How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

My husband works 5 days a week, different hours, so sometimes from 8-5, other times 12-9. he has just received a raise, but has a supervising position in a huge retail chain. i know he has a lot on his plate, including irate customers, lazy employees and people above him who are on his back. I am a teacher, so I have angry parents, rude children and administration on my back. I love my husband, but he constantly compares our jobs and feels that he works a lot harder. It drives me crazy because I will give him recognition that he works hard, but he is always like 'you're tired? i'll trade. my job is so difficult.' I feel like I can't vent about my job because then I hear how bad his job is and that my job is awesome. We got into an argument last night because I am always rubbing his back, be it for 25 seconds to 5 minutes, to 25 minutes. I just want a little reciprocation. Not every night, just spontaneous 'Here honey, you look tired.' It is like because I am home by 4 or so most days, that I have it made. But my day doesn't end at 3. And I have after school meetings and workshops, too. Keep in mind, because I know how much his job is pressure wise for him, that I am doing the grocery shopping, the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, laundry, etc. I love this man but I am feeling like a maid and not a wife and if I bring it up, he gets sooooooo defensive. Any thoughts?

Message edited 6/1/2005 6:15:55 AM.

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

I have that too...How his job is just sooo much harder...

GIVE ME A BREAK

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Ugh - I feel for you and totally understand. My husband is a landscaper in a pretty ritzy area and these people are real pieces of work sometimes. I understand that they make him crazy but there are days where I just don't want to hear it and feel like he should laugh it off.

I am a SAHM with an active 6 month old and I'm pregnant again. My job is 7 days a week, 24 hours a day and I don't get a break b/c when she naps that is my time for cleaning, laundry, showers, playing with the dog.

He always tells me how he'd trade with me in a heartbeat too - I just tell him he wouldn't last 24 hours b/c I know he wouldn't. Everyone always thinks the grass is greener on the other side..............

My solution to get him to shut up was to just sit back for one day and see what I do. He follwed me around for a day and actually watched me and I haven't heard him complain since.

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Well DH's job is harder physically, but mentally mine is

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

I was working the 2nd job last night and this loud speaking idiot who was on a cell phone came in complaining to whoever was on the other end about his job. His job you ask? Cleaning out the shredder boxes in the office? He was using all sorts of profanity and speaking loudly about how "hard" his job is and how he is underappreciated. Dude, you clean out recyclable office paper, how difficult can that be?? He sounded like a total moron, going on about how there is no "incentive" to do his job and I was like "No wonder you can't get anything better". Let him sit at my desk for one day and see how hard it is...

See, I have the flip side of things. Hubby is self employed; makes his own hours, does his own thing. It burns my butt red when he complains because I know for fact his job takes very little effort and very little aggravation yet I'm stressed to the gills every single day.

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

feel the same way

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

This is a tough one. My DH makes double my salary and works long hours, and has lots of responsibility. I realize that and appreciate it. However, he will listen to me gripe too - I work from home so I have to be my own motivator, and it gets lonely.

I think what helps us, is that we appreciate and respect each other for what we do. I don't want his job and he doesn't want mine, so we admire the other for their achievments in the workplace.

I personally have tremendous respect for teachers and your DH should too.

I think you and DH need to really sit down and discuss how he is making you feel. Resentment only festers. Maybe he doesn't realize how he sounds to you. I know my DH's ex-wife used to do nothing but complain about her job and he was sick of hearing it - so communication broke down - and eventually they got a divorce - other things were involved but the lack of communication was def. a factor.

I hope you two can work this out now before it becomes a major issue.... good luck!!

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

are our husband's twin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know the feeling with out a doubt. plus he throws in how i don't bring in half as much as he does and why am i always tired! i also take care of the house, my daughter and him. i start telling people now i have 2 kids not a husband and a child! it fummes me when he talks like this!

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

I am in the same boat as you. My dh thinks that his job is harder because he does physical work while I work in a VERY stressful office because my boss is a nasty, control-freak who thinks you are "only good until you make a mistake". She does nothing all day so she has no opportunity to make a mistake.
We also have a home, dog, and 2 kids. My day doesn't "end" until my daughter goes to bed at 8:30-9:00. I am VERY lucky that both kids sleep through the night or I would be a basket case.
I make more money than my husband, mostly because I have worked longer at my job but shhhh...I still think I work harder-lol!

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

I am glad to hear I am not the only one. Do you think it is men in general? Not to male-bash or anything like that, I am just curious if women are just programmed to handle more.

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

You both have to agree that you both work hard. Then, instead of comparing jobs, perhaps it's best to figure out what needs to be done at home and address those tasks. Perhaps you can split the household chores up - 50-50.

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

I just remind mine...that if he made as much money as me he wouldnt have to work to hard...the bread winner insult usually stops him from aking such comments...he doesn't like to have ego bruised.

But on the few occasions that he has gone off on this rampage...i tell him that he would like to work less...he can stay home with the baby and Ill work a 2nd job. Then he admits that being the baby is by far more work than his actual job.

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?

Re: How do you deal with a husband who feels he works harder?