 444 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
What about any other of your close girlfriends to go with you and stay at the hotel to watch the baby? or maybe you should attend the wedding by yourself and leave the baby at home with DH...
You have LOTS of time to decide...Good luck.
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| Posted 5/24/05 3:51 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by btrflygrl
And I hope she didn't actually say your baby is not welcome.....I hope she voiced it as concern for your child and the environment. I had a young infant at my wedding and I didn't even notice!
Not quite - she told me that her "mom" won't allow any babies because her perspective is that the focus should all be on the bride, and she doesn't want anyone distracted by the cooing of a cute baby. I don't know how this is going to pass muster because the bride has a 7 month old nephew, and the groom also has a very young baby neice...
Wow that is ridiculous. I mean she doesn't want people cooing over the baby. I would try and speak with your friend again. Explain to her that while you are going to try and make arrangements it is going to be tough. See what she says, maybe she will change her mind.
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| Posted 5/24/05 4:10 PM |
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Lichi
what what!?
Member since 5/05 4206 total posts
Name:
Lissette
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
Posted by lullabella
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by btrflygrl
And I hope she didn't actually say your baby is not welcome.....I hope she voiced it as concern for your child and the environment. I had a young infant at my wedding and I didn't even notice!
Not quite - she told me that her "mom" won't allow any babies because her perspective is that the focus should all be on the bride, and she doesn't want anyone distracted by the cooing of a cute baby. I don't know how this is going to pass muster because the bride has a 7 month old nephew, and the groom also has a very young baby neice...
Wow that is ridiculous. I mean she doesn't want people cooing over the baby. I would try and speak with your friend again. Explain to her that while you are going to try and make arrangements it is going to be tough. See what she says, maybe she will change her mind.
I agree with lullabella
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| Posted 5/24/05 4:43 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Sticky situation - need advice
the only people that cooed over that infant at my wedding were it's mother and grandparents and immediate family. They were all at their own table (in the back) and like I said....no one noticed he was even there.
It's an infant...all it's going to do is sleep and eat and maybe cry a bit. That would make me so mad.
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| Posted 5/24/05 5:13 PM |
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