How do I help my sister

My poor little sister. She has had YEARS of severe GYN issues- Endometrios and 2 counter-acting blood disorders that bascially mess up her reproductive cycles..she just had her 4th surgery in 3 years and her left ovary is bascially gone at this point.
She has even been on 2 Lupron cycles ((1) 6 months, (1) 3 months to shut her cycle down so they could stop her vaginal bleeding, sorry TMI, and figure out what is wrong. She can't ever take Lupron again.
Her reproductive system has only a few years left according to 2 doctors before hard decisions have to be made. And the decision is going to be to take everything out..the doctors all know that is what is best, but at 31 my sister is still young and they are trying to wait as long as possible.

My sister is NOT TTC yet...she is not in a relationship and cannot financially support herself 1/2 the time let alone a child. But she is heartbroken, which I understand totally. All she can see is her fertility slowly disappearing.

She is starting to send me information on fertility extention places that freeze eggs and store them for you..$13K. She can barely pay her bills let alone this type of stuff. Of course I tell her to get info, do research and speak to her doctors. But realistically she can't even close to afford this stuff- I mean, even a little bit. She knows that but is getting desperate at the same time.

I am really, really trying to be there for her. I just wanted to know if any of you have any suggestions on ways that I can support her. It is really hard when medically she is having so many issues on top of the emotional ones. I know she is just going through so much.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated. I am just trying to do right by her.

Re: How do I help my sister

I wish I had more to say but all you can really do is be there for her. Make sure she always has a shoulder to cry on and someone to lean on when it gets to be too much. I also think it's very important that you remember to ask her how she is doing and if she ever needs anything...a lot of times, when you are hurting it's very hard to say it unless asked....

Re: How do I help my sister

Re: How do I help my sister

Perhaps she can do a shared cycle where she donates half of her eggs to another couple that maybe has no eggs of thier own?
I have done little research on this so I don't know exactly how it works but might be worth looking into it.

Re: How do I help my sister

Re: How do I help my sister

Wish I had more advice...Its a tough situation. A friend of mine was in the same place about 5 years ago. They basically told her to get PG now because she would need a hysterectomy before age 25. She was 23 at the time, had a 2 yr old and decided with her BF to have a baby then ...she had 3 M/C's but ended up with a health girl.

The choice was SOOOOO hard for her. She was living at home with her son and was in a similiar financial situation as your sister, but couldnt fathom not having more children.

She made a good life for herself in the last 3 years. Even has a house with her now husband.

I would NEVER pressure her ( your sister) to have a baby now, but I know hearing what my friend went through how incredible the decision is when your basically told there is very little time left.

I hope she can find the financing options she needs

Re: How do I help my sister

We NEVER even suggest that my sister have a baby now. My parents and I know that she could not even remotely financially afford to have a child. My parents already bail her out with $ enough. There is no way she could pay for daycare..which is the biggest chunk. Plus in all honestly my sister's life is just never settled. Bring a child into that is not a super great idea.
I bascially told her that if her goal is to have a child in the next 3 years then she needs to use this as a wake up call and start looking for a new, better paying job with a company that has room for growth.
I don't believe she would ever donate eggs, especially before she had a child of her own. But I can pass the link to her at least. The trial idea is good. I wonder if they have special trials for egg freezing for endometrois patients.

Re: How do I help my sister

Can I ask how old she is?

Unfortunatly the earlier in a persons life Endo starts the harder it is to control.

Shes faced with a lot of majojr life decisions..

Good luck to you both

Re: How do I help my sister

I think just being there for her when she needs to talk is all you can do. And probably the best thing you can do. If she can figure out a way to freeze her eggs that will give her some piece of mind, but it sounds like then she would have to be open to having a surrogate. Is she?

She certainly has alot on her shoulders right now.

Re: How do I help my sister

She is 31. She has had the endo since she was in her early 20's. She has had 3 surgeries to remove it in 3 years. Not good.
My parents are concerned that even if she could save the $ to freeze her eggs, that does NOT even give her high %s of getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term. Since she can often only save $100 at a time, at the most this would take years..plus that does not cover the IVF costs..Reality is she can't afford this stuff and even if she could afford part of it, this disease will take her reproductive system before she could really afford to care for a child. I think it is just sad that she has to know all of this now and deal with it. Thanks for your advise girls.

