How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

As a background, I really don't care for my MIL. She's very phony and goes out of her way to make herself the center of attention, and if she's not the center of attention she goes out of her way to make you miserable. They are all pretty long stories, but she ruined my bridal shower, wedding, baby shower and Sarah's christening, and each time it has gotten progressively worse. Sarah's christening was the worst, she accused several members of my family of doing something terrible to her, and I know she lied b/c it was all caught on tape.

When they were up last in October she told me that she and FIL would not be coming up from FL for Sarah's 1st birthday at the end of February. She claimed airfare would be over $700 for the 2 of them. I was surprised since they have vouchers for a trip they couldn't take when she had to have an operation, but just said ok, we were going to have a small get together not a big party anyway. I let DH know when he got home that night and he agreed it was weird but that it made things easier on us since we were both really worried about what she'd pull at the party.

About a month ago MIL calls DH and tells him that they are coming up this weekend since they had these vouchers that they have to use in either Jan or Feb. So he asks why they aren't coming for Sarah's birthday and she says "Because Cathy said we aren't invited." DH said "Cathy said you aren't invited? She told me that you weren't coming since the tickets are so expensive." I was sitting next to DH and said "That's exactly what happened, I'd never say they can't come." MIL says "Oh, that's what I meant." Whatever.

It's really been bothering me, and more so now that they are coming up for the weekend. I feel like she's trying to start problems between DH and I by trying to get him mad at me. DH says not to let it bother me, he knows what she's like and never believes anything she says anyway, but my feelings are really hurt. Plus, I have no idea what she's been telling the rest of the family. I suspect there have been some harsh things said about me, since anytime we see BIL and his fiancee she looks at me like I'm about to blow up at any moment and doesn't really talk to me.

Am I reading too much into it, or would you feel hurt? I thought maybe some insight from people not so close to it would help.

Thanks. Cathy

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

No, I don't think you're reading into it... it definitely sounds like your MIL is trying to start problems. I've been there before - not with my MIL (love her), but with an ex's mom. She was truly psycho... made things up and told lies about me to the whole family. Just lean on hubby and stand up for yourself if she starts acting up while she's visiting!

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

Coming from someone who has MIL issues....and it sounds like they are pretty similar... I would say absolutely not!

Go with your gut...if you know she cant be trusted...then you have every right to read into whatever she says does....

I feel no matter how much good or bad my MIL does there is always a alterior motive that glorifies her.... even if its something as sick...as trying to make DH and I fight...just so she could be the mediator....

I would def be hurt and mad...BUT I wouldnt say anything..... because lets face it...its not gonna change who she is...

Just be grateful shes a plane ride away and not 5 min car ride

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

Thanks. It's definately easier that she's so far away. I'm just so confused by the whole thing. I've never been rude to her, and really try to be nice. My family and DH know how I really feel, but I realize it's his mom so I go out of my way to talk to her and be polite, even though I just want to hide in our room.

It's nice to hear I'm not the only one who has to deal with a crummy MIL. My mom and my dad's mom were so close, I had no idea how bad it could be.

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

You know what's the best...confront her when she gets here...when you have some "private" time. I feel it's always best to "nip it in the bud"...(that's the expression, right?)

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

You are VERY nice because I would not allow someone that toxic in mine or my child's life. I would keep her at arm's length. Have plans during the weekend and don't allow her to ruin one moment for you! You can't confront a person like this...they try to make YOU seem the crazy one. Just ignore her and never let her know she gets to you or anything upset you because these people feed on that stuff...like school yard bullies.

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

I agree with Michele and Marissa. You can't change an irrational, unreasonable person - even if it's your MIL. People have cut their MILs in & out of their lives thinking she's changed.

I wouldn't feel hurt because this really isn't personal. It's not about you, it's about her being insecure about her relationship with her son & now her grandchild OR just being plain crazy.

My advice is to just stick by & take cues from your husband. There is no need for you to call her, etc. It's his mom, let him handle her. Try to keep "Your mother is <insert any insult>" down to a minimum because as much as he knows what she's like, she still his mother. If she's bugging you and you need him to know your side, just state her actions without commentary.

Also as for the BIL & fiancee, trust me she's going to be fully aware of the MIL if she marries into the family. As soon as your BIL marries (if it hasn't happened yet..), your MIL will be playing you against your FSIL so it's good if you can befriend her now. Get to know her, invite them over for dinner, etc. You're going to need an allies.

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

As others say. Don't let her get to you. I have family on both sides who love to play the martyr all the time. If you give in they will keep it up. Just be pleasent to her & ignore the pathetic attempts to hurt you.

as Nrthshgrl said try not to bad mouth her to DH because as much as he knows it is after all his Mother.

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

OMG I'm sorry you have to deal with her! At least DH knows what she is up to and knows she is lting, but still - what's wrong with her?
I really hope she is NOT staying with you! And it sounds like you are better off if she isn't at the birthday party. Good luck...what a she is!

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

Oh I am sorry you have to deal with this but I understand since I have similar MIL issues. I would try to make plans for the weekend so your not around as much and I woulnd't really talk to her unless I have to. It really does sound like she is trying to cause trouble between you and DH. I hope all goes well and its a good thing that they do live so far away thats one thing that keeps me sane that MIL lives 4 hours away and she doesn't drive and doesn't come to visit that often

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

Thanks everyone! I'm glad that other people think it's a big deal too. At least I only have to deal with her until Monday and she spends most of the time on the phone with her friends. Even though the whole point of the trip is to see Sarah.

And thankfully she is staying with BIL, she'll just be here during the day. I already told DH that I have a bunch of errands to run this weekend since I've been so sick the last few weeks. I think that unfortunately I'll be running out the door shortly after they come, what a shame.

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

OMG!!!! I totally feel for you. She sounds just like MIL. Try not to let her get to you. ( I know, easier said than done.) Thankfully you have DH on your side.

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

dont forget you have your preggo hormones doing on too! LOL

But it does sound like she is up to starting trouble, sorry you are going thru this.

Re: How would you feel? (Long, MIL issue)

It sounds like she is either starting trouble, has trouble remembering things or just says things and they come out totally the wrong way. As long as your DH knows how she is, try not to let it bother you. I know its hard not to but just count the days in your mind until they go back home.