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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
as many of you know, one of my BM is having a destination wedding in FL (about an 8 hr drive I believe) in Oct. The hotel is $129 (maybe $149-can't remember) a night.
The 2 factors are I'm not sure if we can afford it and I don't know if DH can take the time off (he said he'd use vacation days if needed).
How terrible is it to miss the wedding of someone that was in your bridal party? Would you not go if you couldn't afford it?
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Posted 8/24/05 9:14 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
that is tough....i would talk to your BM about your situation and see what she says...
If you can't go....you can't go...
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| Posted 8/24/05 9:15 AM |
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Kelly
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 681 total posts
Name:
This is it
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
I think it would depend more on how close you feel to her now and how important it is to you to be at her wedding.
If it's more about the money, I am SURE she'd be happy just to have you there and understand that you are paying for the hotel and stuff and not expect a big monetary gift from you.
If your husband can take the time off, let him. You can make a quick trip. And if she's a good friend, then you'll all be glad in the end that you were there for her.
(Note: Just wanted to add that I wouldn't automatically go to a persons wedding who was in my bridal party just because of the fact that they were in my bridal party. It would definitely have more to do with the current status of the relationship than anything else.)
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| Posted 8/24/05 9:22 AM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
One of my BM's was married last August in the Bahamas and we didn't go.
It wasn't so much the $$ for us, but the timing. I was in the middle of an IVF cycle. She totally understood.
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| Posted 8/24/05 9:39 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
That's a tough decision, but I have to tell you that I would go, regardless of my money situation. You have enough time to keep putting away a little bit of money here and there to pay for it. 129 dollars really isn't all that expensive, and you don't need to pay for airfare. I know you're pregnant, and probably don't want to sit in a car for 8 hours, but if this girl is a close friend, I'm sure she'll be extremely hurt if you are absent from her wedding. JMHO.
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| Posted 8/24/05 9:41 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
I think people who are having destination weddings have to understand that not everyone will have the time off or the money to go. To expect everyone to show is unrealistic. I have missed OOT weddings for both financial and work reasons, and I had friends miss mine for the same reasons. My wedding was not the most important thing going on in the lives of my friends, and I didn't expect it to be. I think if you can swing it, go, but if it is a problem, a real friend would understand.
I also have mixed feelings about using the little vacation time DH has for an OOT wedding, but that is me.
Message edited 8/24/2005 10:06:55 AM.
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| Posted 8/24/05 10:05 AM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Posted by dpli
I think people who are having destination weddings have to understand that not everyone will have the time off or the money to go. To expect everyone to show is unrealistic. I have missed OOT weddings for both financial and work reasons, and I had friends miss mine for the same reasons. My wedding was not the most important thing going on in the lives of my friends, and I didn't expect it to be. I think if you can swing it, go, but if it is a problem, a real friend would understand.
I also have mixed feelings about using the little vacation time DH has for an OOT wedding, but that is me.
I feel the same way. If someone is having a destination wedding they have to understand that many people will not be able to go. Yes, it's money but also precious vacation days and the fact that you will have a little one. What if your DH gets into the academy? I think you have a lot going on right now.
We are invited to an OOT wedding in FL in Feb. I told DH that if we are pregnant I really don't want to go (I'll be 35) as we'd have to just fly down there for the weekend, fly back and I have to be at work on Monday. It would be too much.
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| Posted 8/24/05 10:13 AM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
well....we aren't AS close as we used to be, but still I consider her a friend. I'm not sure if she feels the same....she responds to my e-mails, but we don't go out of our way to keep in touch lately.
I'm sure she invited us because she was a part of our wedding and I even invited her parents to our wedding.
Rachel: I know $129 a night isn't much, but with the paycut DH took, we're not even sure we'll be able to make all our normal payments, let alone save ANYTHING.
I have till Sept 15 to RSVP
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| Posted 8/24/05 6:44 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Posted by btrflygrl
well....we aren't AS close as we used to be, but still I consider her a friend. I'm not sure if she feels the same....she responds to my e-mails, but we don't go out of our way to keep in touch lately.
