karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Cross Post -- Made me so angry!!
Even if you are fortunate enough not to be going through IF, you may know someone who is.... and this letter just made me see red!!
Couple should adopt new plan, not plea for cash
June 24, 2006
Dear Amy: My brother-in-law and his wife are adopting a child from another country.
The couple has created a Web site about the impending arrival of their child. They are planning a baby shower.
What seems strange to me and my husband about the excitement surrounding this adoption is that the couple also has requested financial donations from friends and family, including setting up a PayPal account to expedite these donations.
We are aware of the costs associated with an international adoption, but such donations to finance it seem something of an affront to us.
My husband and I are proud of their decision, as they are unable to conceive. Nothing is more life-affirming than providing a stable home for a child, regardless of country of origin. I suppose it is the request for money that has us concerned.
As the parents of two children, we understand how much it costs to feed, clothe and educate a child. How can we relate this to them without squelching their excitement about the adoption?
-- A Concerned Relative
Dear Concerned: Your husband should have a discreet conversation with his brother that can start something along the lines: "I'm worried that you and Sandy can't afford this adoption. Is everything OK?"
As you point out, one problem with this is that the expenses of child-rearing only begin once the child is brought home. If a couple can't finance the mechanics of having a child (whether through the high cost of fertility treatments or of overseas adoptions), then perhaps they should wait for the blessed event until they are more financially secure. Domestic adoptions can be far less expensive, and if this couple hasn't considered adopting an American-born child, then they should.
Raising money in this fashion is a step way above and beyond gathering gifts (financial and otherwise) through a baby shower. Either this couple is very hard up for money or they feel entitled to use their child's adoption as a way to raise funds"
OK I think it is crazy for the couple to ask for donations too but this comment:
If a couple can't finance the mechanics of having a child (whether through the high cost of fertility treatments or of overseas adoptions), then perhaps they should wait for the blessed event until they are more financially secure.
made me absolutely see red!! I just got a statement from my insurance company YESTERDAY saying that all this IVF we just went through is NOT covered - after the clinic said it was!! So now we owe $10,000. WHo the he l l has $10K lying around? Oh should I wait until I am 68 to cash in my annuity, and THEN have a baby?? We need to write a letter to this woman and set her straigh!! OK penile implants and viagra are covered, but IF is not? So we should wait until we have $25,000 sitting around to adopt?? Sorry, when a welfare mom brings home baby number 6 she doesn't have to drop $25K immediately -- quite the contrary! Does this woman have any idea that just the MEDS for infertility run over 8K?? And after one IVF do you just give up?? So now that's 20-25K. Adoption -- I am sure runs about 25K. Except the rich, nobody has this cash sitting around, but we are willing to make it work! Apparently only the rich should be going through infertility treatments, or adoption!! Man she is just soooo off base...
I am just so angry......anyone want to help draft a Dumb-Azz Amy letter with me????
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Cross Post -- Made me so angry!!
i think it is sad that people have such little sympathy...
we donate to many many causes in our lives...i really don't see this any different
plus ...if you don't want to....don't
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Cross Post -- Made me so angry!!
I don't get why this women would feel that way about her own brother in law  ? I would do anything to help my family, why is donating some money such a big deal???? Especially for something so important!
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Cross Post -- Made me so angry!!
What really made me angry was the reply, that couples should "wait until they have the $$". U... I don't really think it is appropriate to ask for donations, although family and friends should be sensitive to the expenses...
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