Re: How do I help my sister

Hi Michele. I don't have any knowledge of the health issues your sister is facing, but I wanted to say that if she could get a job at a place like Stony Brook, where the benefits are fantastic for reproductive issues, it might help her if she does need IVF. Also, SB would be a place where she could grow, and not worry about lay-offs, etc. She could start having some stability and security in her life now to build upon if she TTC.

Re: How do I help my sister

MsG has a great idea. I have a list (I think it's a little old) but it shows various jobs and their infertility coverage. The LIRR is excellent as well.

http://www.inciid.org/article.php?cat=insurance101&id=243

Re: How do I help my sister

I still have the application for Talbot's sitting on my table -- they have good coverage too.... What area of work is your sister in?

Re: How do I help my sister

The issue isn't insurance right now...her current medical insurance covers unlimited IUI until a women is 40, including the meds needed.
Her issue is that she needs her life in order. She can't just have a baby and not be able to pay for the daycare and everything else. She needs her life in better order. KWIM?

We spoke again tonight and she really thinks that egg freezing is just going to not a great idea. Not just the cost, but it brings her to IVF. She is not sure she wants to start to consider that just now. It is a bit overwhelming for her. She is seeing her OB/GYN on Monday and is going to sit with her and really discuss everything and figure out how much time she thinks my sister has before her right ovary shuts down, the left one pretty much is gone.

I mentioned the donor egg thing but she said that she just can't imagine another women having a baby with her eggs when she might not be able to.

There is a place in GA that specializes in Endometrois and she is getting a big information package from them. Maybe they have ideas for women going thru this.
Thank you SOOO much girls

Re: How do I help my sister

Michele what we have all learned here are 2 important things....PERSEVERANCE. When someone tells you it can't happen, don't give up.
And second, you have to be your own advocate. Keep looking for the right Dr., the right clinic, for your (sister's) situation. She needs to be as knowledgable if not more so than the Drs. She needs to find the best specialist that her insurance will cover and ask all the questions in the world.

I am hoping things get better for her.

I am facing the fact that my eggs may not be good enough to give me a baby. I have spoken to my niece who is 22 and resembles me a lot, whom I am very close to, to think about ED to me. Maybe you or someone else in the family will be able to make the ultimate sacrifice for your sister when and if it comes down to that -- and it is a good idea to think about it sooner rather than later.

I hope her life gets back on track and she gets better news.

Re: How do I help my sister

You mean be a surrogate or egg donor for her? I have already told my sister I would be a surrogate by only with her egg and a sperm donor..any other way would be like putting a child up for adoption and I am not comfortable with that idea for myself or my family.
My sister does not want that because she wants to experience pregnancy for herself, not watch me go through it again.

I just hope she can get her life in order and then worry about the treatements.

My heart always breaks for you girls!

Re: How do I help my sister

I think Kara meant you giving your sister one of your eggs. Not the shared donor egg thing mentioned earlier.

Re: How do I help my sister

I think after all you have said that her only option is to grow up and get her life in order if she wants to be a mom. She really has very few choices left and she is not going to have the mother experience she wants if she doesnt.

Her time is very very limited and if she truly wants a baby she has to act now, which should be motivation enough.

Theres not much you can do for her except support her getting finiancial stable anyway she can and being there for advice.

BAsed on all you have said, having a baby and soon is really her only option and so with hard work and determination she can make her life what she wants of it in just a matter of time.

Re: How do I help my sister

Re: How do I help my sister

actually my sister is looking for miss right

Re: How do I help my sister

Posted by michele31

actually my sister is looking for miss right

Re: How do I help my sister

In a way this is easier since my sister never thought she would TTC the old fashion BD way.
Since my husband and I are adopting a son from Ethiopia (all the paperwork is done, we are just waiting for our big call) I do hope that my sister will see that sometimes God moves us in different directions for reasons
But whatever her decision I will do my best to support and hold her hand through it.

It just ***** to see someone you love going through something so sad.