I'm sure she invited us because she was a part of our wedding and I even invited her parents to our wedding.
Rachel: I know $129 a night isn't much, but with the paycut DH took, we're not even sure we'll be able to make all our normal payments, let alone save ANYTHING.
I have till Sept 15 to RSVP
Shana, there is your answer then.
I'm sure she will understand, you guys are going through a lot right now too.
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| Posted 8/24/05 6:49 PM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Florida is not too far from where you currently live.
If your DH can get the time off.... I would do it. I am sure you will have a good time and say it was worth the trip.
I would also stay at the same hotel everyone else is staying. Unless you can get a better hotel deal for at least $50 buks cheaper.
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:02 PM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Plus being preggers as well... not to sound harsh... but time is running out to actually do things like this.
Will be a lot more difficult once the baby is born to get up and take trips like this (especially knowing you dont have any family in GA for babysitting).
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:03 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
thanks...I AM looking forward to it being our last weekend getaway (heck, we haven't gone anywhere!)
there are just more factors to consider than just WANTING to go
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:06 PM |
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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Posted by btrflygrl
thanks...I AM looking forward to it being our last weekend getaway (heck, we haven't gone anywhere!)
there are just more factors to consider than just WANTING to go
Personally I wouldn't go. If you are having a hard time making ends meet right now I would make it worse by having DH take un paid time off work and getting behind in your bills.
You have a baby on the way and will need every penny and then some for that baby.
She is having a destination wedding so I am sure she dosen't expect alot of people to be able to make it.
Besdies the fact that like you said you really arent that close anymore.
I would send a small gift ( maybe something off her registry?) and a nice note explaining everything but say you can't wait to see pictures/ video and you will have her in your thoughts etc. etc.
Message edited 8/24/2005 7:17:19 PM.
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:09 PM |
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Bri
I Love You to Pieces!
Member since 5/05 9919 total posts
Name:
Brianne
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
I really think you know your answer- It just seems from the pattern of your post and responses that when someone says you should go, you respond with a reason why you can't or shouldn't. I think you already know you don't want to go, and if you do I am sure you will be unhappy up until the time it is over. You should only go if your heart is in it and you really don't seem to be that into going . . .
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:18 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
I suggest speaking to her and finding out exactly how much your pressence is wanted. You can say you have to play with your budget since DH took a paycut and things are tight you may be a few days late on your RSVP. Depending on her how she answers you, you probably can make a decision right from there
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:21 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
this really SUX....this will be the 3rd wedding I've missed since we got married....no, excuse me, the 4th.
One was in Vegas. I felt bad because she flew from Minnesota to NY to come to our wedding.
One was in NY and REALLY last minute and she was a BM.
The 3rd was a couple we met down here, but didn't feel close enough to travel to PA for their wedding.
Then this one in FL...
2 in April 2006, DH is in both of them-1 in NY, 1 in MD
1 in July in NY
 Why does everyone have to get married in the same year!!!
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:37 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Is there anyway you can save up a little at a time so that you can afford to go?
I think I would feel bad if I was in your wedding and you didn't make it to mine. I wouldn't end a friendship over it or anything like that I would just be disappointed I guess.
My MOH is getting married in April and I will have only just gone back to work PT after having no income for several months after the baby comes so we'll save ahead of time to be able to get back to NY to go and also for me to be in it.
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:39 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Posted by monkeybride
Is there anyway you can save up a little at a time so that you can afford to go?
I think I would feel bad if I was in your wedding and you didn't make it to mine. I wouldn't end a friendship over it or anything like that I would just be disappointed I guess.
My MOH is getting married in April and I will have only just gone back to work PT after having no income for several months after the baby comes so we'll save ahead of time to be able to get back to NY to go and also for me to be in it.
that's the thing....I don't think we can even save up enough to go....DH pay decrease is SO significant (it's a decrease of over $5 per hr!) DH is looking to pick up a 2nd PT job...but our bills are SO much more important...it's to the point we are afraid we can't afford our house and 1 car payment and bills.
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:44 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Posted by btrflygrl
Posted by monkeybride
Is there anyway you can save up a little at a time so that you can afford to go?
I think I would feel bad if I was in your wedding and you didn't make it to mine. I wouldn't end a friendship over it or anything like that I would just be disappointed I guess.
My MOH is getting married in April and I will have only just gone back to work PT after having no income for several months after the baby comes so we'll save ahead of time to be able to get back to NY to go and also for me to be in it.
that's the thing....I don't think we can even save up enough to go....DH pay decrease is SO significant (it's a decrease of over $5 per hr!) DH is looking to pick up a 2nd PT job...but our bills are SO much more important...it's to the point we are afraid we can't afford our house and 1 car payment and bills.
In that case I would be honest with your friend about what happened with DH and the money situation and explain that you really want to be there for her but hopes that she understands that its just not possible given your current situation. If she's a real friend she will understand. Its not like you expected DH's pay cut or are just making up a lame excuse. But I think it definitely warrants a phone call to her and not an email or a note in the RSVP card. That's JMO though.
I know it ***** to be broke but honestly overextending yourseleves for a wedding just isn't a stress that you need right now with being pregnant and trying to plan for that.
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| Posted 8/24/05 7:48 PM |
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-Laurie-
Hi!
Member since 5/05 2536 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Where in Florida maybe we can find you some other accomodations.
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| Posted 8/24/05 9:57 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Posted by -Laurie-
Where in Florida maybe we can find you some other accomodations.
the wedding is on Ana Maria Island and the hotel is in Sarasota
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| Posted 8/24/05 10:02 PM |
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Leeners
:)
Member since 5/05 4898 total posts
Name:
Eileen
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Only you really know your situation.
That said, if it were me and we were that tight on money, I would charge it. To me, there are few things worth going into 'debt' for but being there for someone who was there for me just a year and a half earlier is one of them. I just did expedia for Sarasota (assumed the wedding was Oct 15th since the rsvp is Sept 15) and there are a ton of hotels under $90 a night. The best western there is $74 and that includes all taxes and everything.
I know it's difficult with everything going on in your life, but put yourself in this girl's position. She's probably getting a ton of No's because it is OOT and you're in GA, a drive away. She was a BM in your wedding not all that long ago and she's going through what is to date the most exciting time of her life. Now think of her reaction to your No rsvp. I, for one, would be very hurt. JMHO.
Message edited 8/24/2005 10:31:06 PM.
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| Posted 8/24/05 10:27 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
and if one of my good friends came to me and said that they couldn't come to my wedding because of money, i would say to them "Your presence is more important to me than your money." Even if it means you give a lesser gift, your presence will mean so much
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| Posted 8/24/05 10:35 PM |
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Ali1
Mommy
Member since 8/05 3116 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
Posted by Leeners
Only you really know your situation.
That said, if it were me and we were that tight on money, I would charge it. To me, there are few things worth going into 'debt' for but being there for someone who was there for me just a year and a half earlier is one of them. .
I have to agree. I would be really upset if anyone in my wedding party did not make it to mine unless there were really BAD (i.e. someone dying, going into labor, etc.) issues. PLUS you living in Georgia would probably make me more upset if most people from NY (if that is where she is from) are going.
I would just charge it and maybe give her a lesser gift. Did she travel up to NY for yours? If not then you could give her less money.
ETA - However, if i don't really know the whole situation then you NEED to call this girl up and explain the situation. Whether you are not as close as you were at your wedding she was there and stood next to you...you owe her that much.
Personally (and this is just me speaking) if you told me you just could not afford it i would be hurt. I understand the issues with moving and the baby on the way but still as a friend and living one state away i would pay for the room to go and enjoy it.
Message edited 8/24/2005 10:44:21 PM.
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| Posted 8/24/05 10:42 PM |
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JennChris
life moves fast
Member since 5/05 4225 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Help please..advice re:being invited to a wedding
If I was your friend I would understand that you couldn't come and I certainly wouldn't want you to be in any financial hardship just because of MY wedding.
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| Posted 8/24/05 10:43 PM |
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